Zim Fandango
by Ri2
Summary: A semi-epic tale of crime and corruption in the land of the nicktoons. Zim has at last come full circle. He is the only one left who can take out Bog and save his friends and beloved. Will he succeed where so many have failed? Finished! R+R!
1. Prologue

Hello all readers. If you liked The Ultimate Invader, you might like this one. If any of you have played Grim Fandango, you also might like this. If you've never played or heard of the epic Lucasarts game you can read anyway.  
  
Prologue  
  
The year is 2005. The company called Nickelodeon is renowned for its many shows, its many cartoons, as are all cartoon channels. But what if there's more beneath the surface then there seems? Each network that hires cartoonists does not merely draw lots of pictures, color them and put them all together. What they do is bring the sketches to life, giving them personalities and feelings. They give them a whole other dimension to live in when new episodes are not being filmed, to keep them from the sight of the general public. In this world, the cartoons are given another job, aside from the acting on their shows. Instead of just drawing new characters to life, the companies charter the stars of each show to actually go inside the minds of their creator, to locate a certain idea in the cartoonist's head, and bring it back into their home dimension. Depending on certain traits the cartoonist's idea is made with, the new idea is given form and the chance to get a job on their deliverer's show. But to do that, the new cartoons must travel across the artificial world on a dangerous trek to the employment office at the edge of the world, where they will get a job depending on aforementioned characteristics. Most of the time the character is merely a bit player or an extra, but sometimes a character is something more. If a cartoon has what it takes to be something greater than an extra, like a regular or even a costar, then their method of travel to the employment office is greatly affected. If this new character is popular enough with the viewers of the show, then the star of the show stands to get a promotion and/or a raise. This system of incentive is good, for it keeps the cartoon employees of Nickelodeon in line and provides them with something to do offset. But what happens when the system is abused or even manipulated to suit the desires of one being? What happens if the company itself becomes corrupt? With this little teaser I leave you, for now… 


	2. Part One: The Reaping of Bronu, Fun with...

ZIM FANDANGO  
  
A Semi-epic Tale of Crime and Corruption in the Land Of The Nicktoons  
  
  
  
1 Here we go. The first real chapter of Zim Fandango. Enjoy…  
  
2 Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim or Grim Fandango  
  
2.1 PART ONE  
  
In an office in a medium-sized skyscraper somewhere in Nick City, an average-looking Irken tapped his foot nervously, looking out the window. The office was pretty high-tech, yet somehow looked kind of shabby. Hard to imagine since the entire office was made of magenta metal. The Irken was sitting in a chair next to an empty desk. He almost jumped out of his seat as the office door slid open behind him. When he saw who it was, he sighed in relief. "Oh, it's just you."  
  
The very short figure standing in the door frowned and marched in. "Just me? Just me?! Is that any way to talk to the great ZIM?"  
  
"S-sorry, I"  
  
"No, no, there's nothing to worry about. Sometimes I just get a little too in-character off of the set." Said Zim, chuckling. "Now that my appointment with the porcelain is finished, let's see how you're getting to the employment office." Zim walked around the Irken in the chair and sat at his desk, accessing his computer.  
  
"Uh, mister Zim sir…"  
  
"Please, call me Zim."  
  
"Right. You've explained a lot to me, and I think I understand most of it. But…"  
  
"But what? Speak up, man!"  
  
"You said something about the way I'm getting to the employment office. Do you think you could elaborate on that?"  
  
Zim smiled and turned from his computer. "I'd be glad to, Mr. Florez. You see, like all humans our creator Jhonen Vasquez is constantly getting ideas. Some of these ideas may become characters on my show, Invader Zim. When the subconscious gets the idea for the character, it creates a protomatter base for it, a mold so to speak, and gives it certain personality traits and features. These features determine whether you are average or someone destined for greatness. The corporation keeps an eye on all of their cartoonist's brains, and as soon as new characters are formed, myself and the other most popular characters on my show are dispatched to collect this protomatter and give it form. I collected you, for instance."  
  
Flores nodded. "Okay, but about the transportation…"  
  
"Like I said, a cartoon will have certain characteristics. Depending on the personality, a cartoon will have a selection of ways to reach the employment office. If you are destined for a great role such as a regular, you will earn a ticket on the Mega Rail, an incredibly fast train that will get you to the employment office in four hours instead of a year."  
  
"A year?!"  
  
"Well, that's how long it would take the average person to get there. Of course, many just give up and stay where they are. Those people are losers. Anyway, only a very, very, very small amount of cartoons qualify for a ticket. The Almighty Tallest are an example. As I was saying, for those lower than a really great role can take a Cruiser, or a Runner, or a cargo transport. Of course, that's just in descending order."  
  
"And what am I qualified for?" asked Flores eagerly.  
  
"Well, let's see." Said Zim. He started typing on his computer, accessing Flores' file. A graph came up, showing a train, a Cruiser, a Runner, and a bus, each on top of the other. A line indicating Flores started at the train then went below the zero mark, leaving him at negative fifteen on the ranking scale. "Hmm…well, it seems that the Mega Rail is just out of your reach, but I still have a few tricks up my sleeve…" He started typing again, frantically, also hiding the display from Flores to keep him from knowing how much of a loser he was. "Ah ha!"  
  
"What? What is it?"  
  
"The Excelsior Line! That's the ticket!"  
  
A few minutes later, at the street entrance to the Nickelodeon building…Flores was standing on the front steps, holding a walking stick that had Excelsior written on the side. "Yes, she's a beauty isn't she? That compass in the handle will sure come in handy to." Flores scowled down at Zim. Zim ignored his client's look of anger. "Oh, you're going to have a great time. Wish I could come with you."  
  
"Why can't you? You could give me a lift."  
  
"Sorry Flores, against the rules. Besides, I have my own job, remember? You'd better get going. With any luck, I'll see you in about a year!" Grumbling, Flores stared down the stairs, walking into the street and heading out of town. Zim shook his head to himself sadly. He had not told Flores the reason that most toons gave up getting employed. Many dangers and monsters inhabited the world, and the only way to the employment office was through a path of these dangers. Zim didn't know why the office was all the way at the edge of the world and at the end of a dangerous trail, but it was probably to sort out the true characters from the poseurs. Since many could not survive the journey, they either died or just quit and set up a life of their own. But there was another reason aside from the fact that Flores was heading into trouble that made Zim sad. Even though he was one of the most popular Nickelodeon toons of all, his nemesis Dib was the one who got the bigger office. And not just any office, it had been Zim's old office. There was also the fact that Dib ended up constantly getting more and better clients than Zim, causing there to be a higher number of humans in the show than anything else. It wasn't fair. It was like the head of Nickelodeon favored Dib or something. Dib seemed more and more close to a promotion every day. Zim sighed and headed back into the building.  
  
One elevator trip later, he was on the top floor of the building, along with all the other offices belonging to the top toons. He walked past the big golden door that marked the door to the office of Herb Scannell, head of Nickelodeon in both worlds. Although he was a real person, he traveled back and forth between the toon and real worlds to give assignments and stuff. As he walked past the desk of Herb's toon secretary, Sandy the squirrel, looked up from her work. "Hey Zim, do you think you could not leave the office early today? The boss wants a word with you after everything is officially closed."  
  
Zim sighed. "Tell Herb I'll be there. I'm not going anywhere." Zim continued down the hall, pausing for a moment to glare at the door to Dib's office, before entering his own. He sat at his desk and slumped, holding his head in his hands. There was one more reason Zim was a little sad. He was very lonely. There were plenty of girls around, but none of them felt right to him, even the Irkens like Tenn or Tak. He sat up. "Why aren't things the way they should be?" Zim asked himself. "Why am I so alone? The only real friend I have is Gir, and he's well, pretty much a moron. Why can't I get a relationship, get a life outside this job?" He frowned and slapped himself. "Stop that thinking, soldier! First things first, I have to get out of this tiny office. And to do that, I need a client. A good client. And I will get one, and rain doom upon Dib's filthy big head! Muahahahahahaha!" He grinned. "That always cheers me up. Of course, since it would be illegal for me to hack into the inferior human company database and find any potential clients for myself, I'll just have to wait for one."  
  
As if on cue, his screen lit up. "You've got mail!" said the computer. Surprised, Zim opened the E-mail. It was from the boss! "To: all stars. Bless your lucky stars and get to your freaking vehicles! We've got a mass brain stem activity due to letting the cartoonists watch The Matrix, meaning a bunch of new clients! Too many to assign specific cases, so first come, first serve! From: Herb Scannell.  
  
Zim grinned. "Well, what do you know! Looks like some luck is finally coming my way. There's even a chance I'll get a really good client! To the garage!" Running out of his office and down the hall, he got to the freight elevator that led to the garage, only to discover that there was a bunch of cartoons already trying to cram themselves into the elevator. Zim groaned, knowing he now had no choice but to take the stairs. He headed over to the door next to the elevator and went inside, entering the stairwell. Activating his spider legs, he jumped off the railing of the stairs, going straight down. As he fell, he used his spider legs on the walls to keep himself erect and also to slow down his descent. When he was only a few floors away from the bottom, he dug his spider legs into the concrete walls, causing a horrendous ear-splitting noise and halting his fall. Carefully, he lowered himself to the bottom and entered the door leading to the garage. He walked into the cavernous room just in time to see a huge number of cars, a submarine and a few Voot Runners move out of their private spaces and zoom through the open dimensional portal to the cartoonists minds. By the time the rush was over, Zim's battered Voot Runner was the only thing left. He walked over to the Runner and tried to open the cockpit, only to find it locked. He shrugged and reached into his utility pod, looking for the keys. They weren't there. What the? He grimaced, knowing he would have to go over to the mechanic's section of the garage. Walking past all the parking spaces, Zim approached a shack built into the wall with several tools and machine parts on the floor. The mechanics kept spare keys, so Zim would be able to borrow it until he found his normal keys. Zim knocked on the door. There was a noise from within the hut, and the door burst open, revealing…"Gir!?"  
  
"Hi Master!" said Gir happily.  
  
"Gir, what are you doing here?"  
  
"The nice man with the big head threw me down here in a big chute and this nice man pulled me out of a heap of metal and tried to do something to my head and then he said 'I give up, I've done as much as I can, I'm leaving," and left but he gave me a program that makes me love fixing things and being around engines even more than I love tacos so I'm the mechanic!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Dib tried to throw me away and the mechanic tried to fix me. He had partial success, but couldn't completely cure my insanity. So now I'm more rational and I also now have a passionate love for engines and things that go "vroom" so I became the new mechanic. It's sort of a side job for when we're not filming."  
  
"I thought your side job was working at Krazy Taco."  
  
"Well, I quit." His eyes turned blue again. "Leprechauns!"  
  
"You quit? You actually gave up on tacos?" Gir nodded. Zim was in shock. "Impossible…how could anyone fix you that well? Tell me, who was this mechanic?"  
  
Gir frowned and scratched his head. "I think his name was Dexter. Or Cookie."  
  
"How long have you been the mechanic?"  
  
"About a year."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"You didn't ask."  
  
"…Good point. Gir, I need spare keys for my Runner. I have to collect a protoform and Dib's already ahead of me. If I don't get there in time, he and the others will have already gotten the good clients."  
  
"I'll give you the keys…"  
  
"Thank you, Gir."  
  
"…If you take me with you."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Because I'm bored and I wanna see Jhonen's head!"  
  
Zim sighed, acquiescing. "All right, you can come. But I warn you, we are about to enter a realm of unbelievable danger and chaos, a realm where terror lurks behind every corner and if you get lost, you can never escape."  
  
Gir started getting worried. "Vasquez is that messed up?"  
  
"Huh? No, I was referring to the Interdimensional Highway. The traffic on that thing is unbelievable. Come on, get the keys and let's go."  
  
"Yay! We're going on a trip!" Gir ran into the hut. A minute later he came out with the keys to Zim's Runner. Zim took them, opened the Voot Runner, and buckled in, Gir beside him. Despite all its appearances on the show, all the Runner can really do is hover off the ground. It's a lot like an advanced car in that sense. The Runner levitated off the ground and dashed into the portal. Several minutes later, after an unbelievable bout of traffic, Zim managed to navigate his way into Jhonen Vasquez's subconscious. An astral road appeared under the Runner, allowing them to keep floating. The subconscious was a really weird and freaky place, with lots of pigs and talking dolls floating around. Gir looked at the place in awe. "Wow…like a moose!"  
  
"Yeah, cool isn't it? Come on, we've got to hurry." He steered the Runner down the road; piloting through the several storage sections dedicated to Vasquez's other creations. He passed through the Happy Noodle Boy, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, and Squee before finally reaching the Invader Zim section. Just as he passed through the gate, a Foob Cruiser sailed past him, two figures in the cockpit. One was a tall, gothic-looking human woman. The other was Dib. The big headed human grinned and waved at Zim as he passed, heading away. "Dib!" hissed Zim. Angrily, he flew through the section, not noticing the turn-offs and almost missing the new section. Zim parked the Runner and stepped out. "Gir, stay here. I won't be more than a minute."  
  
He walked across the bleak field, looking for a protoform. To his disappointment, there was only one left. The others had come and gone. Hoping it would be the good client that would show Herb he was worthier than Dib, he tore into the material of the gray blob with one of his spider legs. The blob ripped apart, revealing…an Irken who looked extremely cranky and was even shorter than Zim. Looking at his rescuer, the Irken named as Bronu said, "Nice dress."  
  
One long drive later…The Runner flew out of the portal and landed in Zim's parking space, nestled between the other spaces, which were already full. As they exited the Runner, Zim kept explaining the situation to Bronu. "Now, we have several travel packages you might be interested in-"  
  
Bronu growled. "Stuff the yap and give me something where I can get lots of quiet and time to think." He headed over to the freight elevator.  
  
Zim started to follow, but Gir got his attention. "Master, if you want I can fix up your Runner so it's really fast and really cool…"  
  
"Gir, it's against the rules to modify cars without permission from upstairs, and I doubt they'll give it to me."  
  
Gir shrugged. "Okay, but I was under the impression that you wanted to get better clients, and I figured that a faster car would help you beat the others to the protoforms. I mean, you do want to surpass Dib, don't you?"  
  
Zim's eye twitched. "Okay Gir, you talked me into it. Do whatever you want to the Runner, just make it better than Dib's!" With that, he headed after Bronu.  
  
Gir's eyes bulged. "Oh yeah! SLAM the front into the cannons, enlarge the ship, and chrome everything…"As he babbled to himself, driving the Runner out of the garage and heading towards the junkyard, Gir started drooling. "Cupcake!"  
  
After going up to his office and checking the files, Zim determined that Bronu was also a deadbeat. But since the client didn't want to walk, there was only one other way to get Bronu to the employment office. "Urf…come…on!" shouted Zim.  
  
He was in one of the rooms on the building's first floor, attempting to stuff Bronu in a cryogenic pod. For those who refused to walk, cryogenic capsules were made available so they would be shipped to the employment office. It took roughly a year to do so, and frankly it seemed that Bronu was regretting his choice not to walk. Zim succeeded in shoving the little Irken into the pod. Bronu clung onto the door edge with his spider legs, trying to keep from being shut in. "Wait! Can't you find me something else? Something where I can stretch my legs?"  
  
As Zim tried to force the legs off of the hinge, Zim said, "You know I'd really like to Bronu, but the boss is a real hardass and I can get in trouble for not giving the client the best transport they deserve."  
  
"I gotta be a hardass with lazy toons like you working for me." Said a familiar voice from behind Zim. He paused, horrified. No, it couldn't be. It was. Herb Scannell…  
  
"M-Mr. Scannell, what can I do for you?" asked Zim, panicking while still trying to force Bronu into the pod.  
  
The human scowled. "Zim, what are you doing with your career? Aside from your paltry acting skills, you've got nothing to show for a job! Why can't you get clients?"  
  
"I've got a client right here!"  
  
"I mean premium clients, Zim. Clients who are getting a ticket on the Mega Rail. Why can't you be more like Dib?"  
  
That did it. "Like Dib?!? LIKE DIB!?!??!? Well, maybe I would be more like Dib if I had a huge head, or glasses, or was an inferior life form! Maybe I would get premium clients if you assigned more to me instead of Dib, instead of leaving me with scumbags like Mr. Bronu here!"  
  
"Hey!" yelled Bronu.  
  
Herb was taken aback. "Now you're blaming the clients, Zim? That does it! If you don't get one premium client by the time the next season rolls around, you're fired, no matter what the repercussions will be on the public! We'll replace your time slot with the Dib Membrane show, in which Dib Membrane saves the world and finds out all sorts of supernatural stuff!"  
  
"But the public will hate it! The ratings will drop to nothing! I've been single-handedly supporting your channel for two years now, and yet you give Dib all the good stuff! Why?"  
  
Herb chuckled menacingly. "Wouldn't you like to know? Well, maybe you'll find out why I seem to fancy Dib if you get a premium client by next season. Otherwise, you'll be out on the street with no way to earn a living and no way to ever become more than you are now! All you'll have is your stupid pet robot, the pod on your back, and that big wide smile of yours. So start working harder or else!" Herb left, laughing evilly.  
  
"Who you calling a scumbag? Why I oughta" Angrily, Zim kicked Bronu into the pod, threw in a complimentary coffee mug, slammed the door shut and turned the valves on the tubes connecting to the pod. Two chemicals sprayed from the tubes, going into the pod. As Bronu screamed, trying to get out, the chemicals mixed into a super-cold solution that would keep Bronu out for almost a year.  
  
Walking out of the packing room, Zim thought to himself, "Premium client…how am I supposed to get a premium client? Maybe it's time I stopped waiting for fate to intervene. It's time to stop expecting a premium client, like it's going to just fly in here tied to a missile. It's time to take one." He returned to the top floor, intending to do some hardcore planning in his office. He started to walk past Dib's office, before noticing the door was open. Curious, he decided to go in and see what Dib had done to his old office. The results were appalling. Dib had replaced all of the magenta metal with carpets and wallpaper, trying to stamp out anything even remotely Zim-like. There was a huge picture of Dib painted on the ceiling. There was a large array of dominos laid out on the floor. Dib liked dominos. Speaking of Dib, the human cartoon was standing on a stool, hitting a punching bag. Zim realized now was the perfect opportunity to get some things off his chest. Zim decided to take the initiative, hoping his sudden speech would startle Dib and cause him to fall. "Hey, Dib!"  
  
Surprised, the big headed boy lost his balance and fell off the stool, shaking the ground and causing his complex domino system to topple. Picking himself up, he looked furiously at Zim, then seemed to mellow out. Or he was trying to at least. He climbed back up the stool and stood over the alien. "So, what do you want?"  
  
"How did you make out at the brainstem?"  
  
Dib grinned a little too nicely. "Let's just say Mrs. Membrane has a passion for trains."  
  
"You got a woman who will be in your family?"  
  
"Talk about good family values."  
  
"And she got a ticket on the Mega Rail?"  
  
"Choo choo, little buddy. What did you get?"  
  
Zim sagged. "I got a little guy who ended up being sent pod post."  
  
"Well that's too bad, Zim. Maybe you'll have better luck next time." He started hitting the bag again. "Anything else I can do for you?"  
  
"I wanna tell you something."  
  
"Good Zim, let it all out, there's no reason for you to be afraid of me."  
  
Zim bristled at that, wishing he could just rip Dib's throat out. "You know, this used to be my office."  
  
"I know, I found your name in some comic books in the old desk."  
  
"Comic books? Ha! I don't read comic books."  
  
"Really? Then you don't mind if I throw away all 300 issues of Sonic the Hedgehog?"  
  
"Ah! Don't! Those are my fav…" Dib's grin got big again. "I hate you." Dib went back to punching. Zim continued. "Anyway, I want it back."  
  
"Sorry, only way you're getting this office is if I drop dead."  
  
"That could be arranged." Zim muttered under his breath. Out loud he said, "I think we should team up, work together." Zim lied.  
  
"But Zim, I-I could never team up with somebody who's so much more if a man than I am." Dib replied sarcastically.  
  
Zim scowled. "Oh come on, even Gaz is more masculine than you are. And she's a girl. Why do you always get the good clients?"  
  
"I'm not the one you should be asking, Zim. You need to take a good long look at the guy in the mirror for the answer to that."  
  
"No thanks, I don't get the same pleasure from that that you do." Zim said, grinning.  
  
Dib tensed, looking like he was trying to hold something back. "Well of course not, why would anyone, even yourself want to see something as ugly as your face?"  
  
"Why would anyone, even yourself, want to see something as big as your head?"  
  
"MY HEAD IS NOT BIG!" shouted Dib.  
  
Zim nodded, knowing he had struck a nerve. But he decided to move on before Dib tried something a little more dangerous. "Anyway, can I have one of your clients?"  
  
Regaining his composure, Dib said, "You can have one of my clients once I get one I think you can handle."  
  
Zim snorted. "I can handle anything you've got human, especially if that's your best right jab."  
  
Dib shot Zim a look. "You could do better?"  
  
"Want to see?"  
  
Reluctantly, Dib stepped down from the stool. Zim climbed up and punched the bag, knocking it off of its hook. It landed on the floor with a dull thud. "Hey! That was my only punching bag!"  
  
"Just hook it back up and it'll be as good as new." Said Zim.  
  
Frowning, Dib did just that and went back to pummeling the bag, his punches getting wilder and stronger. "Is there anything else, Zim?" Dib asked between his teeth.  
  
"Yeah, I wanna punch you in the mouth." Zim joked, half-serious.  
  
"Aw no, not the Christmas party again."  
  
"What happened at the Christmas party?" Zim asked, confused.  
  
"Blacked out on the whole thing, huh? A piece of advice: lay off the alcohol."  
  
Zim walked away from the stool, leaving Dib to his business. Wanting to take a look at Dib's computer, he got behind the desk. "Hey Dib, what's your password?"  
  
"Get away from my computer, alien."  
  
Zim shrugged and got out of Dib's chair. As he did so, he noticed that the cable leading from Dib's network box to the wall was bright red. Remembering that his own was standard black, as was everyone else's, Zim filed the color in his memory, knowing it might come in handy. He decided to leave. As he walked out the door, he said, "Goodbye Bighead." Dib growled angrily, but Zim was already out the door and safe in his own office when Dib turned around.  
  
He sat behind his desk, chuckling a little. Then he got serious. He needed a plan, something that would get him a premium client. His best bet would definitely be to intercept Dib's E-mail. The only way he could do that was to plant a bug in the server so any information sent to Dib's computer would also be received by Zim. However, the server was kept in a secure area that could only be accessed by the janitor. Aside from stealing the guy's keys or breaking in, how could he get down there to mess with the server? Getting a notion, he called up floor maps and blueprints on the computer. He was surprised to discover that the upper part of the waste processor that led to the sewers was in the same room as the server. Since the waste the machine processed was, er, biological product, that meant the best way to mess up the processor would be via the toilets. As Zim's brilliant mind leapt into action, he quickly used his computer to generate the appropriate device to tap Dib's cable. Good thing he knew Dib had a red cable, so it would be easy to plant the device. He put the little ring- shaped device in his pod and left the room, heading for the prop department. He borrowed two balloons and went down to the pod packing room. He noticed that Bronu had already been taken away, along with some other pods full of supplies. Their next stop would be the employment office at the edge of the world. Well, it wasn't actually at the edge of the world since the planet was round, but it was on a really big mountain, overlooking a huge precipice. Zim walked over to the two tubes that contained the freezing chemicals. He attached a balloon to either tube and opened the faucets, filling both balloons. He turned off the faucets and put the balloons away, heading for the men's room closest to the processor. After making sure nobody was occupying the stalls, Zim walked into one and dropped one balloon into the toilet, flushing it. He then dropped the other balloon into the toilet and flushed it. Squeezing through the narrow plumbing system, the two balloons made it to the interior of the incredibly filthy and disgusting processor. The balloons popped, their chemical interiors mixing. As the two chemicals combined into the super cold material, the processor was clogged up as all the waste turned to ice, backing up the pipes. As the water in the toilet started turning murky, Zim grinned evilly, the first phase of his plan in place. He left the bathroom and took the stairs to the maintenance level, where he found a door marked "Server and Waste Processor" wide open. It was good to see that the management had identified the problem so quickly and sent a man to fix it. Zim walked into the room that held both important devices. Zim immediately saw three things. First off was the fire extinguisher next to the door. Second, was the huge metal cylinder in one corner of the room, extending from the ceiling to the floor. The janitor, one of the Butt Ugly Martians, was trying to fix the thing, poking his head now and then through a hatch in the side of the cylinder. Zim shuddered. He hated Martians. They were ugly, stupid, smelly, and they cost him his show at one point. Third, was the blue box sitting on a pedestal in the center of the room. Cables came out from it, going into the walls all over the room. All but one of the cables were black. This one was red. Zim found his target. As he approached the server, the Martian grunted, hearing him. "Hey, who's there?" Grimy and smelling worse than usual, the Martian turned around. "What the…what are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh, I was just, um, checking to see if the server was working properly."  
  
"That's my job!"  
  
"I thought you were one of the stars of B.U.M."  
  
"I am. But I'm also a janitor. So what are you doing here?"  
  
"I already told you."  
  
"Oh yeah. Hey, why don't you come over here so we can talk face to face."  
  
"No thank you."  
  
"Why not? You think you're better than me or something?" the Martian, now recognizable as Duwop, said angrily.  
  
"No." said Zim truthfully. He didn't think he was better than Duwop. He knew he was better than Duwop.  
  
"Well, good." He turned around and went back to work.  
  
Unable to hold down his curiosity, Zim went over to the processor to see what Duwop was doing. The Martian had opened a panel on the big machine and was trying to clean the insides with a laser torch. "So, what are you doing here?"  
  
Duwop grunted. "Some smart-ass sent the cold packing chemicals down the toilets, freezing up the processor and jamming the plumbing system. I'm using this torch here to clean out the frozen junk."  
  
"How long do you think it would take?"  
  
"Hard to say, could be hours."  
  
"Or until nobody's around to see you leave?"  
  
"Of course. Now could you kindly leave me alone, green boy? I've got a lot of work to do here." Zim started walking away, heading for the server box. Duwop kept fiddling with the laser torch, cleaning out more crap (literally) until he accidentally turned the torch the wrong way, setting himself on fire. He screamed, trying to beat out the flames. Hearing the burning flame, Zim ran over to the door, grabbed the fire extinguisher, and ran back. He found that Duwop had already beaten out the flames. The Martian took one look at the fire extinguisher and yelped. "Ahhhh! What are you doing? That's a magnesium-based fire extinguisher! If any of it hits the cryogenic packing material, we'll both be riding the Roman candle out of here!"  
  
Zim frowned. "What? Why would they put something so dangerous in here?"  
  
"I guess they didn't expect it to be full of hazardous waste, dumbass!"  
  
He went back to work. Growling, Zim put the extinguisher in his pod, not caring that he was probably breaking building regulations. Seeing that Duwop was occupied, Zim quietly walked over to the server. Taking out the ring, he split it in two and reconnected it around Dib's cable. Lights started blinking on the ring, indicating its operation. Pleased, Zim left the Martian alone, head back to his office. As he returned to the top floor, he noticed that Dib's door was still open. Looking in, he saw Dib was still punching the bag, muttering to himself about wringing Zim's neck. Zim returned to the office and checked his computer. Of course, it was too much to expect there to already be a message, and there was none. With nothing else to do, he started playing DOOM III to pass the time. After about an hour, the "You've got Mail!" icon flashed up. Eagerly, Zim clicked it. As he had hoped, it was an assignment for a new client. Knowing Dib would get this at the exact same time, Zim quickly read through the specs on the new cartoon. "Okay, let's see…Name: Rana, Sex: Female, Species: Undefined, Personality traits: Pretty nice and responsible, an overall good person, but can be dangerous if angered, Ranking…Oh my god…A COSTAR!?!?!?" Zim got out of his seat. He couldn't believe it. A new star for the show! And if he got to her first, she would be working with him instead of Dib. That would change the balance of power between the enemies greatly, since Dib had Gaz and Zim had Gir. With a new star, either side could gain supremacy. And this also meant she was a premium client, securing his job! He quickly rushed to the freight elevator, only to see Dib was already running for it. Dib jumped in and closed the doors only seconds before Zim could make it. Zim knew it was too dangerous to risk another jump down the stairwell, so he had no other choice but to wait for the elevator to come back up. And since Dib's Cruiser was faster than Zim's old Runner was, he could only pray that whatever modifications Gir had made to the Runner would be sufficient to overtake Dib. As he pushed the call button and waited for the elevator's return, he called Gir on his built-in communicator. "Gir! Come in, Gir!"  
  
The image of Gir eating a large taco appeared on the communicator. While stuffing his face, Gir managed to say, "Hi Master!"  
  
"Gir, where are you?"  
  
"In the mechanics shack."  
  
"Have you finished modifying the Runner?"  
  
"Uh huh!"  
  
"Good. We need to get going, fast."  
  
"Whyyyyyyyy?"  
  
"Because I need to beat Dib to this next client."  
  
"Whyyyyyyyy?"  
  
"Because if I don't, I could lose my job!"  
  
"Whyyyyyyyy?"  
  
"Because my boss is a jerk!"  
  
"Okay, meet you in the garage."  
  
The communicator switched off. Zim was relieved to see the elevator had finally arrived. He hopped in and headed to the garage. What he saw when he stepped out did NOT look like the Runner. Gir had removed the bubble shield for the cockpit and got rid of the walls surrounding it, pushing the drivers seat into the front. Heavy-duty laser cannons had replaced the energy ball launchers. The hover engines supporting the Runner had been upgraded, allowing the Runner to levitate several feet in the air to avoid the problems of bumpy roads. (Even though it's a floating car, it's a low- riding model so bumpy roads are bad for it.) The top half of an improved PEG reactor was sticking out of the hull just behind the open cockpit and was covered by a Tefliglass bubble. The thruster pods sticking out of the sides of the Runner were larger and longer, with flame and taco decals on them. A pair of seats were located behind the reactor, covered by a force field to keep the riders from getting bugs in their teeth. A platform rose just behind the two seats, supporting a throne-like chair with some controls on the arms. This was also protected by the aforementioned force field. A huge thruster cylinder emerged from the back of the Runner, underneath the throne and between the two pods. Gir was sitting in the driver seat, looking as if his little android heart would burst at any moment from unbridled joy. Oh, did I forget to mention that the whole thing was covered in shiny chrome? Zim stared at the machine that had once been his car, so to speak. "Gir, are you crazy? That was a company car!"  
  
"Oh yeah! And it's even better company now! Hop in master! Let's give the Doom Wagon her first test drive!"  
  
"The what?"  
  
"Captains always name their ships something, so I figured why not name this vessel something cool? I call her the Doom Wagon!"  
  
Zim looked over the vehicle again. "I don't believe this. Gir, I'm actually proud of you!"  
  
"Thank you Master! Now let's go stop mean Mister Bighead from stealing your client!"  
  
Zim climbed into the throne at the back of the Wagon, giving him a high view of everything. "Onward, to victory!"  
  
"WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gir spun the Doom Wagon around, driving into the portal. Using the new hover engines, they were able to literally soar above the traffic.  
  
As they entered Vasquez's mind, Zim could see Dib's Cruiser far up the road, nearing the entrance to Squee. "Gir, we're not going to make it!"  
  
"Buckle your seatbelt, Master! This is gonna be a close one." Gir flicked a switch on the dashboard.  
  
The huge thruster glowed and ignited, firing a stream of superhot plasma outward and propelling the Doom Wagon down the road at an incredible speed. Gir screamed, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" while sticking his tongue out, waving in the wind. Zim screamed as he was pushed back in his seat, digging his claws into the armrests. He was about to yell at Gir to stop, when he suddenly noticed that they had actually caught up to Dib's Cruiser. The super fast ship zoomed past Dib, causing his ship to spin out of control and almost fall off the road. Dib's head smashed into the front of the cockpit, cracking his glasses. He stared in disbelief as Zim's ship rocketed down the road, leaving him in the dust. Zim laughed maniacally, very happy now.  
  
The Doom Wagon zoomed into the Invader Zim section and came to an immediate and very smooth stop, gently landing on the ground. Impressed that he hadn't even felt any jolt from the stop, Zim unbuckled himself and got off the chair. Jumping down, he walked up to the drivers seat and petted Gir on the head. "Good boy. Good robot." Gir squealed and giggled, squirming in his seat. Zim walked across the bleak landscape, looking for the protoform. As he got near, the blob moved a little, its features giving off just a hint of Irken. Extending a spider leg, Zim sliced through the protoform, taking a look at the creature inside. His heart stopped.  
  
The most beautiful Irken he had ever seen moaned and opened her eyes. A little clumsily, she got out of the protoform. "Who…who are you? Where am I?" She was about Zim's height, only a millimeter taller than he was. She had a standard uniform, but she seemed to fit into it more nicely than Zim liked to imagine. Her utility pod was normal aside from the green spots and the Irken insignia stamped on the center spot. Her antennae were curly, as were all Irken females, but something about them seemed different. They weren't nearly as long as Tak's, yet they were longer than the average girl's antennae. In a way, her eyes were the greatest things about her. They were a deep forest green, a green so deep that when Zim looked into them he felt as if he could drown in them. He shook his head, snapping out of this trance.  
  
"My name is Zim. I have just freed you from that protoform. We are inside the mind of our creator, Jhonen Vasquez."  
  
"I don't completely understand…"  
  
"Don't worry, I'll explain it all on the way back to civilization."  
  
"Why did you rescue me?"  
  
Zim paused, not completely sure how to answer, the girl, Rana. "Because you might be able to save me."  
  
She looked at him, puzzled, then noticed the Doom Wagon and Gir, who was making engine noises while playing with the steering controls. "Is that your vehicle? And your SIR?" He nodded. "They look cool." He blushed visibly.  
  
A half-hour later, back at the Nickelodeon Building, in Zim's office…Zim had just finished explaining the whole deal about employment and stuff to Rana. She frowned after Zim had finished telling her his involvement in all this, and told her how important she was going to be to both the show and his continuing career. "That's a lot of responsibility, Zim. What makes you think I'm that good?"  
  
"Rana, I'm sure of it. According to your file, you are guaranteed a ticket to…" He accessed the database on his computer and selected her file, checking her travel status. His findings were quite unexpected. "…Nowhere?" According to the file, Rana didn't deserve a ticket on the Mega Rail. She didn't even deserve to be sent by cryogenic pod. "WHAT?!"  
  
"Is something wrong?" she asked.  
  
"I can't seem to find you your ticket. But the ranking on your file said you were going to be a costar. That means you should have a ticket, but the computer says you don't."  
  
"Did I do something wrong?"  
  
"Impossible, you were born a half-hour ago. Are you sure you're the real Rana?"  
  
"Well, who else would I be?"  
  
"I don't know. Maybe some other Irken female?"  
  
"Is there anyway you can check?"  
  
"Actually, yes. May I see your pod?" She nodded. Zim got out of his seat and opened one of the spots on Rana's utility pod. A cable extended from a similar panel on his own and went into the hole. After a moment, the cable came out. "Well, that was disappointing. According to your pod, you are Rana."  
  
"Then why is there a problem?"  
  
Zim shook his head, frustrated. "I-I don't know. You know what I've gotta do? I've gotta go straighten this all out. I'll be back, okay?"  
  
A bit saddened, he started out the door. He was too caught up in his own feelings of confusion and misunderstanding to hear Rana say, "I'm sorry I let you down Zim."  
  
Zim walked down the corridor, heading for the elevator so he could get to the company records. As he started to pass Herb's office, the big golden door burst open and an irate Herb Scannell leaned out. "Zim! In my office! NOW!"  
  
Several minutes later, Zim and Dib were both standing before the desk of their boss, admiring his spacious and tastefully decorated office. Dib looked somewhat amused, despite the big bruise on his giant head and the crack in his glasses. Zim was worried and nervous. Herb did not look happy. "You vandalize company property to eavesdrop on an employee's personal line to obtain secret information so you can take your illegally modified car and run Dib here off the road!" The president yelled at Zim. He cringed. "And it was all to prevent a client from going to her legitimate agent!"  
  
"Nothing's legitimate about this place. You give Dib all the good clients!" said Zim, a little weakly.  
  
Dib shook his enormous head. "Zim, now I'm embarrassed for you."  
  
Herb scowled even more, his face twisting. "I'm going to have Rana come in here right now so you can apologize to her in person." He stabbed the P.A. button on his desk. "Sandy, please send in Rana."  
  
"She left fifteen minutes ago. She said she had a long walk ahead of her and she had better get started."  
  
"WALKING!?!" shrieked Scannell, a vein standing out on his head. "Why does she think she has to walk to the employment office?"  
  
"That was the best thing I could find her." Said Zim, feeling very guilty.  
  
"Zim, Rana was going to be a costar, and she thinks she's walking just because you couldn't find her ticket!? This is why I give all the good clients to Dib, since he's more responsible in this matter! That girl was a saint and a shoe-in for a ticket on the Mega Rail! Now she's somewhere else, lost in the Petrified Forest outside of town, forced to confront the demons of the wild unprotected and alone, her destiny stolen by an over- reaching actor who was looking for a commission he didn't deserve. You are in BIG trouble, Zim. You're fired. Dib, his slot will now be your own. The first episode of The Adventures of Dib Membrane will be premiering this Friday."  
  
"Yes!" cheered Dib.  
  
"As for YOU, Zim…" Herb Scannell grinned evilly. "Well, you'll just have to wait and see, now won't you?" Zim looked down at the floor, very worried.  
  
Uh oh! What's Herb Scannell going to do to Zim? Is there another reason Dib is favored over Zim? Will Rana make it out safely? Find out on the next chapter of Zim Fandango… 


	3. Look Ma, I'm a revolutionary!, The terro...

Time to go on with the next piece of the story. What will Herb do to Zim? Find out!  
  
Herb stood in the door of the mechanic's shack. "All right Zim, you're staying here until the boss decides when to do IT to you. And to keep you from escaping, your pod is staying right here with the rest of the junk. Ta!" He slammed the door shut and locked it. Zim, who was of course inside the hut, ran to the door and wrestled with the doorknob, trying to open it. He had no success. Glumly, he sat on the one chair in the structure, pondering what he had done. He had only wanted to keep his job, was that really so wrong? Why hadn't he been able to find Rana's ticket? What had happened to Gir? How would the fans react to this new Dib Membrane Show? What did Herb mean when he said the boss? He was president and C.E.O. of Nickelodeon, how could he have a boss? How was he going to get out of this hut without his trusty utility pod? As he was thinking, he thought he saw a silhouette through the shack's large window. Curious, he walked up to the window. Whoever was casting the shadow was just out of sight, but Zim could tell somebody was there. "Hello? Is anyone there?" he called.  
  
The silhouette turned to face him. "Hello Agent Zim. How are you doing?"  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"I'm you. Or rather, I WAS you."  
  
"You mean you're from the past? You're a lot taller than I am."  
  
"It was a figure of speech. I'm not saying I'm you, I'm saying I was once like you."  
  
"I suppose you're a guard of some sort. Would you happen to know what they're going to do to me?"  
  
"Zim, have you ever seen a person sprouted?"  
  
"Sprouted? What does that mean?"  
  
"Then you don't know that there is nothing worse than the sting of a sproutella bullet."  
  
"Sproutella?"  
  
"It is a chemical, the most dangerous chemical known to toons or men. The very effect of touching it causes a deadly reaction."  
  
"What exactly does it do?"  
  
"The Sproutella gun fires, hitting you with a dart. The dart injects Sproutella into your body, and then the process begins. The green chemical goes through every calcified pore in your bones, causing flowers to sprout from your very flesh. As the unbelievably agonizing pain from having something growing rapidly inside of you increases, begonias blossom from your chest, tulips burst from your hands, roses and daisies grow from your legs, and then the bulbs sprout from your eyes until you crash out, going into full bloom, feeling one last bout of pain more excruciating than anything you could possibly imagine, and finally you are nothing more than a patch of wildflowers on the ground, swarming with butterflies. And THEN you die."  
  
Zim gulped. "N-no, I-I've never seen that."  
  
"I have. Too many times…"  
  
"Once again, who are you?"  
  
"I already told you, I'm you, a fellow prisoner."  
  
"Yeah, but with a bigger cell. Please, let me out! I have to do something!"  
  
"The only way out, Zim is to be let back in. If you scream out your loyalty long enough, perhaps the company will come and stick you back in their fold. Well?"  
  
Zim paused for a moment. He did want his job back, but…no. He really did want his job back, his show, but not at the price of his dignity. He knew something was wrong here. "Nickelodeon is running a crooked game, and I intend to prove it."  
  
"Do you really mean that, Zim? Or are you just trying to intimidate me?"  
  
"No! I mean it! I'm gonna blow the lid of this place, exposing Herb Scannell and Dib for the frauds they are! And then, then I will rain my doom from the sky onto their filthy doomed heads!"  
  
"My friend, you are an enemy of Nickelodeon." The silhouette disappeared. The doorknob turned and the hut opened revealing the figure, a big pink starfish with a bathing suit, a green jacket and a little beret. "Welcome to the club!"  
  
Zim blinked. "Patrick Star? I thought you were kicked off Spongebob Squarepants!"  
  
Patrick nodded. "I was!"  
  
"Then what are you doing here?"  
  
"Follow me and I'll explain everything."  
  
A few minutes later, in an alleyway right outside of the building…Patrick looked into the eye of one of the decorative monsters carved into the wall. "Patrick Star and guest requesting permission to come down." He stepped away, looking at a freight elevator in the ground. The metal hatches opened up, the elevator rising from the ground. Patrick stepped into the elevator, followed by Zim. As the elevator descended, Zim asked, "What's going on here?"  
  
Patrick took a deep breath. "Zim, one year ago I discovered something horrible about Nickelodeon. This information forced me to quit and form a movement called the LTA, the Lost Toon's Alliance. I am of course the leader." The elevator hit bottom, opening onto a square room somewhere in the sewers. A tunnel one side of the room led deeper into the sewers, while another one was covered by a big hatch. There was a table with a slide projector in the middle of the room, a large computer on the right wall, and a smaller worktable in the upper-left corner of the room. Sitting at the table, working on a radio of some sorts, was…Sandy? "You already know Sandy, of course."  
  
"Hey Zim." Said Sandy.  
  
Patrick walked up to the slide projector and turned it on, showing a complicated diagram on the screen at the back of the room. "Like I was saying, I discovered something horrible about Nickelodeon."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Back in 2002, one of the stars from a show turned evil and has been corrupting the company from within. They are doing something truly horrible, Zim."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you never wonder why you were cancelled for a short time?"  
  
"I've asked, but nobody's ever told me."  
  
"It was because the toon who has corrupted and taken over Nickelodeon didn't want any competition. As one of the most popular shows, you were perceived as a threat and done away with."  
  
"Yeah, but the fans brought me back. Can't they just do so again for this cancellation?"  
  
"I'm afraid not. This toon is really calling all the shots now, and he will make sure you stay down. That's why he tried to sprout you, but I found out about his plans ahead of time and rescued you."  
  
"But why are you telling me all this? And what is this toon trying to do? Who is he?"  
  
"I am telling you all this because I think you have the potential to be one of my agents. I have no idea as to who this toon is, but I do know what he's doing. Or at least part of it."  
  
"Okay, what's going on? I'm dying to know. And if you give me any more runaround, I'll sic Gir on you."  
  
Patrick chuckled, then got serious. "Zim, have you wondered why all of your clients, even the best ones, have never seemed to qualify for anything better than walking?"  
  
"Yes, especially my last one, Rana."  
  
"When did this slump start to happen?"  
  
"Right after I got rehired."  
  
"And does that tell you anything?"  
  
"What do you…OH! You mean the toon has made sure all of my clients are bad ones?"  
  
"Not exactly. You see Zim, most of your clients DID qualify for a ticket on the Mega Rail, especially her. But this mystery toon has gained access to their files and stolen their tickets on the Mega Rail."  
  
Zim was aghast. "That's horrible! Why would he do something like that?"  
  
"As you know, many toons never make it to the employment office and just quit. Many of them settle down and run their own businesses, becoming quite rich as a result. But they all still yearn for a chance to get a job with the company, so a ticket on the Mega Rail would be like a key to a chest of gold for them."  
  
"This toon is stealing the tickets from their rightful souls and stealing them for money? That's awful. And that means all of the poor souls who lose their tickets are forced to walk all the way, and some of them might not even make it…"  
  
"Exactly. And with the lack of good talent, our shows have been getting worse. Remember Spongebob's last Christmas special?"  
  
"Ugh, don't remind me. Okay, so this fiend is doing something unspeakably evil. What do you want me to do?"  
  
"I want you to join me, Zim. Be a member of the resistance."  
  
Zim shook his head. "Sorry Patrick, but I really don't think so. All I want is to find Rana so I can get my job back."  
  
Patrick shrugged. "Okay, but you can't get out of the city without my help. When you really make up your mind, let me know." He leaned against a wall, examining the diagram.  
  
Zim was still having a little trouble absorbing all this in. He found it all too easy to learn he had been used for years, but what was being done with these tickets appalled him. He decided to talk to Sandy, who was still working on the radio. "So Sandy, what are you doing here? You're not really a secretary?"  
  
"I'm a spy, Zim."  
  
"How long have you been with this movement of Patrick's?"  
  
"Only six months. He recruited me after Herb kicked me off of Spongebob. Of course, now you know why…anyway, I couldn't resist when Patrick asked me. He just seems so…noble!"  
  
Zim turned and looked at Patrick, who was picking at his belly button. "If you say so. What are you working on there?"  
  
"A radio to communicate with our field agents."  
  
"You have field agents?"  
  
"Yeah, lots of people are eager to join a revolution. Although I think most of them are just in it for the berets."  
  
"It doesn't look like it's working. Is there a problem?"  
  
"Yeah, the damn thing won't stay on the right frequency. It's be a useful tool, but it's not the way to get our information, and we can't get that until we can fix up that old computer over there. Once that thing's up, we can hack into the company and learn anything we can."  
  
"Do you mind if I take a look at it? I might be able to fix it." She shrugged and got off her stool. Zim got at the table, took apart the radio, messed around with a few parts, and put the thing back together. "Finished."  
  
Sandy sat down and tested it. "Hey, nice job! Thanks Zim! However, there is still one problem with this thing."  
  
"What? I didn't see any other problems."  
  
"It's too easy for someone to eavesdrop on any communications by using the same frequency. Patrick is right, we need a different form of communication with the agents. Uh, do you mind? I've got to check up on our man in Zapato." With that, she started playing with the radio. Zim looked at Patrick for a moment, finally making up his mind. He walked over to the starfish and got his attention.  
  
"Okay, I've decided. I'll join the LTA, just as long as I don't have to wear a silly beret."  
  
"Hey, don't knock the beret man!"  
  
"Sorry. Can you get me out of the city now?"  
  
Patrick shook his head. "Sorry. Can't."  
  
"What? Why not?"  
  
"I have an assignment for you, your first one. Sandy's radio is well and good, but we need a better way to contact our field agents. I need messengers."  
  
"You want me to be your messenger?"  
  
"No, no, too dangerous. History has shown only one creature to be of aid in a cause such as this: carrier pigeons!"  
  
"You want me to get you some pigeons?"  
  
"No, I need you to bring me some eggs so I can train them from birth."  
  
"And if I get you the eggs, you'll get me out of the city?" Patrick nodded. "Where am I gonna find some pigeon eggs?"  
  
"We're in a big city, Zim. Where do pigeons love to hang out?"  
  
"On the rooftop, of course! Well, I'll be back soon." He started over to the freight elevator.  
  
"Good luck, Agent Zim." The big starfish called after him.  
  
Zim got into the alley and looked around, trying to figure out how to get to the top of a building. It would be too weird if he just went inside a building and asked to go to the roof, so he decided it would be easier to climb. Extending his spider legs, Zim leapt onto the side of the Nickelodeon building and started scaling the skyscraper, careful to stay away from windows. After a very long climb, he pulled himself onto the rooftop. He was in luck, there was a huge flight of pigeons nesting on the rooftop. He could see a nest full off eggs inside one of the ventilator openings. Zim carefully started to walk towards the birds, not wanting to aggravate them. Unfortunately, the birds did not like an Irken intruding on their nesting grounds and all of them rose up, like something out of The Birds. The nasty birds flew toward Zim, pecking at him. Screaming, he ran away until they stopped chasing them and settled back down. Scowling, Zim tried to devise a cunning plan to lure away the dirty avians and steal the eggs while they were distracted. Then he decided, Slark this, I'll just blast the hell out of them. Extending his spider legs, Zim aimed at the pigeons. "All right birds, I'll give you to the count of three to vamoose or I fire! One...two…three!" As the pigeons weren't moving, Zim started firing lasers from the tips of his legs, startling the pigeons and causing them to fly away, cooing. "Running away, eh? I won't stand for that! Take this! And this! And some of this! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" His lasers streaked through the air, frying pigeon after pigeon. He didn't stop laughing until every bird had fallen out of the sky, a blackened husk. "Ha! That will teach you to mess with the likes of Zim, stupid filthy stink- birds!" His way clear, Zim walked over to the ventilator opening. Of course, he was too short to reach it and had to rise using the spider legs to grab the whole nest. Still using the mechanical legs, he slowly and carefully walked off the edge of the building, climbing down the side of the skyscraper. When he finally reached the bottom, he walked over to the eye Patrick had used earlier. "Agent Zim and guests requesting entrance." The freight elevator shot up behind him. He stepped in and found himself back in the LTA headquarters. He marched over to Patrick and presented him with the entire nest. "Agent Zim reporting for duty. Mission successful, sir."  
  
Patrick took the nest in his two stubby, er, appendages, looking impressed. "Wow, you got a whole nest! With these, I can breed an entire army of winged messengers! And the ones that don't hatch I can save for food. Congratulations, Zim. Are you ready to leave yet?"  
  
Zim was tempted to say yes, but had a thought. "Patrick, Sandy said you guys needed this computer here working so you could hack into Nickelodeon, right?"  
  
"Yeah, but we haven't been having much success."  
  
"I can fix it."  
  
Patrick got a hopeful look on his face. "Really? That would be great!"  
  
"Yeah, just give me a minute…" Zim pulled the computer out and opened up the back, tinkering with the insides. After fifteen minutes, he climbed out, walked to the front of the computer, and started it up. "There you go. She's all yours."  
  
Patrick grinned. "Nice work, soldier! You are truly a friend to the revolution, and now…now I will help you!" He walked over to the tunnel sealed by a hatch and opened it. "Follow me."  
  
Half an hour later…Zim and Patrick were walking down a long service corridor, the way lit by the starfish's flashlight. While he didn't have to wear a silly beret, Patrick insisted he wear a jacket, at least for a little while. "To find Rana, you must journey through the Petrified Forest and make it to the port town of Speedo Bottom."  
  
"Speedo what?"  
  
"It was named by Spongebob fans in the company."  
  
"Ah. How do you know she'll be there?"  
  
"I don't. But I do know that if anyone walking is trying to get to the employment office, they must go to Speedo Bottom, where they must wait until a ship they can afford passage on comes in. However, you may be in for a very long wait for this woman, my friend."  
  
"I'll wait as long as it takes, Pat." Said Zim determinedly.  
  
Patrick looked down at his comrade for a moment, thoughtful. "Zim…are you in love with this woman?"  
  
"Love? Of course not, Patrick. She's just another client. A beautiful, talented client who is my only chance of getting my old job back and one-upping Dib once and for all. But love? No, no, no."  
  
Patrick nodded, not believing him. "Of course Zim. Of course." He stopped, pointing his flashlight ahead of them at a ladder at the end of the tunnel. "We've arrived. Good luck on your quest, agent Zim. I'll keep in touch." With that, he walked away, leaving Zim to climb up the ladder by himself.  
  
He reached the top of the long ladder and found a hatch. He opened it and climbed out. He was on top of a hollowed-out tree stump at the edge of the Petrified Forest. He could see Nick City only a few miles away. Before he turned to walk into the dark foreboding woods, he took a final sad look at the city that had been his home for so many years. Okay, so it was only about six but that's really how old he is. Shedding a small tear, he walked into the Petrified Forest. It was everything he had heard it was, huge and dark and weird, with lots of hardened trees. He started getting nervous, constantly hearing noises. He knew the woods were supposed to be full of monsters, and every twig snapping and wood cracking sounded to him like a beast preparing to pounce. He was very surprised when he heard crying. Curious, he ran in the direction of the wailing, running past many trees and stuff before finding himself in a large clearing. He as astonished to see two things, aside from a signpost that pointed to the way out of the forest. The Doom Wagon and Gir were here! He ran over to his partner. "Gir, why are you crying? What are you doing here?" Zim asked.  
  
Gir blinked back tears and looked up. "Master?" he suddenly leaped, jumping onto Zim's head and hugging it tightly. "Master, I was so worried! They fired me and kicked me and Doomy out of town, and they told me you were dead!"  
  
"It's okay Gir, I'm here and quite alive. We can't get our jobs back at the moment, but we are going to look after Rana."  
  
Gir stopped wailing, still on his master's head. "The nice lady?"  
  
"Yes Gir, the nice lady." There was a long moment. "Gir, get off my head!"  
  
Gir got off of Zim's head, sat down and started crying again. "Gir, what now?"  
  
"Before the execs left, they took the most important thing in my life and threw it over in the woods over there!" shrieked Gir, waving his hand at a path leading away from the clearing.  
  
"They took out your soul?"  
  
"No, even worse!"  
  
"What could they take away from you that's more precious than your soul?"  
  
"The keys to the Doom Wagon! Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Zim winced, his antennae shaking from the noise. "Gir, stop crying! Just wait here and I'll get your keys back."  
  
Gir stopped crying. "Okey dokey! Taco!" He ran over to the Doom Wagon and started making engine noises in the driver's seat. Zim walked down the path Gir had indicated. He went a ways and found himself at the base of a large petrified tree. Some of its roots arced out of the ground and into the air before plunging back into the ground again. Large spider webs were woven into every arch. Zim noticed that the nearest one had something glimmering in it, the keys! As Zim approached the web, he saw what must have made the webs. They were spiders. Dachshund-sized spiders. Dachshund- sized spiders with wings. However, they didn't seem to be making any threatening moves towards him, so he ignored the monsters. He tried to pull the keys from the web and failed. Extending a spider legs, he cut into the web, trying to slice it up. He made a large gash. As he prepared to make another cut, he heard a strange chittering sound. He looked up just in time to see a giant winged spider twice his size fly out of the top of the tree. It landed on the web, over the gash he had made, and mended it before flying back into the treetop. "Well that didn't work." Zim muttered. He needed a new plan. He noticed a pile of what looked like human bones lying near the web. The spiders seemed to have sucked the marrow out of them. Disgusted, he suddenly realized he had an idea. Grabbing one of the bones, he threw it into the web next to the keys. The spiders weren't interested in the bone, but that hadn't been the point of the maneuver. Extending a spider leg, he reached through a gap above the bone and curled over the bone, pulling on it. He backed away, pulling as hard as he could on the bone. When he couldn't pull back any further, he pulled back his leg. The web snapped back, throwing out the keys and the bone like a rubber band. Pleased with himself, Zim ran over to where the keys had landed, grabbed them, and ran back to Gir.  
  
Meanwhile, back in Herb's office…The drapes were pulled down over the windows, keeping anybody from looking in. The light closest to the desk were turned off, keeping the being sitting behind the desk enshrouded in darkness. That being was not Herb Scannell. Herb and Dib were standing before the man, or should I say toon, that had taken over the company. The toon glared angrily at Dib. "Sir, I assure you that as soon as Zim is dealt with I will personally go looking after the missing woman and bring her back." Dib said.  
  
"Just like you 'personally' picked her up?" asked the figure behind the desk sarcastically.  
  
"Well, that was my intention. But Zim somehow managed to get to her first." Said Dib, trying to justify his failure.  
  
Jumping onto the top of his desk from his chair, the boss glared down at both of them. Well, he glared down at Dib anyway, the toon was pretty short and only came up to about Herb's height when standing on the desk. "Dib, we gave you the fastest ship and the best clients. So how did Zim manage to get in there and eat your lunch!?!" shouted the boss.  
  
Dib recoiled. Herb felt he should intervene. "Oh now Bog, you can't get too mad. After all, it wasn't Dib's fault."  
  
The boss narrowed his eyes. "Oh, but you should know that I CAN get too mad, Herb. But not at Dib. After all, he's not the one in charge of this operation. Not until now, that is."  
  
The boss pulled a menacing-looking gun from a holster on his hip. Herb's eyes widened in horror upon recognizing what kind of gun it was. "Bog, don't!"  
  
The boss fired his gun twice, shooting two darts at Scannell. The little propellers on the backs of the bullet darts spun, sending the Sproutella within into Herb's body. Herb doubled over, gasping in pain. As little buds started appearing on his body, he fell onto his back, screaming. Seconds passed, the buds getting bigger and bigger, his screams getting louder until finally the flowers completely covered his body. With one final, ear- splitting shriek, Herb died. The boss grunted when he saw what kind of flowers had grown. "Huh, Marigolds. For some reason I was expecting daisies." He put the Sproutella gun back in its holster and returned to his chair. "Now Dib, be a good boy and personally get Mister Zim from the garage and bring him up here to be sprouted. As soon as this is over and we can get onto new business, the better."  
  
Nodding, Dib headed for the door. He paused and turned around. "What do we do with this?" he said, gesturing to the corpse of Herb Scannell.  
  
The boss shrugged. "Just have it sent to the Meadow, like the rest of them."  
  
"Whatever you say, Emperor Bog."  
  
Back in the forest…Gir was once again hugging Zim's head. "You got the keys back! Thank you Master! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!"  
  
Zim pulled off Gir and handed him the keys. "Come on Gir, we've got to find Rana and get out of here." Gir saluted and leapt into the driver's seat. Zim climbed into the throne. "Okay Gir, turn on the life form detector and set it to Irken so we can find her."  
  
Gir paused. "Life form detector? What life form detector?"  
  
Zim sighed. "You know, the little device that allows us to find a specific sort of life form, which makes it easier to find protoforms when their species are already determined?"  
  
"Oh, that life form detector. I took it out."  
  
Zim's eye twitched. "You…took it out?"  
  
"Yuh-huh!"  
  
Zim restrained himself from attacking Gir and strangling him for doing something so stupid. "Dare I ask why you took it out? Was it to make room for the cupcake? Or for the tuna?"  
  
"No, I took it out to make room for the artificial intelligence module."  
  
"What artificial intelligence module?"  
  
"The one talking to you, love." Said a feminine British voice that seemed to be emanating from the whole vehicle.  
  
"Aaaahhh! Who are you?" asked Zim.  
  
"I'm the Doom Wagon. Gir had the insight to install me with a brain so I would have more than just a pretty body. Call me Doomy."  
  
Zim hesitated, then shrugged. A talking car wasn't really that odd. After all, he had seen weirder things in cartoons. "Okay, can you find Rana?"  
  
"Sorry Master, but as my honey said, the life form detector is gone."  
  
"'Your honey'? Whatever, can you find the quickest way to Speedo Bottom?"  
  
"Why not just check the signpost over there? It would be a lot quicker than tapping into a satellite network."  
  
"Good point." Gir looked over at the signpost. It said, "This way to Speedo Bottom" and pointed to a path leading from the clearing. He pointed down the path. "That way!"  
  
Gir shifted the Wagon into gear, accidentally knocking over the signpost as he turned towards the path. "Whoopsie, I hope that wasn't important!"  
  
Zim groaned. "Let's just hope the next person to come here isn't Rana. Onward! And don't use the main engine!"  
  
"Awwww…" whined both machines. Moving at normal fast speed, the Doom Wagon flew down the path, using its special jets to go above rocks and stuff. After following a long, winding path, they stopped in front of a big metal wall wedged between two trees. As there seemed to be a river behind the trees, there was no way to go around the wall. Fortunately, there was door. Thinking there might be a bridge behind it, Zim got down from the wagon and walked toward the door. Just as he was about to open it, Gir called out to him. "Master, wait! Don't you know what's behind that door?"  
  
"Yeah, the way out of this forest." Said Zim, about to turn the handle.  
  
"Demon beavers, love! They'll make you into a dam!" said Doomy anxiously.  
  
Zim snorted. "Relax Mr. and Mrs. Gepetto! I'm not made of wood!"  
  
He opened the door and walked through, not hearing Gir and Doomy's last words. "But Master, they don't use wood!"  
  
As Zim stepped through the door, he saw several things. First of all, the river he had seen was made of tar, not water. Second, there was a bridge, and one big enough to support the wagon. More specifically, it was a dam. A dam made of bones from hundreds of cartoons who had been killed on their way through the forest and put there by the horrible beavers who had made this macabre crossing. Thirdly, there were the beavers themselves. They were twice the size of Dobermans, and they had leathery red skin and flaming backs. They truly were demons. One of the beavers noticed Zim, roared, and started towards him. Screaming, Zim ran back through the wall. The beaver roared at him then went back to doing nothing on the dam. Panting, he looked at the anxious Gir and Doomy. "Okay, you were right. The beavers are dangerous. But I have to go back there."  
  
"Master, don't! They'll eat you alive!" cried Gir.  
  
"I have to, Gir. Besides," he said, taking the fire extinguisher he had stolen from the network room out of his pod. "I have a weapon."  
  
He ran through the door, ready to face the beavers. He strode onto the dam. The beavers roared and started charging at him. Aiming the extinguisher at the first one, Zim let loose, sending a blast of magnesium-based fire retardant at the demon. The flame immediately went out on the beaver's back, and the demon slumped to the ground, dead. The other beavers, shocked, tried to run away. Zim hit them with the extinguisher, killing all the remaining beavers and avenging the poor souls who made up the dam. Zim looked across the dam and saw the path leading out of the forest. But how to get the Doom Wagon across? It wouldn't fit through the door, and it couldn't hover across water. He slapped his head, realizing he had forgotten about the ship's weapons. He returned to the ship. "Huzzah! I have defeated the scourge!"  
  
"Eh?" said Gir.  
  
"He says he beat the nasty beavers, dearest." Explained Doomy.  
  
"Okey dokey."  
  
Zim climbed back into the throne. "Now to get out of this horrible filthy place of…filth. Gir, give me firing control!"  
  
"It's the big red button on the left armrest, Master." Said Gir.  
  
Zim pressed the button. A holographic targeting display unfolded in front of him, a big red X indicating the target. A pair of triggers popped up from the bottom of the throne, raising into his hands. Aiming the crosshairs at the wall, Zim pressed the triggers. The heavy-duty laser cannons on the front of the Wagon hummed, then fired an awesome blast, obliterating the metal wall and making the way clear! "Ah ha! No mere wall can stand up to the might of Zim!"  
  
"That was a hoot!" yelled Gir for no reason.  
  
Gir piloted the Doom Wagon over the dam and down the path. Hours later, night had set in and they had finally reached the end of the forest. A road stretched out in front of the travelers, leading to Speedo Bottom. "Mister Gir, engage the warp drive." Commanded Zim.  
  
Gir pressed some buttons. "Warp drive ready, Master. Fire it up?"  
  
"Make it so."  
  
"You've got it, love!" yelled Doomy, firing up the main thruster, sending them rocketing down the road, to their destinies.  
  
Two days later…The Doom Wagon rocketed past a sign saying, "You are now entering Speedo Bottom" and stopped nicely in a parking lot at the end of the road. The parking lot was in front of what appeared to be an automat perched on a high platform. The automat was a long building with what looked like a giant cactus sticking out of the roof of the entrance. A ledge ran around the base of the cactus, with a door leading into the building on the cactus itself. A path led away from the parking lot, down some stairs, but the whole area was covered in fog so Zim couldn't see anything. As Zim eased himself out of the chair, leaving a Zim-shaped dent in the back of the chair and claw marks in the armrest, Gir started honking the horn. "Miss Rana? Miss Rana? Miss Rana, we're here to rescue you!"  
  
"Gir, quiet!" hissed Zim, jumping down from the throne. "You don't want to wake up everybody in town!"  
  
"But I want to drag race! When everyone sees my hot wheels, we'll be the talk of the town!" said Doomy.  
  
"Good point. You'd better hide Doomy. We don't want to attract attention to ourselves."  
  
"Okay, but can I have some fun with Doomy first?"  
  
Zim was about to say no, but Gir gave him that sad puppy-dog look and Zim couldn't resist. "Oh all right, but make it quick."  
  
With that, Zim started up the stairs on the side of the platform, heading for the next landing. As soon as he was gone, Gir leaned closer to the dashboard. "He's gone. Do you want to…"  
  
"Always do, lover." Gir's head flipped open, and a pair of cables shot out. Two slots opened up near the ship's headlights, two cables snaking out as well. The two pairs of cables wiggled in the air, sensing each other. The cables shot at each other, connecting with a satisfying crackle of electricity. Lights started to race down Gir's cables, going into the Doom Wagon. You might be able to guess what they're doing. Let's go back to Zim, shall we?  
  
Zim got onto the landing, looking around. As usual, the fog obscured most of the landing. Not able to see the stairs that led up to the automat, Zim wandered blindly through the fog, expecting to run into a railing at some point. He didn't. Instead, he ended up walking right off a cliff. As he fell, screaming through the fog, Zim was able to make out what was right below him. His purple blood went cold. When Patrick had said that Speedo Bottom was a port town, the words hadn't really registered in his head. Ports meant water. And right now he was falling towards the ocean, without any paste to protect him. As the surface of the ocean came up closer and closer, he quickly punched in a sequence of panels on the back of his pod. He was immediately covered by a skintight force field that would protect him from the water. Zim relaxed until he realized that he had forgotten to activate the air bubble. The force field would keep water from seeping into his mouth, but he wouldn't be able to breathe. As he was about to press the panel sequence for the air bubble, he hit the water hard, going under. He floundered desperately in the sea, trying to get to the surface and failing because he could not swim. A figure looked down at the Irken floundering in the water from a nearby dock and shook his head in disgust. "Tourists." He muttered. "Well, looks like this is another rescue job for old Velasco."  
  
A little later, Zim groaned and woke up, feeling horrible. He was leaning against the platform with the automat. He was looking into the eyes of a salty-looking pufferfish with a sailor's outfit and an eyepatch. "Are you all right, son?" the fish asked.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Did you rescue me from the water?"  
  
"Yup. Name's Velasco. I'm the Dockmaster around these parts. And you would be?"  
  
"Zim. Invader Zim."  
  
"Ah. Say, is that fine-looking vessel over there yours?" asked Velasco, pointing to the Doom Wagon.  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"Mind if I go give her a look-over? You'll be wanting a place to hide her from the locals, I'm sure."  
  
"By all means, go ahead."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Velasco walked over to the Doom Wagon. Grunting, Zim got up and walked past Velasco, who was now chatting with Gir, and walked back up tot he landing. Finding the stairs this time, he got to the automat and went inside. There was a small room with a restricted staircase going up to the cactus and a door leading to the main part of the automat. The walls were lined with little refrigerators with food in each compartment, a plastic tile next to each one showing a name and picture of the food inside. Walking across the linoleum floor, Zim noticed a gray squid mopping the floors with all six of his limbs. He looked a bit like Squidward from Spongebob. "Hey, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"  
  
The squid looked up. "Hmm? Sure, but we don't really open for a half-hour, and I've got to get this place clean."  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"You can call me Squidjoe. And yours?"  
  
"Zim."  
  
"Hello, Zim. What else would you like to know?"  
  
Zim pointed to the refrigerator labeled 22. The tile next to it showed a tongue. "What's number 22?"  
  
"Lengua."  
  
"Ew. Hey, I'm looking for a place to stay. Could you recommend a place where I can crash for an indefinite period of time?"  
  
"How much money do you have?"  
  
"Somewhere around the high-end of nothing."  
  
"Then maybe young man, it's time you thought of getting a job."  
  
Zim thought a moment. "Hey, can you get me a job here?"  
  
Squidjoe stopped wiping. "What are your skills?"  
  
"Acting and sales."  
  
Squidjoe scratched his chin thoughtfully with a tentacle. "You Irkens are clean freaks, right?"  
  
"Well, you could say that."  
  
"There's an extra mop over by the counter. If you can help me get this place clean before opening, you've got yourself a job. They keep rooms for the employees in the big cactus, and we've got plenty of spares you can use."  
  
Zim thought for a moment. Did he really want to do this? Degrade himself to the level of janitor just so he could get a job and a place to stay until Rana showed up? He grabbed the mop and started wiping the floor. The sun came out and burned away all the fog, shining down upon the town of Speedo Bottom as the citizens woke up, not yet knowing of the newcomers to their home.  
  
FOUR MONTHS LATER  
  
It was a holiday in Nickworld, the celebration of the formation of Nickelodeon. The moon shone down upon the jiving port town of Speedo Bottom. But at the moment, we look at the third best nightclub in the town, not Maximino's Pig Track (that's the best) or the Blue Pod (that's the second best) but the building that used to be the automat, the Irkana Café. On the ledge just outside the cactus, one being looked down at all of Speedo Bay, admiring the view. This one being held a semi-great deal of power. He was manager and owner of the Irkana Café, third most admired guy in the town, and a friend of the big boy Maximino. This being was still a fair newcomer to town, only staying long enough to wait for somebody special to him, in a way. The being was about the size of a ten-year old, with a utility pod and a nice white tuxedo over his regular uniform. He was none other than Invader Zim.  
  
Whoa! It looks like Zim's gotten a lot farther than just a janitor in only four months. Rana has apparently not shown up yet. What strange adventures will Zim get into in this quaint portside town? Find out next time… 


	4. Part Two: A not-so-quiet night in old Sp...

Here's the next part of the story! Enjoy Zim's adventures in Speedo Bottom!  
  
1 PART TWO  
  
Zim looked down on the town below him. From the parking lot at the end of the road to the Petrified Forest, a series of stairs lead down to the residential area and the elevator to the lower part of the town. By walking past the elevator and going down more stairs, you would find the police station and morgue. From there, cross a long bridge high over the water and you would find yourself at the giant Pig Track. You could walk through the track and get down to the lower part of town, where the docks were. Long pathways, intersecting at one spot connected three docks. Two of the three docks were occupied. One of the docks was connected by a folding bridge to the pig track, had a big cruise ship in said dock, and was also where Velasco stored the Doom Wagon. One of the docks was home to Velasco and was occupied by a small normal boat. The third dock was the shipyard, currently empty. The shipyard had a long, curving path that lead to the lighthouse. One more path led away from this intersection and went to the Blue Pod, the second best nightclub in town and where the elevator went. "Looks like a quiet night in old Speedo Bottom." He thought to himself. He walked back into the cactus, into his office/bedroom. He had a nice desk, a low bed, and an end table and chair. There was also a bathroom and changing wall, but that's not as important. Zim had only been a janitor for a week before he was lucky enough to be included in a high-stakes poker game with the boss. He actually won, gaining ownership of the automat. Deciding the place needed to be changed, Zim had undergone a massive renovation job, taking out the floor in the original automat and deepening it, making a small restaurant and a casino. His desk concealed the control panel for the roulette tables. It came with a magnet so he could cause the little ball to always roll to a certain number and color on the wheel. Of course, this was cheating, but it was also the only way to keep the police from raiding the club. The police chief, Bogen the crime dog, was rather fond of gambling and came tot he casino often. As long as he always won, Zim ensured that he would not be shut down. He considered what he should do that night. Go to bed early, perhaps? No, there was always a chance that…she would show up. The chance was admittedly slim. But he did have hope. He noticed a pile of letters on his desk and picked them up. They were his "wartime communications" with Patrick, all but the first one delivered by one of the new homing pigeons. Pat had named the first two hatchlings Little Zim and Little Rana. Cute. They even got little berets. Patrick had kept him up to date on the LTA's successes and failures, while Zim did his part to aid the cause by watching out for any criminal influences in Speedo Bottom. And what better way to find out about criminal influences than to own a casino? Of course, it was probably just an excuse he had made up for himself. The real reason he had radically changed the old automat to the Café Irkana was an attempt to impress Rana if she ever showed up. It had been four months, but there was still a chance…anyway, in one letter Patrick had mentioned how thanks to the pigeons and the computer access Zim had given them, the revolution was spreading and gaining power. He said it was all thanks to Zim, and even said, "I, Patrick Star of the Lost Toons Alliance, salute you Invader Zim, a great ally in this noble revolution." Pat had also discovered whom the mastermind that had taken over the crime groups in the city and Nickelodeon itself. It was none other than Emperor Bog, villain from the Butt Ugly Martians. What his true purposes were had yet to be seen, though. For no real reason, Zim put the letters in his pod, his intuition telling him they might come in handy. He headed downstairs to see how business was going. Right at the bottom of the stairs was the entrance and cloakroom. Lope, the cloak girl, was scurrying around just beneath the counter of the cloakroom widow. It was obvious that the female dog had gotten into the sugar again. Lope was an incredibly energetic and bubbly person who often got on people's nerves. She also had a bizarre fascination with coats, which was why she was perfect for the job. Then again, she may have been a little too fascinated with coats. She had a motto, "We must all hang together, or we will surely run out of coat hangers." Walking softly to avoid Lope's interest, Zim went through the door that led to the restaurant. He was on the landing with the stairs that led down to the floor of the café. It was empty at the moment. The only person in the room at the moment was Gir, who was playing the piano. Strangely, he was actually quite good at it. Since clothes didn't really fit on Gir, Zim had just painted him so it looked as if he was wearing a cute little white tuxedo. Zim walked down the stairs and over to Gir. Gir immediately sensed his approach. "Hi Master!"  
  
"Hi Gir. How are things going tonight?"  
  
"Holidays aren't good for business, Master. But last night-remember last night Master? Whooee!"  
  
"What about the casino?"  
  
"It's booming, as usual. Weird, you'd think they'd be home spending time with their families and taquitos."  
  
"Maybe they have no families. After all, when you've got nothing to go home to, you've got nothing to lose."  
  
Gir thought about that for a moment. "Hey, that's a good one, Master! We should put that over the door."  
  
Zim shrugged. "Maybe." He looked around his nice little club, leaning against the banister. "You know, I'm actually gonna miss this place when we leave."  
  
Gir stopped playing for a moment, a little sad. "Ah Master, do we have to leave? I like it here. We've got this great club, three square meals a day, Max lets me take out Doomy on his track once a week, plus we look good in these suits."  
  
"Yeah, but I wasn't meant to run a nightclub/restaurant/casino, Gir. We're actors, sort of. But don't worry, we'll enjoy this place while we're here."  
  
"Okay." Said Gir, continuing his piano playing.  
  
"What song are you playing?"  
  
"Oh, it's a song I wrote for a 'special lady', if you catch my drift."  
  
"Let's hear it."  
  
Gir started playing a little more energetically. "Oooooh, Oooooooooh, Ooooo-oooooo-ooooooooohhhhhhhhh, Dooooooooooooooom Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaagoooooooooon."  
  
"Hmm. I like it." He leaned there for a few minutes, listening to Gir play. "Gir, do you think she'll come in tonight?"  
  
"Who, my special lady?"  
  
"No, Rana."  
  
"You know what, Master? I think she will."  
  
"Thanks. Mind if I pass through?"  
  
"Go right ahead."  
  
Zim walked through the café, entering the casino. It was a small thing, only three roulette tables and nothing else. There were some nice decorations and some booths, though. There were four people at the roulette tables, a couple of old, yet rich people, a guy wearing a turban, and Police Chief Bogen, who was winning ads usual. Squidjoe was standing in the middle of the three roulette, making announcements now and then as to bets. After the makeover, Squidjoe had been promoted from janitor to croupier, a job he took to quite well. It was not the gamblers, Bogen, or Squidjoe that drew his attention however. It was the small fish sitting in one of the booths. A mackerel that didn't belong. Frowning, Zim walked over to the booth and climbed in, facing the mackerel. "Hello, Charles. Mind if I sit here?"  
  
The mackerel, Chowchilla Charlie, blinked his huge eyes. "Of course not Zim, of course not. After all, it is your restaurant, isn't it?"  
  
"Yeah, so what are you doing in it? I thought I told you not to come back here until you can pay off your bar tab. And it doesn't look like you've got it."  
  
Charlie shrugged. "Well, I would be at the Pig Track, but they kicked me out for printing fake betting stubs. So now I have to come here. Er, which I love, which I love."  
  
Zim was interested. "How did you print fake betting stubs?"  
  
"With this," said Charlie, pulling a handheld printer from a pocket in his fancy suit. It had a little pig's head emblazoned on it, indicating it printed fake stubs used at the Pig Track. "Isn't she a beauty? Last time I was in prison, I shared a cell with the most dishonest con man I ever met. He was strictly small time only, and I managed to swipe this off of him."  
  
Zim grabbed the printer and stuffed it in his pod. "Hey, thanks. I'll keep this as collateral until you can pay off your tab."  
  
"But…but…oh, Zim…"  
  
"I'll be taking my leave now, Charlie. Have fun. And if I catch you trying to mess with my roulette tables again, I'll strap a taco to your head and trap you in the same room as Gir."  
  
Before Charlie could protest anymore, Zim crawled out of the booth and left the casino. Walking up to the coatroom, he started out the door until Lope called to him. "Zim! Come over here!" Zim sighed and walked over. Lope popped up from her counter. "HI ZIM! How're you doing tonight?"  
  
"Fine, Lope. You?"  
  
"Just great, boss! Of course, we could have more coats, but…" she shrugged. "Anyway, I have to tell you all about my new coat filing system! Listen. I found these plastic tiles with numbers and pictures on them left over from the automat in the back, so I took them and…" Lope then went into an incredibly long and fairly incomprehensible explanation of her coat check system. Zim had lost any form of comprehension after the mention of the plastic tiles and started dozing off. Lope finally finished. "…And that's how everything works! Cool, huh? Well, I've gotta to go back to swimming in the coats now. Bye!"  
  
She ducked back under the counter. Zim woke up a few minutes later. "Huh? Wha? What happened? Oh well." Zim could vaguely remember something about Lope and incredible boredom. He was still a little bored, and decided to take a little stroll, go out on the town. He left the Café and started down the stairs to the landing. After his little accident because the prior management had not put up any sort of safety measures for the edge of the landing, Zim had put in a railing and also a pair of sight-seeing binoculars for the tourists so they could look around the town. Since he wanted the viewfinder to be accessible to Irkens like himself, he had put in steps so one of his size (such as Rana) could stand on them and see through the scope. He looked over at the binoculars and blinked. He could see the silhouette of a figure there. It looked like an Irken…could it be? He ran down the stairs and started walking towards the figure. "Rana? Rana, is that you?"  
  
The figure was turned away from him. It responded in a familiar voice. His squeegly-spootch soared for a moment, it was Rana! But then her words registered. "Zim, I've been so lonely. Why didn't you come looking for me?"  
  
"I tried…really…why did you run out of my office?"  
  
"Because you were disappointed in me. You said I was no good. I've been lost and scared in the world for a whole four months now…" The figure whirled around. "And it's all because of YOU!" Zim recoiled. It wasn't Rana at all, but a huge raven with the head of an Irken! No, the head was not that of an Irken, the antennae were replaced by horns, the eyes had a hint of blackness in their colored depths, and the teeth were razor-sharp needles instead of zipper-like. The raven flapped its wings, soaring into the air. After Zim got over his initial shock, he realized something. That…that thing had imitated Rana's voice exactly, which meant it must have met Rana at some point. It was a long shot, but Zim knew he had to see where the bird was going, it might lead him to a clue about Rana! A pair of high-yield binoculars snapped out of his utility pod, placing themselves over his face. Running to the railing, Zim followed the monster bird with his eyes. It flew down to the dock near the pig track, flying by the ship there, a large Irken-style hovering cruise vessel named the Big. As the bird flew by the ship, it passed near one of the hatches leading into the ship, flying over a couple. As Zim continued to follow the bird, he paid no mind to the couple until he realized he knew who they were. Looking back at the hatch, he saw a male and a female toon. The male seemed to be enticing the reluctant female up the gangplank into the ship. Except it was no ordinary male toon. It was Dib. And he wasn't leading a normal female toon up the gangplank either. It was Rana.  
  
He shoved the binoculars back in the utility pod and activated his spider legs, running at top speed down towards the elevator, knowing he had to get to the docks in time. He did it without even thinking, for if he had he might be considering why he was doing this. After all, Dib was her rightful deliverer. If he hadn't tried to save his job, she would already be at the employment office. In fact, chances were Dib was helping Rana to get there. So why did he experience this glargle-snarfle-wrenching feeling at the sight of Dib and Rana together? Making it to the dock, he saw he was too late, the ship was starting to move out, hovering away. Zim raced up the ramp to the upper part of the dock, and jumped off the edge, trying to reach the gangplank before it got too far away, not really caring or noticing that if he missed, he'd fall right into the water. He made it, grabbing onto the edge of the gangplank with his claw-tips. As he started to pull himself up, he saw Rana walk into the entryway of the hatch. He tried to call out to her, but was using up his breath trying to get onto the gangplank. He looked up at her for a moment, halfway on the plank. Their eyes met. In the opaque green depths of her eyes, Zim could swear he sadness, and what looked like a tear starting to form. Her spider legs popped out of her utility pod and aimed at the base of the gangplank. Before Zim could yell at her to stop, she fired her lasers, blasting the plank from the side of the ship and sending him hurtling to the dock below. As he fell, he was unable to hear her whisper, "I'm sorry Zim."  
  
He hit the dock hard, falling unconscious. As he blacked out, he thought he heard Velasco's voice say, "Not again…"  
  
A little while later…Velasco had dragged Zim back to his home on one of the other docks, where a rusty old boat (not a hover ship, but a boat) was anchored. Zim had quickly recovered and explained his situation, and also explained that he needed to get to wherever that ship was going on the next boat or ship leaving. Velasco had shook his head. "Zim, the Big is heading for Zapato. That's on the other side of the world. The only ship bound for there is the ol' Macarena over there."  
  
"Okay, I'll take her. When can I board?"  
  
"The Macarena is small cargo, son! Every hand on board works!"  
  
"I'll work!"  
  
"What are your skills?"  
  
"Acting, sales, and restaurant management."  
  
"Hmm…there IS an opening in the engine room…"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah, and your buddy Gir would be perfect for the job! But he would need to bring his own tools."  
  
"What kind of tools?"  
  
"Authentic Seabee tools."  
  
"Where am I going to find authentic Seabee tools?"  
  
"Why don't you try asking a Seabee?"  
  
"Good point. So if I get Gir Seabee tools, we can get on the Macarena?"  
  
"Well, he can join. The engine room is the only place with an opening, Zim. There's no room for a place like you. In fact, the whole crew's already on board, waiting to leave at dawn." Velasco paused. "Well, all except the one guy who hasn't come back yet, but he'll be there, you can be sure of that."  
  
"Who is he?"  
  
"Seaman Andrew Naranja, a human toon. He's not here at the moment, but as I said, he will be."  
  
"What job does he have on the ship?"  
  
"He runs the galley."  
  
"Ah ha! Restaurant management!"  
  
"Yeah, what he does is a lot like what you do, except the fish are fresher on the Macarena." He laughed at the joke. Zim didn't.  
  
"Where is Naranja now?"  
  
"Well, if I were him I would be stocking up on recipes for the coming voyage. Of course, I'm not him. He told me he was going to Toto's Scrimshaw Tattoo Parlor. Said something about getting a neat tattoo to wow all the others."  
  
"So if Naranja doesn't show up when it's time to go, can I have his job on the Macarena?"  
  
"Zim, all of the sailors are members of the Maritime Union. You are not a member of the Union."  
  
"Hey, you know that and I know that, but we're a couple of guys who can keep a secret right?"  
  
"The captain will ask for your union card, and if you don't have one, they'll throw you overboard." Zim shivered. "Yeah, I know, a horrible death for you. And what's worse, I'll get fined. It's a tough union kid, and I don't mess with them." He paused, taking a whiff on his pipe.  
  
"Where can I get a union card?"  
  
"You can't! Not before dawn, anyway." He thought for a moment. "However…"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"The captain is a mite farsighted. He won't be able to necessarily guarantee the authenticity of a union card, if you catch my drift."  
  
Zim blinked for a moment, catching his drift. "Well, where could I get a fake union card?"  
  
"Now I can't tell you that, Zim. Against the rules. But if I were you, I'd look for a guy good at faking things."  
  
Zim tried to sort it all out in his head. "Okay, let me get this straight. If I get Gir some Seabee tools-"  
  
"Then I can get him a job on the Macarena."  
  
"And if Naranja doesn't show up-"  
  
"Which he will."  
  
"And if I get a union card-"  
  
"Which you'll never get."  
  
"Then I can sail on the Macarena in the morning."  
  
Velasco looked frustrated. He sighed. "I guess so."  
  
"Good, I just wanted to make sure. Well, I'd better go get started."  
  
"Good luck, boy. You'll need it." Velasco called after Zim as he started walking to the bridge intersection I mentioned earlier.  
  
Zim headed down to the shipyard dock, where he knew the Seabees worked. The Seabees were specialized cartoons, created not to go on any show but to build ships. Zim was buddies with one of the smarter bees, Terry Malloy, so figured he could get some tools from him. As he entered the shipyard, he saw a bunch of Seabees working on the metal framework for a new ship, using their big tools on it. Terry wasn't among them. Zim wondered where he was, until he saw three bees standing in front of a burning garbage can, trying to keep themselves warm. Terry was one of them. Zim walked over, surprised that they weren't working. He approached Terry. "Hey Terry, how are you doing?"  
  
The large insect noticed his friend. "Oh, hi Zim. Things aren't looking good."  
  
"I can see that. Why aren't you working with the others? Aren't you with the union?"  
  
Terry laughed hollowly. "The union? The union doesn't look out for little guys like us! They only do what gives them more money. You don't know what it's like down here, pal. I mean, come on Zim. A guy comes down tot he docks, trying to do his job and earn an honest living, but then finds out that the union demands irregular expenses for no reason at all or you get fired. Me and the boys here couldn't pay, so they stuck us on barrel duty here."  
  
"Why don't you just pay off the dues?"  
  
"We bees got our pride, Zim! Besides, we just don't have the dough for that kind of thing."  
  
"Do you think you could lend me some of your tools?"  
  
"Sorry, we sold them to feed our families."  
  
Zim mulled over that. "But Terry, if you sold your tools, how are you ever going to get back to work?"  
  
"I told you things were messed up down here Zim, I told you! I mean, to get work around here you've gotta be a crooked bee. It's like the solution makes the problem…uh…worse."  
  
"Like a catch-22?"  
  
"Yeah! Gee, I wish I knew words like that."  
  
"Why is the union doing this kind of thing?"  
  
"The union around here is run by the cops, Zim. And the cops are crooked. You should know about that better than anyone."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"We all know the cops are in bed with gambling."  
  
"Hey, that's not true! My club isn't in bed with anybody!"  
  
"What about the protection money?"  
  
"We pay it on the nose, through the nose, just like any honest joint should!"  
  
Terry shook his head. "See what I mean, Zim? This whole town, it's like a conga line of hustlers, laughing and dancing and scratching each other's backs, leaving guys like us in the dirt."  
  
"I'm sorry I can't help you out with your union problem, Terry."  
  
"Ah, you can't do anything, Zim. But the way I see it, the workers should control…control…something…I mean, things should be run…different…I mean…oh forget it! I'm just a dumb, underfed out of work bee. I'm not the kind of guy who could organize a revolt or labor organization."  
  
Zim nodded and was about to leave when he thought of something. He turned around. "Terry?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"If the cops run the union, and gambling's in bed with the cops…"  
  
"Then who's running the gambling, eh? Well the way I hear it, Maximino is the bigwig here in Speedo Bottom, but I also hear he gets his orders from some guys back in Nick City."  
  
"Hmm. Thanks for the info, Terry."  
  
"Anytime. I just hope I don't starve to death out here."  
  
Zim walked away from the poor bees, wondering how he could help them and get their tools. Then Terry's mentioning of labor organization and revolt popped up in his mind. Of course! He knew just the place where he could learn everything he needed to know about that sort of thing. He ran over to the Blue Pod. The Blue Pod was more than just a restaurant and nightclub, it was also a hotel. A cat named Olivia, who was able to afford the place because she was Max's girlfriend, ran and owned it. He entered the doors to the Blue Pod, shuddering as he saw what was inside. It was a fairly dark room, lit by little pink lamps all over the place. There was a small raised platform with a microphone on it, surrounded by spotlights. All of the people sitting at the tables were wearing black, berets, and sunglasses, some of which were sucking on hookahs. They were beatniks. Communist beatniks. He walked towards a group of three beatniks, who were chatting about what would happen after the democratic government was overthrown and the people took over. Zim noticed a red book with a star on the cover lying on the table, "Labor Organizations and Revolts made Easy." It was exactly what he was looking for! As he stood on his toes, reaching out to take the book, his hand was slapped away by one of the beatniks. "Hey, get away from that!" growled one of the three, a human.  
  
"Well, well, well, look who's here!" exclaimed a Martian, looking displeased.  
  
"If it isn't Invader Zim, the very incarnation of the bourgeois upper class." Snarled the third, an Irken with brown eyes.  
  
"Hey guys. Do you mind if I borrow this book for a while?" Zim asked.  
  
"Yes, we do mind." Said the human.  
  
"Go back to your sleazy restaurant, where you can have fun with all your greed-driven friends." Hissed the Irken.  
  
"Yeah, we're talking about things you wouldn't understand, like truth and beauty!" added the Martian.  
  
Grumbling, Zim turned away. Bourgeois, eh? He would show them! He would show those deadbeats he was more revolutionary than all of them put together! None were more revolutionary than Zim! He pulled out the letters from Patrick and headed back to the beatniks. "Hey, did I ever tell you guys you reminded me of my good friend…Patrick Star?"  
  
The Irken snorted. "Patrick Star is a mere fairy tale, created by the cops as they hush us to bed at night."  
  
The human seemed greatly angered by this. "You idiot! Patrick Star is a very real and a very great, great cartoon!"  
  
"He also writes a mean letter. Wanna see?" asked Zim, waving the messages in the air.  
  
The human took them from his hand and looked at them. His buddies got out of their seats and leaned over his shoulder to see the letters. "I, Patrick Star of the Lost Toons Alliance, salute you Invader Zim." he read off in disbelief.  
  
"A great ally in this noble revolution." Finished the Martian.  
  
The human handed back the letters, surprised. "You know Patrick Star? What's he like?"  
  
"Why didn't you tell us you were a freedom fighter, Zim?" asked the Irken.  
  
"Hey, I've got to keep my cover down, if it's blown this whole gig will be in Dangerville!"  
  
"Whoa." Said the Martian.  
  
"So do you mind if I take your book?"  
  
"Go ahead, brother." Said the Irken.  
  
"Thanks. Oh, and…Viva le Revolucion." The beatniks shivered, impressed. Zim grabbed the book. He was about to leave, until he saw a friend of his at the back of the club, where the doors to the kitchen and Olivia's office were, out of sight from the rest of the beatniks. He walked over and confronted her. "Laura, what are you doing here? I don't think this crowd would go for pictures, except maybe ones of Lenin."  
  
Laura was a cat, a freelance club photographer. "Zim, I'm here to prove to Maximino once and for all that Olivia's no good for him!"  
  
Zim sighed and shook his little green head. "Still hung up on Max, eh? Take it from me and stay away from Max. He's a gambling racketeer."  
  
"Kinda like you?" Laura joked.  
  
"Oh that hurts, baby." Zim said, feigning pain.  
  
They both started to chuckle, but Laura silenced him. "Shh! I hear someone coming!"  
  
Zim moved just out of view from Olivia's office door, to keep himself from getting seen. Laura got her camera ready. The office door opened, and two cats stepped into view. One was Olivia, a purple feline with a brown jacket and a beret. The other was Mick Virago, Maximino's lawyer. He had a red tie and a blue suit, not to mention blue fur. Their clothes and fur seemed a bit mussed, probably from whatever it was they had been doing in the office, if you get my meaning. Zim had never really gotten to liking either Olivia or Mick, though Max seemed okay. Olivia was bad enough because of her whole fake more revolutionary than thou attitude and her manipulative means, but Zim absolutely hated Mick. He was the kind of guy who gave lawyers a bad reputation. Mick leaned a little closer to Olivia, not noticing their watchers. "Come on sugar, how about one more for the road?" asked Mick.  
  
Olivia waved her hand. "Oh ick, Mick. You're a lawyer. You're not supposed to have feelings."  
  
"I don't, but I sure know a good tart when I see one." She shrugged, and they both moved in for a kiss. As they locked mouths, Laura took the picture, surprising the two felines. "What the?" Before they could do anything, Laura was running out of the Blue Pod. Mick was horrified. "If she gets that picture to Maximino, we'll be in matching terracotta pots!"  
  
Olivia shrugged. "He wouldn't dare harm me. He loves me."  
  
"Yeah, but I have no such assurance." Retorted Mick, running after Laura.  
  
As Zim watched him leave, Olivia called to him. "Ah Zim, at last we can talk alone. How are things with the upper class bourgeois?"  
  
Zim walked over to her, giving her a knowing glare. "Fine. How's Max?"  
  
"Oh please, don't start on me gramps."  
  
"What are you doing with Mick?"  
  
"Well I'd lay it on you daddy, but I doubt you'd get it."  
  
"Mating with your boyfriend's lawyer sounds pretty dangerous to me."  
  
"Oh, maybe I was wrong. You do understand."  
  
Zim decided to change the subject, not really wanting to probe too far. Olivia had great influence over Max, if she wanted she could have Zim's little club burned to the ground. "I'm a little worried about Laura…"  
  
"That's because she's doomed Zim. She fell in love with Maximino. That's one mistake I never made."  
  
"Do you think Mick will hurt her?"  
  
Olivia laughed. "Of course he'll hurt her. But he'll have to find her first, and take it from me, he's not good at finding things."  
  
Zim did not want to think about what she meant by that, so he changed topics again. "Open Mic night doesn't seem like much of a success."  
  
"Yes, it always takes those timid souls a while to get up the courage to stand in front of everyone."  
  
"Maybe you should go out there, get thinks rolling."  
  
She looked surprised. "Read poetry in my own club? Zim, that would be like saying this whole place is just a temple built to worship myself."  
  
You mean it's not? He thought. Out loud, he said, "Come on, just-"  
  
"Okay!" She walked over to the microphone and got everyone's attention. "Ahem. Scribbles to scribbles…to scribbles to scribbles…to scribbles to scribbles…to scribbles to scribbles…to me…to scribbles to scribbles…to scribbles to scribbles." The beatniks applauded. She started another one. It went like this:  
  
With furry hands I hold my partner  
  
On shoeless feet we cross the floor  
  
The music stops as if to answer  
  
An empty knocking at the door  
  
It seems his fur was sweet as mango  
  
When last I held him to my breast  
  
But now we dance this grim fandango  
  
And will a year before we rest.  
  
The beatniks applauded again as she walked away from the microphone and back to her office door. "That was great." Lied Zim.  
  
"Yeah, but it's the last one."  
  
Zim decided to just leave Olivia alone. He knew he should leave, but first he decided he should check out the kitchen. He entered the kitchen just in time to see the waiter mix the Blue Pod's specialty drinks, a concoction made of gelatin and dirty hookah water. The combination gave the drink a special kick that usually knocked the drinker out for several hours. The waiter suddenly realized Zim was there and got nervous. "Hey man, you didn't see me add the special ingredient, did you?"  
  
"Relax, Olivia stole the recipe from me in the first place."  
  
"Yeah, she steals from the rich and gives to me to pour."  
  
The waiter placed the drinks on a platter and carried them out of the kitchen. Zim noticed the sink was full of dirty hookah water. He knew that if he ran into Naranja, he'd have to make sure he didn't show up for work, and maybe drinking a little hookah water would keep him on ice for a while. After climbing up to the sink, Zim extended a mechanical arm with a sort of syringe from his backpack, siphoning up a little hookah water and safely storing it away. With nothing else in the kitchen, he left. As he left the restaurant, he noticed the waiter giving a drink to a girl. She gulped it down, started wobbling, then fell unconscious. Zim shrugged and headed down tot he shipyard, knowing he had to give the book to Terry. He handed the renamed copy of the Communist Manifesto to the bee. "I believe these are the words you're looking for."  
  
Terry started looking at the book. "The workers…shall control the method of production. The workers shall control the method of production! Yes! These are the words I'm looking for!"  
  
Half an hour later…Terry had finished reading through the book and was now ready to make his speech to his fellow Seabees. "Fellow Seabees, we have let the rich upper class push us around for too long! When will the fat cats of industry stop using the exploited pollen of the working class? Lay down your tools and join me now!" Curious, the working Seabees stopped what they were doing and came closer. Terry went on to describe the cruelties that had been placed upon them, and how they should do something about it. "I say we fight back!" he yelled. The other Seabees agreed and started cheering "Union! Union! Union!"  
  
Zim was pleased. It looked as if he was going to get the tools quicker than he had expected. That's when he saw a dog in a blue uniform approaching the bees. He quickly hid behind a metal support, not wanting Bogen to spot him. Terry was doing a sort of dance, until Bogen grabbed him behind. "Well, well, what have we here? A bee agitator? I only thought bees came in two colors, yellow and black, but you look all red to me, comrade."  
  
"Hey, let me go! We have the right to assemble peacefully!"  
  
"Yes, and that right will come in handy because you'll need a lot of assembling after we take you apart!"  
  
Bogen handcuffed all four of Terry's arms and started dragging him to the police station. As he struggled, Terry yelled, "Zim! Get me a lawyer! Get me a lawyer!"  
  
As the bees that had been curious shrugged and got back to work, Zim shook his head. "Bogen's got him…that's gonna make it tough for me to get him back out here. And the only lawyer I can think of is…oh no…Mick Virago." He sighed. "Well, I'll try to find him later. Let's see if I can scrounge up that union card. The best faker I know would be Charlie. Better head back to the Café, then." He left the docks and headed back to the Blue Pod, using the elevator there to get back to upper Speedo Bottom. He took the walk to his club and headed to the restaurant part, where he decided to lay the news on Gir. "Gir, I just had a run-in with Dib and Rana. We're leaving at dawn."  
  
"Wha? How?"  
  
"Dib's got Rana. We're leaving on the next ship out of town."  
  
"What should I do?"  
  
"For now, sit tight and keep playing."  
  
"Sit here: check! Okay."  
  
Zim nodded and headed over to the casino, where he slipped into Charlie's booth once more. "Ah Zim, you're back! Are you going to return my betting stub printer?"  
  
"No, but I did want to know what else you could fake."  
  
"Nothing." Said Charlie. Zim glared. "Anything. What do you want?"  
  
"Can you do passports?"  
  
"Zim, there is no need for passports here! We are all members of the same nation, and our king rides an orange steed."  
  
"So no passports?"  
  
"No, those little holograms are so tricky, you know?"  
  
"What about driver's licenses?"  
  
"Sure, just give me fifty bucks and about two weeks."  
  
"Actually, I already have a license. I was just checking. Let's cut to the chase, Charles. What about union cards?"  
  
Charlie was surprised. "Zim? Are you looking to moonlight or do you just want to hang out with sailors?"  
  
"Lay it to me straight, Chuck. Can you make a union card or what?"  
  
Charlie hemmed and hawed a bit. "Tell you what Zim. You do me a little favor, and I can make you president of that crooked union."  
  
"I don't want to be president, I just want to be in it. What's the favor?"  
  
"A month ago, I put up a very large wager at the pig track. I used a suitcase full of money as collateral. The race was rigged Zim. They took it from me, like common thieves! I want you to get that suitcase back." He handed Zim a card with several running pigs embossed on it. "This VIP pass will allow you to get into the High Roller's Lounge in the track, and from there you should be able to gain access to the wine cellar. There should be a safe in the wine cellar, and in that safe will be my suitcase. Got it?"  
  
"And the card?"  
  
"If you make it back, Zim, the card will be on the table."  
  
Zim nodded and got up, starting to leave. He realized that Charlie had also unknowingly given him the means to get to Mick Virago, since the lawyer would probably be enjoying the splendor of the High Roller's Lounge. He would get to Charlie's money eventually, but he wanted to help out Terry first. He headed for the exit to the building, when he was stopped by Lope. "Hey Zim, I've got something here for you from Laura."  
  
"Laura? What is it?"  
  
"I just said she left something here for you a little while ago. Hold on, I'll get it." She disappeared under the counter, burrowing through whatever she had in the cloakroom. "Now where ids it? I got a whole new system for messages. Is it here? Yes! No! Over here! No! Be quiet! Ah ha!" She jumped back up, holding an envelope. She frowned. "Hey, something's wrong."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The envelope's empty. When Laura gave it to me, it felt like there was something in it, a key."  
  
"A key?"  
  
"Yeah, but it's gone now. Did somebody come back here and snake the key while I wasn't looking? Who would do something like that?"  
  
Zim shrugged and left the restaurant, but he was troubled. In his mind, the only person who would have taken this key Laura left for him would have been someone chasing her. It had to have been Mick. But where did this key go? And why hadn't Mick wanted him to find it? As he walked away from the Café' Irkana, heading past the police station and morgue on the way to the pig track, his thoughts turned to Rana. Why had he felt that feeling when he saw Dib and Rana together? He looked up the moon, and found himself starting to think how, in a weird way, it looked sort of like her. Could it be? He thought. Could Patrick have been right all along? Could I really be in love?  
  
Is it possible that Zim has fallen in love with Rana? What happened to Laura? How will Zim manage to get the tools, the job opening, and the union card all in one night? At least he knows where the Naranja guy is, and where the money Charlie wants him to get is supposed to be, but will it really be that easy? Probably not. Stay tuned for the next chapter, where Zim doe slots of stuff! 


	5. Blackmail for fun and profit, How to foo...

You know what? I'm running out of things to say up here, so how about I just get the story rolling?  
  
Zim finished his walk over the bridge, entering the giant pig track. Walking down the stairs to the gambling part, he found himself in a small room with a missing back wall. This missing wall opened onto the pig track, where Zim could see the huge stadium filling up, and the giant pigs were priming up for their run. On either of the other two walls was a booth. One of the booths was where you could place your bets and get piggy hats, but the latter was only available on Tuesdays. The other booth was the photo finish record. You could show a fake betting stub to the guy in the booth and he would get the photograph for the race and week printed on the stub so you could see if the pig you had betted on for that race was a winner or not. In the middle of the room was a staircase that led down to the stadium itself and split off into two corridors, one of which led to the dock at the bottom of the track, the other leading to the giant pigpen. Zim was interested in neither of these, though. He was interested in a corridor on the wall near the gambling booth, which lead to an elevator. Zim walked down the hall to the elevator, admiring the reliefs of piggies on the walls. The elevator doors opened automatically, revealing the operator guy. "Oh, I am sorry sir but only people with VIP passes may go down to the High Roller's Lounge." Said the green fly.  
  
"You mean like this one?" asked Zim, showing the bug his pass.  
  
"Oh, my apologies sir. Please step in."  
  
Zim did so. The bug pushed the button and Zim went down to the High Roller's Lounge. Zim looked around in awe. It trumped his little place by a huge amount. In fact, the entire Café Irkana could fit in this lounge, except for the cactus. Next to the elevator was a staircase that went to the upper part of the lounge, where guests could sip on wine while watching the races. There was a small structure in the middle of the room, the kitchen. A platform bridged the stairs and the top of the kitchen, forming the upper level. At the end of this kitchen was a giant bronzed pig statue. There were lots of couches and tables littered around the room, but not really many guests. A door on one side of the room led to Maximino's office. A snooty blue French frog walked around with a platter and wineglass, obviously the waiter. Zim saw Mick Virago sitting at one of the tables. He quickly made his way over there. Mick was sipping from a martini glass and smoking a cigarette while doing tax work. Zim got his attention. "Mick Virago, what are you doing in the High Roller's Lounge? I would think Maximino's private lawyer would get his own office."  
  
"I do, but they don't serve drinks there."  
  
"You've got a little lipstick on you, lover boy."  
  
Mick pulled out a cigarette case. "I got rid of that, and I can get rid of you too, Zim." He opened the cigarette case, reaching for a new cigarette, but accidentally opened a secret compartment in the case, causing a little key to fall to the ground. Mick quickly grabbed the key and put it back in the case, closing the compartment and getting himself a new cigarette. Pretending the incident didn't happen, Mick lit the cigarette and faced Zim, placing the case on the table. "What do you want?"  
  
"Virago, I need a lawyer."  
  
"What for?"  
  
Zim was about to tell him about Terry, then remembered that Mick hated Seabees. He quickly thought of a different problem. "Actually, I want to adopt Gir."  
  
Mick raised an eyebrow. "Zim, that android is designed to be your servant, not your child."  
  
"Yeah, but he needs guidance, not just orders. And in a way, he already feels like a son to me. I just want to make it nice and legal. That's where you come in."  
  
"Will you be needing a regular lawyer or an excellent lawyer?"  
  
Knowing Mick's ego, Zim knew he would have to compliment him. "An excellent lawyer."  
  
"Any excellent lawyer or the best excellent lawyer?"  
  
"The very best is good enough for me."  
  
"And who would you say that is, Zim? Who is the best lawyer you know, in all the Land of the Nicktoons?"  
  
Zim sighed. "You are, Mick."  
  
"That's right, and that's why Maximino retains me on an exclusive basis, meaning I'm not going to help you." Snickering, Mick went back to work.  
  
Zim frowned. "Look Virago, I really need a lawyer."  
  
"Well my dance card's full, so what are you going to do?"  
  
"I could ask Max if I can borrow you."  
  
"Won't work, Max likes sharing his lawyer as much as he likes sharing his girlfriend."  
  
"Okay, I could ask you again!"  
  
"That doesn't surprise me."  
  
"I could threaten you with this gun!"  
  
"Zim, if anyone in this town had guns but us, we'd know."  
  
Zim unfolded his spider legs, aiming at Mick's head. "Help me out or I'll blast you." Mick calmly pulled out a Sproutella gun and aimed it at Zim's head. Getting the drift, he retracted the legs. "Okay, in that case I could go tell Max about you and Olivia,"  
  
Mick shook his head. "Zim, a claim like that could send a person like Max into a blind rage, especially if the person telling him had no proof. Now, I'd like to think you're a sensible man, er, child who wouldn't do anything stupid like that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go have a word with Max."  
  
Mick got up and headed over to Max's office, leaving his cigarette case behind. Realizing his luck, Zim picked up the case. Mick had hidden a key inside, there was a good chance that this key was the one Laura had left for him. He opened the case and found only cigarettes. He shook the case, hearing a rattling from the secret compartment the key was in. He tried to open it, but couldn't find any latch. After a few minutes of trying to claw it open and bashing it on the table, Zim tried to pry it open with his spider legs. When that failed as well, he lost it. Throwing the case to the ground, he yelled, "All right you stupid piece of junk, eat lasery death!" he blasted the case repeatedly with his lasers, laughing maniacally and getting the notice of the other guests. After he had reduced the cigarette case to a pile of cinders, Zim sifted around through the cigarette ash and found the key. He was suddenly aware of everyone looking at him. "What? What? Go back to your business! Stop looking at me!" They quickly did so. Zim examined the key and noticed the word "Lighthouse" was carved onto it. Now he knew exactly where to go. He left via the elevator and headed down the stairs tot he stadium. There was a landing at the bottom. He could either go left, right, or straight. Straight would take him down to the stadium, which he did not want. The left was a set of stairs going to the docks. As he was about to go down the stairs, he noticed something tot he right, down the long hallway leading to the pigpen. It was a big case with a stuffed giant pig in it, one of the former racers. The racing pigs Max bred were the size of horses, which was why there was such a big track. Zim noticed a plaque on the case and read it. The pig in the case was Sanspoof, one of the fastest pigs. It had died in the second week of the racing season when the Olivia 1 blimp crashed into the stadium during its maiden flight, killing many pigs and quite a few tourists. Many bereaved fans later testified that in that fateful race, Sanspoof was in the lead. Zim couldn't help smirking. He hadn't been there when the accident occurred, but he knew what had happened. The Olivia 1 was a blimp Max had built to impress Olivia and try to make her marry him. The fact that it had crashed and killed her favorite pig kind of seemed to be an omen for their true relationship, how Olivia was wrong for Max. Zim was going to leave, but then he noticed an open door on the wall nearby. He went through and wished he hadn't. He found himself in one of the pigpens, a huge shallow pit full of mud. There was a big trough for food, and several cans of slop lying on the ground. A big electric can opener was sitting on top of a can. Slightly dizzy from the stench of the pen, Zim grabbed the can opener and ran out, trying to keep from throwing up. Once he recovered, he closed the door and wondered why he was holding a big can opener. Putting the can opener in his utility pod, Zim went down the stairs and exited the track. He carefully crossed the folding bridge across the dock, finding himself in front of the place where Velasco kept the Doom Wagon hidden. If Zim wanted, he could walk down the length of the pier and go to Toto's tattoo parlor to see about this Naranja guy, but he wasn't ready just yet. He walked down the bridge to the intersection, then went to the shipyard. From there, he went down the path to the lighthouse. He approached the small tower, the great light from its beacon casting creepy shadows whenever it passed over him. The door was locked. Taking out the key he had taken, Zim opened the door and went inside. He climbed up the spiral staircase and got to the circular walkway around the beacon. He walked along the path, looking for any sign of Laura. He found her, but not in the way he had wanted. He spotted Laura a little further up. He ran over.  
  
"Laura!"  
  
She moaned. "Don't come closer Zim, you might not want to see me like this."  
  
He got close and stopped, shocked. "Laura, did Mick do this to you?"  
  
Laura was lying on the ground, flowers slowly blooming from her flesh. Mick had sprouted her, and it was taking its time completing. She looked like she was in unbelievable pain, but was strong enough not to scream. "Yeah Zim, he wanted that picture real bad. Bad enough to do this…"  
  
"I'll get him for this Laura! Just tell me where the photo is and I'll fix him!"  
  
Not seeming to hear him, she started talking again. "I guess it's my fault, always falling for the wrong guys. I even had a thing for you once, but you seemed so hung up over that Rana chick that I didn't think I had a chance." She looked at Zim. "Tell me Zim, would I have had a chance?" Zim hesitated, not sure what to tell her. He couldn't lie to a dying woman, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings. "Never mind. Mick'll never get the photo now, but I left you some clues that will help you find it. Promise me you'll get the photo and use it to do something good, Zim. And promise me you'll tell Olivia that if she keeps using men like she does, one day she'll end up like me."  
  
"I promise, Laura."  
  
"Thank you, Zim. The first clue is…in my pocket. Please…take it…" She slumped over as the flowers sprouted from her head, showing it was over. Her body stopped moving, going limp.  
  
"Oh, Laura…" said Zim sadly. He walked over and searched her pockets, trying not to touch the flowers or her bare skin. He found a plastic tile with a picture of a tongue, the number 22, and the word "Lengua" on it. "A plastic tile? What does that mean?" His mind suddenly rewound, recalling Lope saying something hours ago about using old plastic tiles from the automat for her coat filing system. This must be one of them! Leaving Laura's corpse, he raced back to the Café Irkana.  
  
He handed the tile to Lope. "Here you go."  
  
She immediately recognized the tile. "Oh! It's a tile from my filing system! YOU DO CARE!" Clapping her hands eagerly, she dove under the counter and started sorting through the coats. A moment later, she found something. "Ah ha! Oh darn!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"JUST SHOOT ME!"  
  
"Lope, what is it?"  
  
Lope popped back up, holding Laura's jacket. "This can't be yours."  
  
"That's it, thanks." He said, taking the jacket.  
  
"Zim, what are you doing with a little girlie jacket?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
"Uh…hey, did there happen to be a camera with this?"  
  
"No…"  
  
"Hmm, she must have hidden that elsewhere."  
  
"Wha?"  
  
"I-I'll tell you tomorrow." He searched the jacket's pockets, looking for a photograph. Instead, he found a piece of paper that said "No. 36, Rusty Anchor." What did that mean? Zim handed the jacket to Lope. "Here you go."  
  
Lope, who had already forgotten the events of the last few minutes, took the jacket. "Okay, let me just get you a tile…"  
  
"No need, you already gave me one."  
  
"I did?" asked Lope, confused. "What number was on it?"  
  
"I don't remember, I lost it."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Are you trying to drive me crazy?"  
  
"Yes." Zim was about to leave, when he got a feeling he should talk to Gir. Perhaps he knew about this Rusty Anchor. He went down to the restaurant and walked over to Gir. He showed him the slip of paper. "Hey Gir, do you know what this means?"  
  
Gir thought a moment. (Yes folks, he's actually thinking!) "You mean aside from the statue, and the song, and the bar, and the pig, and the taco of the same name?"  
  
"Uh, yes."  
  
"I hear it's a popular tattoo. Why?"  
  
"No reason. Thanks Gir." He was surprised once again by Gir's usefulness. Gir had actually given him a clue to the photo! Next stop, the tattoo parlor. Just as he was about to leave, he got another hint from his intuition. He handed Gir the VIP pass to the High Roller's Lounge. "Check out this VIP pass to the High Roller's Lounge! Can you believe how full of themselves they are over there?" He walked over to the fully stocked bar of his restaurant. "I mean, it can't really get more VIP than this, can it?"  
  
Zim had not noticed that when he had handed Gir the pass, the little android's eye cams had widened and he was trembling as he held the card. "I- I wouldn't know. I t-try to stay away from that p-place."  
  
"Really? Why? I thought you loved pigs."  
  
"Because of my…my…my problem." With that, Gir immediately jumped off the piano stool, ran up the stairs, and out the front door.  
  
Zim turned around. "Gir? Gir, where are you?" The robot was gone. Zim shrugged and walked over to the piano. I can't believe I've been keeping him from putting headers and taco decals on this thing for so long. He thought. Even though he knew he should get going, he wanted to try out a little tune on the piano. He started playing the song Gir had written. "Oooooh, Oooooooooh, Ooooo-oooooo-ooooooooohhhhhhhhh, Raaaaaaaaaaanaaaaaaaaaaaaa…"  
  
Upstairs, Lope applauded. "Whoo! Encore! Encore!"  
  
Zim was surprised. Why had he done that? He wasn't in love with Rana, right? Right? A little shaken, he left the Café. After a long walk, he arrived at Toto's Scrimshaw Parlor, an old rusty building at the end of a strip of land just down the stairs from the dock the Big had been in. He climbed up the ladder and opened the hatchway that lead inside, climbing down the ladder into the interior. The inside of Toto's home was a bit hot and sparsely decorated. The main room was really more of a small corridor with a counter that had some stuff on it. There were three binders of tattoo designs, labeled "Nautical," Nice," and "Anchormania," not to mention a strong bottle of liquor. An old phone hung on the wall. There was an empty cupboard on the wall as well. At the back of the room was a cot, a door to the bathroom, and a refrigerator. Sitting in a barber-style chair was a burly-looking sailor human, probably the Naranja guy Zim was looking for. Trying to draw an anchor tattoo on the guy's arm was Toto, a black dog. (Get it? Toto? Black dog?) "Hey, Toto. Do you mind if I ask you-"  
  
"Not now, Zim. I'm working on Naranja here. We can talk when I'm done with him."  
  
"When will that be?"  
  
"Well, I'd be done a lot faster if Naranja here didn't insist on taking a drink of alcohol every twenty seconds."  
  
"Hey, it's not my fault it's so hot in here." Whined Naranja.  
  
"I need to keep the air conditioner off so I can draw the tattoo on. One little generator powers this whole place, okay? You want me to just turn off the machine and you can leave?"  
  
"No, no, I can take it. I just want my tattoo." Insisted Naranja, taking another drink from the bottle.  
  
Zim knew he had to knock Naranja out somehow. It was a good thing he had taken that shot of hookah water from the Blue Pod. All he needed to do was sneak it into the bottle while they weren't looking. Zim walked over to the bottle. The robotic syringe extended from his pod. Right after Naranja had taken another drink, Zim placed the syringe over the bottleneck and was about to inject the hookah water when he was noticed. "Hey, what are you doing over there?" asked Toto.  
  
"Uh, nothing." Said Zim.  
  
"Well, get away from my bottle! I need it!" complained Naranja.  
  
"All right, all right." Said Zim. He decided he needed a distraction. He got one. He pointed to a random spot. "Oh my goodness gracious what's that thing over there?"  
  
"Where?" they both asked, looking at the spot where he was pointing. While they were distracted, Zim quickly injected the hookah water into the bottle. The two guys turned back. "Hey, I didn't see anything." Said Toto.  
  
"And I told you to stay away from my bottle!" said Naranja, grabbing the bottle and taking another drink.  
  
As Toto started drawing again, the chemical Zim had placed in the bottle took effect, knocking Naranja out cold. "Hey! What are you doing? Dead! Ach! Can't handle a little alcohol, huh?" Picking up Naranja, Toto carried him over to his cot and dropped him there. "If you think you're not paying me for this, you're crazy." He walked over to the telephone and dialed up a number. "Hello? Velasco? Yeah, Toto here. I got one of your boys down here. MIA he is. Don't worry, he'll be at the docks before dawn for sure. How's the wife?"  
  
While Toto started chatting with Velasco, Zim knew he had only partially completed a requirement. He needed to make sure Velasco thought Naranja wouldn't show up, and he already had an inkling of how to do that. Walking over to Naranja, who was now snoring quite loudly, Zim searched the sailor's pockets, finding his dog tags. They read "Seaman Andrew Naranja, Ensign Third class, the Macarena." Zim put them in his pod and walked over to Toto. "Excuse me, Toto…"  
  
"Hold on," Toto said to Velasco, "I'll get back to you." He hung up the phone. "Yeah, what is it Zim?"  
  
Zim held up the piece of paper he had found in Laura's jacket. "Do you know anything about this?"  
  
Toto walked over and took the slip of paper. "You mean aside from the bar, and the song, and the statue, and the pig, and the taco, and the anchor of the same name? Sure! It is one of my best tattoos! Hold on." Toto picked up the Anchormania binder and flipped through it. "Let's see…thirty…ah, thirty- three, thirty-four, thirty-five…here we are, number thirty-six! Eh, what's this?" Toto pulled out a photograph from his binder. "What's this thing doing here?"  
  
Zim's squeegly-spootch raced. "That's mine. My friend Laura left it for me."  
  
Toto handed the photo down to Zim. "Oh, Laura is a friend of yours? She is like a daughter to me. Tell Laura Papa Toto said hi, would you?"  
  
"Y-yeah, I will." As Toto got back on the phone, Zim examined the photo, pleased that he finally had what he needed to get Terry out of prison. His face fell. This wasn't a picture of Mick and Olivia racing. It was a picture of a race at the pig track. How did that help him? Wait! Maybe it was a clue! He examined the picture carefully and realized it wasn't just any photo, it was a photo-finish photo! Laura must have sneaked into the picture archives at the track and switched the photo of Mick and Olivia kissing for this one. It was a good thing that Zim had taken the betting stub printer from Charlie, because now Zim could just print the stub for the race in the photo and get the picture. All he had to do now was figure out what race, week of the season, and day the picture had been taken. He could see the digital boards that told you racing info in the stadium were in the picture, showing the number six, showing which race it was in. Several people in the crowd were wearing little piggy hats, so that meant it must have been a Tuesday. He could also see a blimp in the background, with a digital display saying "Marry me, Olivia" hanging from it. From the plaque on the dead pig's case, Zim knew the blimp's first flight and crash was on the second week of the racing season. This was all the information he needed. Putting the photograph in the pod, he took out the printer and punched in race six, week two, Tuesday into the device, and printed the stub. Putting both into his utility pod, Zim left the parlor and headed back to the track.  
  
Zim walked up to the photo finish booth. "Hello? Is anyone there?"  
  
A fat parrot came into view. "Betting stub, please." She said. Zim handed her the fake betting stub. She took it in her wing and examined it. "Hey, this doesn't look like our regular betting stub."  
  
"Well, that's because it's from last season." He said quickly.  
  
"Okay. Just a second…" The parrot turned from view and started looking through the file cabinets. "Here we are!"  
  
The parrot turned around and handed Zim a photo. Zim turned his back tot he parrot and looked at the photo. It was the right one. "Ah-ha!" he said, taking the photograph from its little plastic envelope and replacing it with the photo finish picture.  
  
"Are you a winner?" asked the parrot.  
  
"Big winner. Thanks." Said Zim, handing her back the envelope. He headed down the corridor to the elevator.  
  
The parrot looked after him. "I think that guy was up to something, don't you Darlene?" asked the parrot. There was no response from the other booth. "Darlene?" The parrot got out of her booth and walked into the betting booth, looking out the window. "Who, that guy? Personally, I think he was nuts!" said the other half of the parrot's split personality.  
  
Zim walked to the elevator and found the fly wasn't there to operate it. He shrugged and went down to the lounge. He was a little surprised to see that all of the other guests had left, possibly because of Gir. Gir was now sitting at a table atop the kitchen, drinking lots of wine and yelling things of encouragement to the pigs very loudly. Forgetting about Mick for the moment, Zim went up the stairs to see Gir. Gir looked quite inebriated. From all the betting stubs in front of Gir, it was obvious he was gambling heavily. "Gir, I had no idea you like gambling so much!" said Zim, shocked.  
  
Gir hiccuped. "The doctors made me promise I wouldn't do it anymore," he admitted in a wobbling voice. "BUT THEY CAN'T GET INTO THE HIGH ROLLER'S LOUNGE NOW CAN THEY!" He hiccuped again, affixing his gaze back to the race display.  
  
"Will you be coming home soon?" asked Zim.  
  
"Shhh! I'm vishualizin'!" he said.  
  
"I said, will you be coming home soon?" asked Zim, a little louder.  
  
"What's that you said, little piggy?" asked Gir, looking confused as he watched the screen. "Don't talk piggy, just run baby!"  
  
"Where are you getting the money for this?"  
  
"I's got credit." Gir said, sober for a second.  
  
"Credit? Where did you get credit?"  
  
"I's half owner of…of…that place…we live at. I putted my half up for…colaatterrall. Long as we's in business…I's in business!" Turning his head, he yelled down at the blue frog. "Ruben! More wine!"  
  
"My name, Monsieur, is Raoul!"  
  
"Whatever, just gets me some more wine! Hic!"  
  
Disgusted, Zim decided to deal with this later. He walked down the stairs and headed over to Mick's table, where he was still doing tax work. Zim took out the photo of him and Olivia kissing and showed it to Mick. "Hey buddy, look what I've got! A picture of Sleazy Shyster and Hip Chick neck and neck!"  
  
The color in Mick's fur paled. "All right, what do you want in exchange for the photo?"  
  
Zim smiled, knowing he had Mick right where he wanted him. "Let me tell you the story of a young toon, unjustly imprisoned merely for speaking his mind…"  
  
A little later, outside the police station…Terry stretched his wings, relieved to be free from the prison cell. "Ah, thanks Zim. I knew you'd pull through. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a strike to organize." Saluting Zim, Terry flew off, back to the docks.  
  
Mick looked down at Zim. "All right, I got your friend out, now give me the photo."  
  
Zim pulled the photo from his pod and was about to hand it over when he pulled it back from the feline's claws. "Ah-ah-ah, Mick. I have a couple more things to tack on to our agreement."  
  
Mick's fur rose. "That wasn't part of the deal!"  
  
"Do you want me to show this to Maximino?"  
  
"All right, what is it?"  
  
"First of all, I want you to stop your little tawdry affair with Olivia. Tell her if she keeps manipulating rich, powerful men, she'll end up sprouted. Second, I want you to keep Terry from getting busted by Bogen again. It's time for some changes down in the docks, and the guy making them will need protection. Deal?"  
  
"Deal." Growled Mick.  
  
"Here you go." He handed Mick the photo.  
  
He grabbed it, folded it up, and put it away. "I guess this concludes our business." He said, starting to turn away.  
  
"Not quite." Said Zim.  
  
Elevating on his spider legs, Zim gave Mick a mighty punch on the chin, knocking him to the ground. Mick groaned and got up. "Was that for the photo girl?"  
  
"No, that was just for being you. I don't have time to get you for Laura, but I know someday somebody will."  
  
Mick turned and started to walk away. But before he was gone, he called back, "You weren't able to save her, Zim. But after all, I hear that saving women really isn't your forte." Laughing, he was gone.  
  
Grimacing, Zim shook that off. Now that the Seabees were on strike, Gir would be able to pick up the tools later. Now he had to finish what he had started with Naranja. He headed down the stairs from the police station to the morgue. Opening the big iron doors, Zim entered the morgue, a round stone room with row upon row of holes in the wall where corpses were kept. Membrillo, the tall Irken coroner, was in the middle of the room, running over two sprouted cartoons with a metal detector. "Late night at the morgue, Membrillo?" asked Zim.  
  
The Irken looked up, his purple eyes a bit sad. "Yeah Zim. Another late night. But I've got to get these John Does identified before the next two come in. I wouldn't want to get behind."  
  
Zim walked over to Membrillo. "Any clues on who these guys are?"  
  
"No. That's the problem with some sproutings, sometimes the corpse is so covered with flowers it's impossible to even find out what kind of toon it is. I would cut off the flowers, but that could be considered sacrilegious. Besides, they keep growing back." He kept looking over one guy with his metal detector. "At least this metal detector you gave me for my birthday helps out a lot more than the old fork I used to have." Nodding, Zim pulled the dog tags from his pod and threw them into the corpse Membrillo was studying while he wasn't looking. The metal detector immediately picked it up. "Hey, what's this?" he said, pulling out the dog tags. "'Seaman Andrew Naranja, Ensign Third class, the Macarena'?"  
  
"Hey, looks like you found something!"  
  
Membrillo sighed. "Yes, I did. That's the ironic part about this job. I'm happy when I find out who the dead guy is so I can put him or her away, but then I have to make a phone call and break somebody's heart. And it's only getting worse."  
  
"How do you mean?" asked Zim, curious.  
  
"The criminal forces that have taken over Nick City have finally notice dour quaint port town and are reaching out their claws to ensnare us. There have been more sproutings everyday, and guess who has to clean up the mess?" A communicator popped out of Membrillo's utility pod, unfolding in front of his face. It flickered to life, showing Velasco. "Hello, Velasco?'  
  
"Yeah, what is it Membrillo?"  
  
"I've got one of your boys down here in the morgue, one Andrew Naranja."  
  
"What? How?"  
  
"He was sprouted."  
  
"But…but…ah, this town's going to hell! Yeah, I'll pick him up later, give him a good seaman's burial. Thanks Membrillo."  
  
Membrillo hung up, the communicator retracting. The tall coroner turned back to his visitor. "Well, another corpse identified, another sad call made. All in the day's work of a coroner, eh?" He rolled the corpse that was supposed to be Naranja into one of the open holes, closing it. "Now to find out who the other guy is. Care to help?"  
  
"No thanks. I'm leaving town. I've got to get finished packing."  
  
"You're leaving Speedo Bottom? Good. It's an excellent idea to get out of here while you can, before this town goes down for good. Anyway, nobody needs a vacation more than you do! Well, except maybe me, but it's good you're getting out of here, take a break, forget all about that Rana woman."  
  
"Yeah…thanks Membrillo." Zim left. Outside, he shuddered. "I am never going near a morgue ever again."  
  
Zim stepped out of the elevator, in the High Roller's Lounge once again. He knew that the entrance to the wine cellar would have to be in the kitchen, so he went into the small structure. It was very well stocked, with lots of canned food that appeared to be meat of some kind, probably the remains of old pigs. There was a pantry on the side of the wall and a stepladder that went to the top of a giant keg of wine. As Zim entered, he saw a big green monster roll an empty keg of wine from where the other keg was, going down a hall past the pantry to the freight elevator to the wine cellar. Zim wasn't sure what to do. From Gir's demeanor, it was obvious he was drinking a lot of wine. Zim went over to the freight elevator and pushed the button, waiting for it to come back up. After a few minutes, it did come back up, and the monster stepped out of the elevator, sitting in a bench on the wall before noticing Zim. "Huh? Hey, you're not supposed to be here."  
  
The monster looked a little stupid, so Zim thought he could trick him. "Hey, what's that over there?"  
  
"I'm not as dumb as I look, you know. Now what do you want?"  
  
"Do you mind if I pass through?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I want to use the elevator."  
  
"Doubt it."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because nobody goes down there that ain't me or a keg of wine."  
  
"Well, could you take me down?"  
  
"Oh yeah, I could take you down. But I'm not allowed to hit customers anymore."  
  
"Why aren't you allowed to hit customers anymore?" asked Zim, a little confused.  
  
"Exactly! It makes no sense!"  
  
"Look, mister…"  
  
"Aitor."  
  
"Aitor, I want to go down in the elevator."  
  
"Good idea, nobody would see us fighting in there."  
  
Zim growled. "Just open the doors, okay?"  
  
"But then they'd really see us fighting!"  
  
Zim decided to try a different tactic. "How about a bribe?"  
  
Aitor laughed. "What could you possibly give to a man who has everything?"  
  
"Good point. Hey, do you have to keep switching wine casks?"  
  
"Yeah, that's my job."  
  
"Has Gir been drinking a lot?"  
  
"Yes, I've already had to replace six kegs."  
  
"Do you want me to get him out of here?"  
  
"No, it's okay, he's just got to pace himself. But I haven't been getting much sleep, what with all the kegs I've had to switch." He yawned. "I'm going to sleep. And don't try to sneak into the elevator or anything, cause I'll hear you." He instantly went to sleep and started snoring.  
  
Zim had to think up a way to get to the cellar. If he could drain the keg and hide in it, Aitor would take him down to the cellar. But how to drain it? As he walked back into the main part of the kitchen, the waiter walked in. "Oh that monster upstairs is running me ragged…Pardonnez moi, Monsieur, but you are not supposed to be in here."  
  
"I'll leave in a minute, LeRois."  
  
"My name is Raoul." Grumbled the waiter. He walked into the pantry. Zim got a sudden brainstorm. The waiter was the one supplying Gir with wine. If something happened to the waiter, Gir might come down and empty the keg himself, allowing Zim to open it up and hide inside. He ran over to the pantry and closed the doors. He then pulled off his utility pod and stuck it sideways over the door, the magnetic clamps on the pod's underside holding it in place, effectively locking the door. Zim left the kitchen to watch the ensuing madness.  
  
Raoul tried to get out of the pantry, only to find it locked. "Allo? Allo? Is anyone out there? The door, eh he, seems to be locked. I am actually VERY claustrophobic, so could anyone please, please open this door? Si vouz plais? SI VOUZ PLAIS!" HE frantically started beating on the doors. "Open these doors immediate-ment!"  
  
Gir took another sip from his large glass of wine, emptying it. He waited for the waiter to come back with more drink. He didn't show up. Curious, Gir went down to the kitchen, looking for the waiter. Ignoring the screams and begging from the pantry, Gir noticed the big keg of wine and opened the tap, drinking the contents inside. Amazingly, he actually emptied the entire keg, then left. "Hmm. Hic! Fruity, but voluminous."  
  
Zim walked back into the kitchen. He rapped his knuckles on the keg, finding it empty. He went over to his pod and opened it up, pulling out the can opener while leaving the lock in place. He climbed up the stepladder and used the big can opener on the top of the keg, causing it to drop down and leave Zim a place to crawl into. He jumped inside the keg and waited.  
  
Soon, Gir got thirsty again. "Where's that big blue blue big thing? I'm thirsty!" He walked back into the kitchen and opened the tap, finding it empty. "Hey, this thing's empty! I don't want it to be empty, I want it to be full! Be full! Be full! Hey, where's Rupert?" Gir then finally heard the screams from the pantry. "Oh! A talking pantry!" He ran over to the pantry. "Hi pantry!" The screams kept going. "Hmm. What's this? Master's pod? What's it doing here?" Gir pulled off the utility pod and threw it in the air, causing it to fall into the open keg and hit Zim on the head. The pantry doors fell open and Raoul staggered out, panting. "Ah ha! Taking a little nap ay vouz, eh?" asked Gir.  
  
"Merci, sir…I was…I was…"  
  
"I'm a customer and I demand wine because the customer is always right and I'm the customer so that means I'm right. And I say le keg is le empty, so toot sweet buster. And get me more wine!" Gir left.  
  
Raoul stood up, shaking. "That was the most horrible experience in my life! Aitor, more wine! Oh, for ignoring my pleas for help I will make sure he is fired! And then I believe I shall quit! No man should ever be trapped in such a small, dark place…"  
  
Aitor carried the keg down to the wine cellar, threw it into the discard pile, and got a new one, taking it back upstairs. After he was sure Aitor was gone, a bruised Zim crawled out of his keg. Just as he was about to start looking around, he remembered his pod. He whistled. The pod flew out of the keg and flipped over so the magnetic rings on its underside were aligned with the rings on Zim's back. The two connected, the pod sending its cybernetic cables into Zim's body and connecting with his mind. Zim saw lots and lots of wine kegs. The safe had to be around here somewhere. He saw a door on the far wall, so went to check it out. It led down a long dark hallway, ending in a room with several shelves on the walls. The only thing in the room was a small suitcase, evidently Charlie's. Zim noticed that it had the initials EB on the handle. Curious as to what was inside, Zim opened the suitcase and was met by a bright golden glow. His eyes bulged. What he found was not money. It was something far more valuable. They were Mega Rail tickets, a hundred of them. "Good lord, these could get a hundred cartoons on the Mega Rail!" Zim looked closer at the tickets. "Something's odd here…I get the feeling this suitcase belongs to somebody a lot more important than Chowchilla Charlie."  
  
Zim exited the elevator from the High Roller's Lounge, carrying the suitcase. He was surprised to find Charlie was waiting for him in the hallway, holding a Sproutella gun. "Hand over the suitcase, Zim."  
  
Our favorite Irken was surprised. "Charles, I thought we had a deal."  
  
"Oh we do, we do. I just thought I'd need a little muscle to back me up."  
  
"What's wrong Chuck? Can't afford to hire goons to do this stuff for you?"  
  
"Hey, I'm all the goon I need! Now give me the suitcase!"  
  
Zim shrugged and put it on the ground. Charlie started reaching for it. "What about my card?"  
  
"Oh right, my end of the deal." Reaching into his suit with one for his flippers, Charlie pulled out a blue card and handed it to Zim. He picked up the suitcase and started backing away. "There you go, Zim. You're a union man now. Meetings are first Wednesday of every month, and don't forget to pay your dues." He ran away.  
  
"Don't forget to pay my dues." Zim said, chuckling.  
  
Later, at the dock…"And so poor Naranja was sprouted on his way back here." Said Velasco sadly.  
  
"No!" said Zim, feigning shock.  
  
"Yes. Looks like you've got the job after all, Zim."  
  
"No, Velasco, I can't take it like this."  
  
The pufferfish scowled. "You'll take the job because I don't have time to find anyone else for the job! Now about the tools, where are they?"  
  
"Down at the shipyard. They're too heavy for me to carry, I'll just send Gir to get them later."  
  
"Now, as for the Union card…" Zim handed it to Velasco, who examined it with his good eye. "Ah, one of Charlie's rush jobs, eh? Well as I said before, the captain's farsighted. Now all you need is Gir. Where is he?"  
  
"He's throwing a goodbye party."  
  
"Well go get him, the Macarena can't leave without him." Zim left, his heart heavy because he knew there was only one way he was going to be able to get Gir out of that lounge.  
  
A little later… Zim sat in his desk at the Café Irkana, wanting to enjoy it one last time. Since Gir was in business as long as the Café Irkana was in business, that meant the only way to get Gir out of there was to have the joint raided and shut down. But that would mean losing the Café Irkana forever. Zim knew he had to do this, he had to go after Rana. He sighed and activated the casino display. Squidjoe's voice came up on a speaker, calling out numbers and winners. Zim waited until the display showed the table Bogen always gambled at. He closed his eyes and turned off the magnet.  
  
Down in the casino, the roulette wheel finally stopped spinning, the little metal ball stopping on 14. "Fourteen! Fourteen is the winner!" He blinked, surprised that the boss had decided to let Bogen lose. "Oh my…fourteen is the winner!"  
  
The crime hound didn't look too happy. "I believe you mean two is the winner."  
  
Squidjoe shook his head. "No sir, the winner is fourteen."  
  
Bogen leaned close to Squidjoe. "Am I correct in saying that the winner is two, NOT fourteen?" asked Bogen, a threat hinted in his voice.  
  
Squidjoe shrugged apologetically. "I am sorry sir, but fourteen is indeed the winner. Better luck next time."  
  
Bogen lost it. "That does it! Zim's gotten too big for his britches! I don't like raiding businesses and shutting them down, but he leaves me no choice! The Café Irkana is officially closed!" he said angrily. The gamblers complained but were all forced out. Bogen and his men ransacked the entire place but could not find Zim, who had already made his getaway in the emergency fire escape tunnel he had installed. Bogen then made a little call to his "superior", Maximino…  
  
Maximino listened on the phone, surprised by what Bogen was telling him. "What! Closed down? How long is it going to be closed for?" There was a pause. "I see. Yeah, throw the little metal bum out on his ass! And bring Zim to me so we can have a little talk about his debt."  
  
Gir picked himself up from where he had been rudely tossed down the stairs to the dock at the bottom and ran to the bottom of the stairs. "Come on fellas, you've gotta let me back in! I'm a VIP!"  
  
"What does that stand for? Very Inebriated Pianist?" asked Zim from behind Gir.  
  
Gir ran over to him and grabbed his midsection. "Master, I don't want to be a pianist anymore. I'm a mechanic!"  
  
"I know. That's why I got you this new job. Come on, let's go pick up your tools."  
  
After picking up Gir's new tools and saying some last good-byes to the Doom wagon, who would be forced to stay behind, Gir and Zim started boarding the Macarena. "So I can do whatever I want with the engine? Make it faster?" Gir asked Velasco.  
  
The pufferfish nodded. "Yeah, but you'll be having a big enough job keeping her afloat."  
  
"Thanks for getting us the job." Said Zim.  
  
Velasco shrugged. "Eh, it's the least I could do. After what happened to Naranja, I can see why you'd want to skip town. Though I am a little surprised that you're eager to go on a boat. I thought you Irkens were terrified of water."  
  
"We are. But I can generate a waterproof force field to keep the water from burning my skin and create an air bubble to provide me with unlimited oxygen."  
  
"Ah. Well, you two have fun, okay?"  
  
As the sun started to rise, the ship set sail, leaving the quaint port town behind. As Zim started mopping the decks, his thoughts once again turned to Rana. After a bit of pondering he decided that he would wait and see how she felt about him if-that is, when he next saw her. She probably had a good reason for blasting him off the gangplank, right? And when they met…well, he would see, wouldn't he?  
  
FOUR MONTHS LATER  
  
The ship that pulled into a dock in Zapato was not the same rustbucket that had left Speedo Bottom months ago. It was almost completely free of rust, repainted with flames and tacos, with lots of cool-looking chrome pipes sticking out everywhere. Even its name had been changed, to the Laura. As the ship stopped engines and lowered the port and starboard anchors, the crew assembled on the main deck in front of the bride to be addressed by the captain. As they waited, the captain, wearing a blue hat and jacket, came out of the bridge and looked down upon them. This was a little funny, since the only way the captain could look down on any of the crew was if he was in a higher place than they were. The captain looked down and said, "Ah, we've made it to Zapato at last. Nice work sailors! Let's get this vessel into port nice and easy. Secure those ropes, like a rock this time!"  
  
As the crewmen rushed about to do this, an ensign came out of the bridge and looked down, saluting the captain. "Captain Zim, sir, we've got some customs officials asking to inspect the ship."  
  
Captain Zim (Yes, Zim!) looked up. "Sure, let them on. We've got nothing to hide."  
  
"Yes sir!" The ensign ran back into the ship.  
  
Zim watched as the crew finished their jobs and ran to their cabins to prepare for their shore leave. Zim would be joining them soon enough, but he doubted he would be returning to the ship when it was time to leave. It was surprising how he had become captain. There had been no card game this time, just luck. When the ship had a run-in with a dangerous sea monster, Zim had single-handedly saved the ship. The captain had suffered fatal injuries, and named Zim as his successor. Zim had renamed the ship and allowed Gir to make it more presentable, which they had succeeded at. As he was about to go back into the bridge to go to his cabin, a homing pigeon wearing a beret and carrying a letter landed on a railing. Zim quickly rushed over, knowing it was a message from Patrick. He took the letter from the bird, which flew off. Zim started reading. It said, "Zim, I hope this message reaches you quickly. Our agent in Zapato says that Rana never arrived in port and disappeared somewhere near the Pearl. I don't know whether you believe that or not, but I provided you with a map to the Pearl on the back of this letter in case you decide to go looking for her. One more thing: Bog has become aware of your intended destination and has prepared a welcoming committee for you in Zapato. The assassins will be disguised as customs agents, who will come aboard the ship under that guise and try to kill you. So whatever you do, do not dock in Zapato. Signed, Patrick Star. P.S. Viva la Revolucion!" Zim looked up from the letter. "Oh no…"  
  
Uh oh! Looks like the pigeon didn't get there in time. Will Zim be able to survive the assassins? What is the Pearl Patrick was talking about? Find out next time. 


	6. Part Three: The Tragedy of the S.S. Laur...

Wow, I'm really on a roll with these things, aren't I? I'll just let you read in peace.  
  
1 PART THREE  
  
Having a very bad feeling, Zim folded up the map/letter and put it away in his pod. He ran over to one of the ventilator tubes sticking out of the ship and called into it, trying to contact his men. "Hello crew! All men report on deck. We have a code red situation. This is not a drill. Be on the lookout for assassins disguised as customs officials! Hello? Can anybody hear me? Hmm. They know I don't like it when they ignore me. Something's wrong." He walked back up to the bridge and went inside. What he found was not what he had hoped for. "Oh no…" The entire bridge crew had been sprouted. He saw the ensign who had informed him of the customs officials lying near the ladder to the deck below, now reduced to a pile of begonias. "Ensign Arnold was just a kid. I'm sorry I led you into trouble, sailor." Walking past the dead toon, Zim climbed down the ladder to the deck below.  
  
His heart dropped as he saw even more sprouted crewmen. As he walked towards the corpse of Deck Officer Glenn, he did not notice the shadows down the corridor. He suddenly heard voices down the corridor, the shadows manifesting into men with guns. "Hey! He's over here!" yelled one.  
  
"Let's sprout him!" yelled another. A third merely cocked his gun. As all three armed men started down the corridor, Zim was at a loss. He had no time to run and nowhere to run to. Suddenly, as door behind him opened and somebody grabbed him and pulled him inside, slamming and locking shut the door. The rescuer was, of course, Gir, who had pulled Zim into the engine room. Befitting his new job as a sailor, Gir had a cute little sailor outfit painted on his body. It went well with his eyes. One of the assassins knocked on the door. "Customs officials, open up!"  
  
"Yeah, we, uh, wanna check your bags!"  
  
"Don't worry Master, they can't get in here!" said Gir confidently.  
  
Another assassin spoke up. "Let's just set the explosives and get out of here."  
  
Zim blinked. Explosives? "Yay, we're doomed!" cheered Gir.  
  
"Gir, if the bombs go off the engine will be destroyed too."  
  
Gir stopped cheering. He had put a lot of work into the engine. "Oh…" He started looking very anxious.  
  
"Okay Gir, just calm down. It's kind of hard to panic when you're wearing that cute little sailor outfit."  
  
"NO IT'S NOT!" Gir wailed.  
  
"Okay, okay, just don't panic. Gir, do something!"  
  
"Okay. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Something productive."  
  
"Oh. Uh…" Gir sat down on the floor. That meant it was up to Zim to do something. He surveyed the engine room. If they opened the door, the bomb would probably go off. The portholes were small enough for them to slip through, but Zim didn't want to take his chances with the water, even if he was using a waterproof force field. Zim took a look at the engine. Gir had really done a number on the old diesel. It was incredibly powerful. In fact, with both anchors down and securing the ship, it was possible that if they put the engines in full reverse they could tear the ship in half and sail until they ran out of fuel. Zim suggested this possibility to Gir. The robot shook his head. "Nuh-uh. It won't work. I tried, oh I tried, but it's just not powerful enough."  
  
"Is there any way you can make it powerful enough?"  
  
"Not without blowing the thing up. Master, I was able to make the Doom Wagon super fast because I just had to improve on an antimatter reactor. What we have here is a modified diesel. It'll never work, and I just don't have the tools or time to make it work."  
  
"Well, is there anyway we could tear the ship in half with our current engine?"  
  
Gir pondered that. "I still don't think so. Not unless the hull itself was weakened."  
  
Zim paced around the room, thinking. They had four controls in here, the starboard and port engine controls, the port anchor control, and the starboard anchor control. Zim's intuition kicked in, helping him to formulate a plan using nothing but the engines and the anchors to save them. Well, there would be a little help from his pod, but…He walked over to the engine controls and used the starboard engine to turn the ship left. This tightened the starboard anchor chain and slackened the port anchor chain. Zim then raised the starboard anchor and lowered it again, dropping it right on the port anchor, causing the two to interlock. He crossed the engine room and raised the port anchor, causing the two anchors to form a loop, the interlocking part of which was right outside the portside porthole. Extending his spider legs to look through the porthole, Zim reached out with one of his legs, grabbing around the anchors. He pulled them towards himself, causing the hook part of the starboard anchor to come through the porthole, grabbing onto the wall. He crossed the room once more and raised the starboard anchor. "Gir, cover your ears!"  
  
"Why?" A horrendous ear-splitting noise occurred as the anchor loop was dragged through the hull of the ship, causing a huge gash that cut through the bottom half of the ship. "What was that?"  
  
"The dotted line, buddy. Now come on, we'd better secure ourselves."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because we're busting out of here!"  
  
Gir and Zim both grabbed onto a part of the engine. Zim extended two of his spider legs and pulled the starboard and port engine controls down at the same time, putting them in reverse. Thanks to the gash he had made, the ship was ripped in half, causing their half to scoot across the ocean while the other half sunk along with the assassins and the explosives. Using the engine controls, Zim and Gir followed Patrick's map as best they could until they ran out of gas. As the ship started to sink, Zim quickly activated his force field, covering his body in a millimeter thick shimmer and his air bubble, encasing his head in a, well, a bubble. Gir needed nothing, since he's just a robot. As the ship sank, they held on tightly to the railing on the back, not wanting to get lost. And no, the changing water pressure was not a problem. Since water or air pressure is almost never a problem in cartoons, it did not factor into the laws of physics governing Nickworld. After a long drop, the ship finally hit bottom. A single electric lantern was still working on the ship, shining its light onto a patch of ground on the very bottom of the ocean. Reluctantly, Gir and Zim let go of the rail and swam down to the pool of light. Once they had touched bottom, Gir started dancing around, clutching his throat. "Hggk! Nnggh! Master! Can't…breathe!"  
  
"Gir, you're a robot. You don't have lungs."  
  
"Oh yeah. Doo de doo de doo de doo…"  
  
Zim looked up at what was left of the Laura sadly. "Laura…looks like I let you down again."  
  
"I told you that name was bad luck."  
  
"Gir!"  
  
"Sorry. Hey Master, aren't Irkens afraid of water because it hurts and even kills them?"  
  
"Yes, what's your point?"  
  
"We're at the bottom of the Sea of Orange, the biggest body of water in the whole of Nickworld. Shouldn't you be worried?"  
  
Zim laughed. "Of course I'm not worried, Gir."  
  
"How come?"  
  
"Just because I am in the middle of an entire ocean of a substance that can almost immediately kill me after causing excruciating pain to every part of my body, protected only by a millimeter-thin force field and bubble of air that could at any moment fail from a number of possible malfunctions and leaving me to die a horrible death doesn't…mean…I should…be…afraid…" He glared at Gir, while shivering at the same time. "Great job, Gir. Now I'm scared silly."  
  
"Yay! I did a good job!"  
  
"I was being sarcastic, Gir."  
  
"Oh. Yay!"  
  
"That's a bad thing."  
  
"Oh. Yay!"  
  
"Forget it. I'll just try to think of something else." He thought about the Pearl, where he could continue the search for Rana. "Okay Gir, according to Patrick's map, we should only be a few miles from the Pearl. And by my calculations, it should be right over…there!" He said, pointing towards a point of blue light off in the distance. "Come on, let's go."  
  
Zim was about to take a step out of the pool of light and into the unfathomable darkness of the sea when Gir stopped him. "Wait, brave captain! Here at the bottom of the Sea of Orange dwell the most fearsome and dangerous monsters of all. The horrendous demons of the deep are waiting to devour you whole the instant you leave this pool of light. Heed my words, or take one step forward and find out for yourself." He said in a creepy voice.  
  
"Okay, okay! I won't take another step! Just stop it with that creepy voice."  
  
"All right. Look! There's one of the monsters now!" said Gir, pointing towards a light that was approaching them. The light grew brighter and brighter until they could see the source of the light! It was horrible, it was terrible, it was…a fish in a diving suit? The fish appeared to be an old grouper, with a metal diving suit and a lantern attached to his head by a flexible cord. He looked like he had red tendrils coming out of the tops of his eyes. "Okay, so it's not a sea monster but it is pretty creepy."  
  
The grouper noticed them and came closer. "Ah no, another shipwreck? Jeez, what is with you people?"  
  
"Uh, hi, we've had a shipwreck. Do you think you could help us out?" asked Zim.  
  
"Help how?"  
  
"Well, what's your name?"  
  
"Chepito. I'm down here walking to the employment office."  
  
"Walking?"  
  
"Yeah, this suit here allows me to walk along the bottom of the ocean."  
  
"You're a fish. Why don't you just swim?"  
  
"Hey, have you ever heard of a cartoon fish swimming across the Sea of Orange?"  
  
"Good point. Why didn't you take a boat?"  
  
"I got tired of one waiting to come into port so I got this suit so I could walk along the sea bottom to get to the other side. I've been down here for about a year now."  
  
"Don't you think you would have reached the other side by now?"  
  
"It's a big ocean, boy, what do you know about it?"  
  
Zim frowned. "Why are you calling me a boy?"  
  
"Well, ain't ya?"  
  
"No, I'm an adult!"  
  
Chepito blinked. "You are? But you're so small…"  
  
"I'm an Irken. Most of us don't grow much and stay small for most of our lives."  
  
"Oh. Weird."  
  
"Well, I am technically an alien. Do you think you could send for help?"  
  
"Sure son, I'll call for help at the next phone booth I see!" He started laughing.  
  
"Right, good point. Aren't you afraid of the sea monsters?"  
  
"Nah, they're all scared of my little light here."  
  
"Aren't you worried it'll burn out?"  
  
"No, I found this really cool coral down here that glows all the time, day or night. The glow never wears out, so I'll stay safe."  
  
"Why are your eyebrows all wiggly?" asked Gir.  
  
"Oh, these aren't my eyebrows. Them's barnacles. I don't move fast enough to shake em', so they tend to pile up. I don't mind though, they're the only company I get. Ain't that right fellas?" The tentacles waved a little.  
  
"Do you think you could take us to the Pearl?" asked Zim.  
  
Chepito started snickering. "Oh no, don't tell me you believe that somewhere in this ocean is a giant pearl that's so big and beautiful and bright that you can see it from the surface of the ocean, and people on passing ships are so attracted to it that they throw themselves off passing ships and are never seen again?"  
  
"Yeah, in fact I think it's right over there." Said Zim, pointing to the point of light.  
  
Chepito turned around to look. He started laughing again. "Ha ha! You poor fool! That's the moon! Don't tell me you came down here to dive for the moon!"  
  
"The moon?" asked Zim, confused.  
  
"Yeah, I've been using it as a navigational aid for months. All you gotta do is keep the moon on your right and you'll stay in a straight line. Oldest trick in the book."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a lot of walking to do."  
  
Zim realized this fish was mistaken and had probably been walking in circles for months because the Pearl was fixed in one spot. He knew they needed light to get to the Pearl, and Chepito was the only source available. While he quickly plotted a way to get Chepito to help them, Zim said, "Watch out for sea monsters."  
  
"Who, these guys? Ah, they don't bother old Chepito, see?" Chepito said, turning towards the darkness and pointing his lantern at a spot away from them. The light immediately revealed several dozen giant and terrifying sea monsters, all of which had huge mouths full of razor sharp teeth and gaudily-colored hides. Chepito pulled the lantern back down. "They don't get anywhere near me with this light. Well, toodles!"  
  
Chepito started to turn away. Zim knew now was his chance. "Gir, attack!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"That glowing light is a taco!"  
  
"TACO!" Gir leapt at Chepito, knocking him over and scrambling to grab hold of the lantern, which he started gnawing on.  
  
"Ahhh! Get him off, get him off!" wailed Chepito.  
  
"I will if you follow where we're going."  
  
"Anything, anything, just call him off!"  
  
"Gir, come!" A little reluctantly, Gir got off Chepito. Zim started walking into Chepito's little pool of light. "Let's move it, we're leaving."  
  
"Where are going?" asked Chepito.  
  
"The moon."  
  
After maybe half an hour of walking, using Chepito to light the way, they climbed up a hill and found themselves safe in a huge pool of light, all generated by a glowing blue sphere perched atop a shaky rock pillar, which was sitting on an overhang of rock. The hill they were standing on sloped down into a bowl beneath the rock overhang, and sitting just outside the shadow cast by the overhang was what appeared to be a submarine! This appeared to be their ticket out of here, though what Zim wondered was why their was a submarine down here. The submarine was long but had a narrow volume. It had a large hatch in the middle that seemed to be made of some strong crystal or stained glass. The front of the submarine had a curving fin jutting out of it with two clear glass spheres protruding from the sides, neither of which looked like they served any purpose. Zim wasn't sure, but he thought he could see something in the shadows beneath the overhang. Chepito had only one thing on his mind, though. "The Pearl! I knew I'd find her someday!"  
  
"I thought you said you didn't believe in the Pearl."  
  
"Shut your yap, boy."  
  
"I told you, I'm not a boy, I'm a-"  
  
"Master, what's going on?" asked Gir.  
  
"Chepito and I are having an argument."  
  
"No, I mean what's going on up there?" asked Gir, pointing to about five figures sinking from the surface, coming near the area beneath the overhang. They appeared to be toons who had jumped ship, trying to get the Pearl. They had diving gear on, so were able to breathe. As they neared the pearl, something suddenly lurched out of the shadows of the overhang. It was a giant octopus! And when I say giant, I mean giant. Lashing out with its tentacles, it grabbed the divers, opened the big hatch on the back of the submarine, and stuffed them inside before returning to the shadows, its eyes and some of its tentacles visible. The octopus was watching them. "What was that?" asked Gir, his voice hushed.  
  
"I have no idea." Said Zim. He frowned at the sea beast. He doubted the octopus' eyesight was that good, so how could it see them? Then Zim looked over at Chepito. Of course! The octopus saw Chepito's light and was merely waiting for him to get within range so it could capture him. Zim knew they would have to use Chepito as bait to hitch a ride on the submarine, because Zim had a feeling that whatever happened to Rana is probably whatever is going to happen to the people the octopus trapped in the submarine. He knew she probably wasn't dead, because she was smart enough to use the force field he had. After all, all Irken pods had it. But he also knew that Dib might have something to do with this, because he was on her ship when she supposedly jumped overboard. At the moment, Zim didn't really care about whom was behind this, he just had a feeling that if he got a ride on the sub, they would find Rana. But first they had to get rid of Chepito. "Chepito, could you go off for a little while? Your light is attracting the octopus."  
  
"Hell no! I don't want you stealing my Pearl."  
  
"Whatever. Come on, let's see if we can find a way down."  
  
They started walking along the edge of the hill, sticking within the pool of light. The octopus kept tracking them. After a bit of a walk, they reached an old, greasy barnacle-covered rock. All of the barnacles were reaching out, trying to grab things with their tendrils. Remembering what Chepito had said about being too slow to escape the barnacles, Zim walked briskly by the rock, moving too quickly for the barnacles latched on. Chepito followed him and the tentacles and the tentacles of his own barnacles intertwined. Chepito protested, trying to break free. "Hey, leggo of me!" While he struggled, Zim and Gir quickly ran away from Chepito. The octopus slithered from its hiding place, reaching out to the mariner with a huge tentacle. "Hey, where are you guys going?" Chepito yelled after Zim and Gir, who were now sliding down the slope and running for the submarine. "Don't leave me here! What the-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Chepito suddenly saw the octopus. The octopus wrapped a tentacle around him and pulled, causing the barnacles above his eyes to be ripped off. The octopus carried the screaming Chepito back to the submarine, where it stuffed him down the hatch, then went inside as well. Its boneless body changing shape to match the contours of the submarine, the octopus pushed its head into the fin at the prow, its eyes bulging into the crystal spheres. Its tentacles grabbed onto a twisted iron bar and started turning it, pedaling the propellers into motion.  
  
Zim and Gir climbed onto the back of the submarine just as it took off, heading for unknown parts. "Where are we heading?" Zim shouted over the whir of the propellers.  
  
"South, I think!" yelled Gir.  
  
"South? But there's nothing down there, is there?"  
  
"I don't know, all I know is that's where we're going."  
  
"Then I guess there is something down there, isn't there?"  
  
Somewhere in the deep south, in the middle of the Sea of Orange (Yes, I know it's an ocean, but Sea of Orange sounds better than Ocean of Orange doesn't it?) is a huge pit, the size of Australia. This pit is so huge and so deep that the ocean water itself goes over the edge of the pit, a giant round waterfall. The edge rises to form a ring plateau from the ocean floor, only a few thousand feet from the surface of the ocean. This is how it is possible for the pit to be a waterfall as well. The pit goes incredibly far into the crust of Nickworld, and it is so deep that nobody knows what is at the bottom. If it weren't for the fact that bottomless pits can't exist, some people would say it is one. Jutting up from the edge of the waterfall is an island, a very bleak, barren, and desolate island, one covered by a sprawling factory. In fact, the island actually juts out a little from the edge, looking over the abyss. The half of the island looking over the abyss is mostly taken up by a great hemispherical track for some huge thing that goes on a track. A big fancy dock was made for the submarine at the central part of this factory, but Zim and Gir weren't going there. They jumped off the submarine at the base of the island, at the part where current wasn't a problem. Right in front of them was a small metal door placed in the rock face of the island. To their left was a path that led to some coral reefs, and to their right was a path that led all around the base of the island to a conveyor belt of some sort, very close to the edge. Opting for neither option, Zim started for the metal doors. As he approached them, they opened automatically, revealing a propeller- powered elevator. As he began to get in it, Gir started over. "Wait for me!"  
  
"No Gir, wait here. I need to see what's inside by myself. You should be fine by yourself, you're a big android."  
  
"But what happens if the octopus comes back?"  
  
"Poke it in the eye and steal his sub."  
  
"Heh, stupid octopus."  
  
Zim walked into the elevator, the door shutting behind him. Lights around the cylinder flashed as water was drained from it, replaced by air. Zim checked the options on the buttons he could press. They were unlabeled, unfortunately. There was a strange slot next to the buttons. He pressed one, and a display with the words, "Keycard required" came up. He tried another one, with the same result. Angrily, he started pushing every button on the panel, not getting anywhere, until he pushed the very top button. The elevator shot up the shaft, going to the top of the factory, so to speak. After a swift passage, the elevator stopped. Zim got out and found himself in a dimly-lit and foreboding place. He was standing on a catwalk overlooking a floor that he could not see. The catwalk went a little straight, then split into two forks. One led right to a door on the wall. Curious, Zim took the left path and tried the door. It was locked. He looked down the right fork and saw it led to a marble floor in a corridor going into the walls. One of the walls of that corridor looked weird, different from all the others. But Zim was a little preoccupied looking at the place in entirety to take a closer look at the wall in that corridor, he was still on the catwalk. He didn't like this place. It looked like some sort of factory, (which it was, and you would know that if you've been reading carefully) but there was something…wrong with where he was. There was something ominous and depressing about the place, as if hundreds of lost cartoons, deprived of their rightful birthright and forced into hellish labor, had moaned their despair to uncaring walls.  
  
Or maybe it was the scrollwork on the railings. Art Deco Aquatic was a bit much. With no other way to go, Zim took the right-hand path, going down the corridor and past the weird wall, finding himself in a small office of some sort, more like a reception room really. There was a desk, a wastebasket, lots of paperwork, and a cabinet full of books. The desk was pretty low, suited for someone of his species. There was a door at the other end of the room. As he approached the door, Zim's senses went nuts. He didn't know how, but he knew who was going to be in the next room. Sucking up his courage, Zim walked through the door. He found himself in a huge, impressive office, quite bare. It had a vaulted ceiling and several windows, including one huge opening in the wall that went from floor to ceiling. A desk sat near the back of the room, with a little lamp on it. It was built for the same kind of person as the other desk, but a little larger. Standing behind the desk, looking out the window was…"Rana?" asked Zim, walking forward.  
  
Rana turned around, surprised. "Zim? What are you doing here?"  
  
He came up to her. "I wanted to see how your trip was going. By the way, thanks for that laser blast you sent me, it really hit the spot."  
  
She looked down. "You were heading for a trap, I was trying to warn you. Dib was using me like bait. I didn't want you ending up a prisoner here like me."  
  
For some reason, Zim didn't feel like this justified everything. "Prisoner? Where's your cell? Or are you just sharing a bunk with the warden?" He was surprised at himself. Why had he said those things? Was he worried that because she was walking around freely, she was…with Dib? He snapped out of it when Rana angrily slapped him.  
  
She walked away from him. "If that's what you think of me…then why did you come here?"  
  
"Because this is where he belongs." Said a familiar voice from the door. Rana and Zim looked towards the door as a bigheaded boy with a trench coat walked through it. Dib. "Here. Working for me." He said, walking past a confused Rana and next to an equally confused Zim. "I knew you'd come around eventually. Right or wrong, Invader Zim is always with the winning team, isn't that right, Zim? That's why you're here now."  
  
Zim was puzzled. What was Dib talking about? "I'm getting off this rock, and I'm taking Rana and anyone else here with me."  
  
Dib grinned. "Hahahahahahahaha! Zim, there's no was off this island. And you can't call for help with that little communicator of yours. I'm afraid you're stuck here in my little executive training program. You see, I need you to take my place here, Zim. I've got to get back to the city where the action is."  
  
They were interrupted as Gir walked in, dripping water all over the metal floor. "Sorry Master, I had to come in. I think I was starting to rust."  
  
"Him I don't need." Said Dib, pressing a button underneath his desk.  
  
A trapdoor opened immediately beneath Gir's feet. "Wha-" Before he could say anything else, the android fell down the trapdoor, which closed behind him.  
  
"I suggest you look out the main window." Said Dib, pointing towards the big slot.  
  
Zim ran over and looked out just in time to see a tiny gray and blue speck fall into the water and get swept over the edge, falling into the abyss. Zim looked at the pit in horror. Furious, he turned to Dib. "I'm going to grind you into powder for that, you bastard!" he snarled.  
  
"Maybe later…but for now, let me just show you to your new office!" said Dib, landing a punch on Zim's jaw that knocked him out cold.  
  
Zim woke up a half-hour later in the room that had been locked earlier. It was a small office, with no real decorations or anything at all. He sat behind an ugly desk. Near the door was a big cage that contained two little birds sitting on benches, chipping away at pieces of green, glowing coral with tiny hammers. As he shifted his jaw, checking to see if it was broken, one of the birds said, "Uh oh Bibi, the mean new boss is up."  
  
Zim shook his head and got out from behind the desk, noticing the cage. He was surprised. What were these children doing in a cage? He walked over to them. "Hello, children."  
  
They looked up from their benches. The boy said, I'll peck you, I swear to God!"  
  
The other one, a girl, said, "Pugsy, please don't peck anyone else, that's why they put us in here in the first place."  
  
"Why do you want to bite me?" asked Zim.  
  
"You're the mean new boss. Mr. Membrane said you were meaner than he was." Said Pugsy.  
  
"Mr. Membrane said you had a bone saw!" added Bibi.  
  
Zim frowned. Obviously his foe had lied to these poor kids. "I'm Zim. What's your name?"  
  
"Zim?" the children asked in unison.  
  
"Mr. Membrane told us about you! You're the one that tricked Rana!" said Pugsy.  
  
"Poor Rana…" said Bibi sadly.  
  
"Hey, I didn't trick anyone." Said Zim, offended.  
  
"Mr. Membrane said he was supposed to take care of Rana, but you stole her case from him." Said Pugsy.  
  
"Is that true?" asked Bibi.  
  
Zim wasn't sure how to answer. Technically, they were right. He had stolen Rana's case from Dib, but…he decided to turn away from that painful chain of thought. "Look, Rana and I are friends. You can ask her."  
  
"She talked about you before." Said Pugsy.  
  
"Whenever she says your name, she looks so sad." Said Bibi.  
  
"I don't know what you did to her, but you're gonna be sorry!" Pugsy growled.  
  
I already am, he thought. "What are you doing in there?"  
  
"Making light bulbs." Said Bibi.  
  
"Look, we're working as fast as we can. If you want any more, do it yourself." Said Pugsy.  
  
"Relax children, I'm here to help."  
  
"We really don't have any more room in this cage." Said Bibi.  
  
"Besides, your hands are too big to make light bulbs." Added Pugsy.  
  
Even though he knew he shouldn't bother, he protested, "My claws are not too big!"  
  
"Then why don't you help?" asked Pugsy.  
  
"Uh…I just don't have any of those tiny, tiny tools."  
  
"Here you can have mine." Said Pugsy, throwing his hammer at Zim's head, hitting it and falling onto the floor. The two birds started snickering.  
  
Zim couldn't help it. He lost his temper. "You two are very bad children. I'm glad you're in that cage." They started laughing. "VERY bad." Not taking him seriously, they kept laughing. He sighed and picked up the little hammer, putting it in his pod. Who knows? It might come in handy. "I meant I'm here to help you get out of that cage."  
  
They stopped laughing. "You can't do that!" said Pugsy fiercely. "We have to stay here and protect Rana!"  
  
"She'd be so sad and alone without us." Said Bibi. "We hear her crying sometimes."  
  
"Well, I'm here to take Rana away from here."  
  
This seemed to be an even worse thing to say. "But you can't do that!" said Pugsy, shocked. "Then who would take care of us?"  
  
"We'd be all alone!" wailed Bibi.  
  
Dropping their tools, they started crying. Zim started worrying. "Please, stop crying. Please. Come on. Just…stop crying, okay? Okay? Urk, why am I so bad with children?" He tried to take their minds off what he had just said. "Uh, nice cage you have there."  
  
They stopped crying, now looking scared. "Mr. Membrane told us he bred demon ravens in here, with Irken heads." Whispered Pugsy, as if worried that the aforementioned ravens would hear him.  
  
"He told us if we ever got away, he would send the ravens after us…" started Bibi.  
  
"…And make nests out of our bones." Finished Pugsy.  
  
Zim was distraught. "Dib actually told you that?" They nodded. "And you think I'M worse than him? Have I even actually done anything bad to you kids?"  
  
"If you're not such a bad guy, prove it." Said Pugsy.  
  
"Okay." Said Zim. Walking over to the side of the cage, he opened the door to it. "Fly! Be free! Go peck Dib's big head!"  
  
"We can't leave, we're scared of the ravens." Said Bibi.  
  
"And we're worried Mr. Membrane will do something bad to Rana if we're not here." Said Pugsy.  
  
"I promise I'll protect you from the ravens. And I'm taking Rana with us. We're all getting out of here."  
  
"We won't come out until you can prove that." Said Pugsy.  
  
Zim shrugged. "Okay. In the meantime, I'll just leave the door open so you can escape if you change your mind. Here, let me prop it up for you." Walking back to the desk, he broke off a leg of his chair and used it to keep the cage door open. "There. I'm going to go find Rana now. You two be brave little soldiers, okay?"  
  
"Okay." They both said.  
  
Zim left the office. As he did, the full weight of what had happened half an hour ago hit him. He stumbled, shocked. Gir was dead. His best friend, his loyal servant, gone forever. He clenched his fist in anger. There was no time for tears later. First he had to find out what was going on here. Then he had to rescue Rana, those poor little birds, and anyone else on this godforsaken island. After he had done that and had his revenge on Dib, then there would be time for tears. Then he would cry. He walked into the office that belonged to Rana. The beautiful Irken was now sitting at her desk glumly, doing paperwork. She looked up as he came in, a look of anger and hurt on her face. "Oh look, it's my Prince Charming! Are you here just to insult me some more, or do you just want some ice for your head?"  
  
Zim saddened. She really didn't like him at the moment, but probably because of what he had said and whatever Dib had told her. "I guess I have some explaining to do."  
  
She snorted. "Don't waste your breath. Dib's already explained everything to me."  
  
He frowned. "I guess you have some explaining to do."  
  
"Wha-me? What did I do?"  
  
"Why did you take me out with that laser blast?"  
  
Her face went from angry to sad. To keep from looking in his eyes, she peered down at the paperwork. "I told you-to stop you from falling into Dib's trap. If you had made it on to that ship then you would have ended up…"  
  
"Here?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why do you work for Dib?"  
  
"I only do what he asks to protect the children."  
  
"Another thing, why are those birds in a cage?"  
  
"With those wings, they're the only things on this island Dib can't control."  
  
"Hey, if they can fly, let's set them free to go get help!"  
  
"They can't fly that far, Zim. But they can fly circles around Dib, and can peck pretty hard." For a moment, she smiled, and the air around her seemed excited. But the moment passed, and she was sad again.  
  
"Why did you run out of my office?"  
  
She paused. "I felt so embarrassed, and you looked so disappointed in me, I couldn't stand it anymore."  
  
"Then what did you do for the four months I was in Speedo Bottom?"  
  
"I was lost."  
  
"What did you-"  
  
"I don't want to talk about what happened during those four months."  
  
"Has Dib hurt you in any way?"  
  
"Not as much as I've hurt him. Man, can that guy take a punch!"  
  
"But really, has he hurt you?"  
  
She hesitated again. "Zim, have you noticed that I'm missing something?"  
  
Confused, Zim looked over her body (not like that, you perverts!) and suddenly noticed what she meant. Her utility pod was gone. "Where's your pod?"  
  
"Didn't you see earlier? Dib has it. He took it after that octopus brought me here. Without the pod, I'm not totally defenseless, but I have no hope of leaving."  
  
"That bastard…"  
  
"That's the worst he's done to me. But there are other things…I don't want to talk about those things."  
  
"He hasn't tried to rape you or anything, has he?"  
  
"Well, he has tried to come on to me a few times…but I always 'convinced' him to leave me alone."  
  
"Convinced him how?"  
  
"How did I respond when you insulted me?"  
  
"Ah. Okay, I'll lay off the questions."  
  
"Good, Now if only we could get you to lay off the cologne."  
  
"Hey, I'm a sailor now. We're required to wear this stuff." He had had enough background chat. "We're leaving. Come with me."  
  
She shook her head in disgust. "Trying to steal me away from Dib again, I see. Zim, don't you ever give up?"  
  
"I'm not trying to steal your commission, I just want to get you out of here."  
  
"Then why don't you ask your boss for a day off?"  
  
"I can't believe you think he's my boss. He's my archenemy!"  
  
"I think he's your boss, you think he's my boyfriend. It doesn't look like we have a good foundation of trust, do we?"  
  
He sighed. "I apologize for implying he was your boyfriend. I do trust you."  
  
"Well, that's good for starters. But if you want me to trust you, you'll have to give me something."  
  
"My pod?"  
  
"No. Give me your gun."  
  
Zim was surprised. His what? "What makes you think I have a gun?"  
  
"Zim, you work for the most heavily-armed organization in the Land of the Nicktoons. Of course they issued you a gun."  
  
"They didn't issue me a gun."  
  
"Why? Are you on probation?"  
  
"No, because I don't work for them! I don't work for the most heavily armed organization anywhere!"  
  
"That's possible, there are those rumors of that revolutionary group that's stockpiling weapons."  
  
"Actually, them I work for."  
  
She sighed. "Look Zim, come back when you're ready to deal straight with me, okay?"  
  
"But-" She ignored him and got back to work.  
  
He frowned. Where was he going to get a gun? No matter, right now he felt he should confront Dib and find out what was going on here. He started walking towards the door to Dib's office. As he was about to step through, Rana called out to him. "Sir, do you have an appointment?"  
  
"I'm going in there to tell Dib my demands."  
  
"I don't think you fully understand the chain of command around here. Pugsy and Bibi work for you, you and I work for Dib, who works for Bog, Emperor of Nick City."  
  
"Well, I think it's time for a little corporate restructuring." He walked through the door, into Dib's office.  
  
Will Zim manage to gain Rana's trust? Will he find out what's going on here? Will they escape from the island? Is poor Gir really dead? Find out next time… 


	7. My Kingdom for a Gun, Fun with Cranes, a...

I know you're all sad about Gir's death, but it was an important plot point! Look, everything will turn out all right in the end, just keep reading, okay?  
  
Zim marched across the room, his fists clenched at his sides. Dib was sitting behind his desk, listening to some tunes on a headset, not noticing his visitor. Zim walked right up to the desk and started pounding on the desk to get Dib's attention. Dib frowned and took off the headset. "Ah, Zim, what do you want?"  
  
"I want answers, Dib. And I want them now."  
  
"Answers to what, Zimmy?"  
  
"Don't call me that. Why did you kill Gir?"  
  
Dib shrugged. "Because I didn't need him."  
  
"That's it? That's your justification for killing my best friend?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Zim's purple blood boiled. "Dib, I want off this island."  
  
"Sorry Zim, but there are only two ways off of this island, and neither one is open to you. There's the submarine, but the octopus will only go so far away from its home here, and besides, it will only obey me. It'll eat anyone else who tries to command it. There's also the private teleporter I use to get to the city for the weekly filming of my show, but that's only accessible by a keycard, which I haven't assigned you yet, and even so the teleporter is programmed to work only for me. Anyone else who uses it will find themselves falling into the abyss outside."  
  
"Speaking of which, what is that abyss? Where did it come from?"  
  
"It represents all the plot holes in the many cartoons Nick produces. As such, there is no apparent bottom. Even if there is, it's probably dark and filled with all sorts of horrendous monsters and such that would frighten even the octopus. For all I know, it could go to Hell."  
  
"Is there any chance that my robot is still alive?"  
  
"No." Dib said smugly, enjoying the fact that Zim was clearly very anguished over this.  
  
"What's going on here? Why does the octopus take all those people? What's the point?"  
  
"That's a very complicated question with a very complicated answer. Do you wish to hear it?" Zim nodded. "All right then. Right after the takeover back in 2002 and Bog selected me as his second-in-command, he found out about this island in the middle of nowhere. The coral reefs around the abyss are quite special, they glow whether it's dark or light out, and the glow never fades. They're perfect for light bulbs. Bog saw this place as both a good side business and as a prison."  
  
"A prison?"  
  
"I'm getting to that. He put me in charge of this place, buying it from the original owners for quite a sum. I spent my time here on the weekends, renovating the place and making it my own. Then I captured the octopus and trained it to operate the submarine and capture people."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why, for workers Zim. How else am I supposed to get miners for the coral here?"  
  
"You could have hired workers!"  
  
"Yeah, but we want to save the budget for things that count, such as the padded chair I'm sitting in right now."  
  
"But where exactly did you plant the octopus?"  
  
"Oh come on Zim, you know the answer to that. After all, you hitched a ride here, didn't you?"  
  
"How did you know that?"  
  
"I have hidden cameras all over this island and on the submarine. I knew you were there when you snuck onto the sub. Like I was saying, the obvious perfect spot to lie in wait for workers was the Pearl. Since people jumped off ships all the time to dive for it, all we had to do was wait for divers to come down and grab them, then put them to work in the mines."  
  
"But that's against all the labor laws!"  
  
"Your point? Of course, there was one problem with that line of thought."  
  
"What?"  
  
"One of the reasons the octopus obeys me is because I keep it fed. Whenever a miner has been here for one year, the big slug gets to eat him or her."  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
"Yeah, I know, the octopus eats too much! And that meant I had to keep replacing workers more often than I would like, and it didn't help that ships tended to stay away from the Pearl. So that's when Bog got this brilliant idea that ties into all the tickets we're stealing from all the premium clients. As I'm sure you know, we rigged your computer and that of almost everybody else's so any client you received would appear to be a loser not worthy of a Mega Rail ticket."  
  
"I knew about that, but I thought it was only my computer."  
  
"Nope, everybody else was having just as much trouble as you. I was the only one who knew I was getting premium clients, and I made you all feel like dorks by extravagantly flaunting my success."  
  
"But why didn't any of the others complain about it or tell other people how poorly they were doing?"  
  
"Did you tell your coworkers how bad your luck was?"  
  
"Good point. But what are you doing with all the tickets? And what does this have to do with the mining?"  
  
"Bog trusts me to keep all the tickets we steal here, in a special vault down the hall from Rana's office. I hold onto them until he needs to sell some of them to keep making money, and I receive more tickets from more clients we scam. As for the miners…" He grinned evilly. "None of my clients ever knew they were supposed to get a Mega Rail ticket to begin with. I tricked them and sent them on their way, to walk through the Petrified Forest, which we've set up to be a lot worse than usual if you don't have the appropriate tools. If and when they make it to Speedo Bottom, I meet them there, tell them the company made a mistake, offer my condolences, and then inform them that I will personally take them the rest of the way. I get the client on the next ship out of town, no matter where it's going, and pay off the captain to change course to pass over the Pearl. I give the client some scuba gear, telling him or her it's customary to take a dive at this point of the ocean. The client dives and is attracted by the Pearl's siren glow, and thus go down to it. The octopus catches the client and brings him or her here, where they are immediately put to work and eventually fed to my little pet."  
  
Zim was shocked. "And…and Rana?"  
  
"She would have suffered the same exact fate, if you hadn't gone and royally screwed things up. Of course, your bungling merely caused me to pick her up and bring her here a little later than expected. All you really did is cause her a lot of pain and spared her from getting eaten by the octopus, leaving here to rot here as a secretary to me, and later to you."  
  
"What makes you think I'll take over?"  
  
"Because you don't have a choice, Zim! You're trapped on this island forever, and I'm going to get back to the city Scot-free! Then I can concentrate full time on acting for the Dib Membrane Show!"  
  
Zim's blood was boiling, hardly believing just how evil Bog and Dib were. How could they possibly do something this sick, this depraved? "And tell me Dib, just how is your little show doing in my time slot?"  
  
Dib frowned. "Actually, it's pretty popular with the girls who have always found me dashing and handsome. But the other fans, the old ones, the losers who loved you…well, they have openly remarked that if your show is not reinstated they will launch a strike on Nickelodeon."  
  
"I see. And just how many fans still love me?"  
  
Dib looked uncomfortably. "Not many, only about one billion children around the real world."  
  
"And for you?"  
  
"Well…only five thousand."  
  
Zim's nonexistent eyebrows rose. "Really? Are you sure you're not exaggerating? I could have sworn you had far less fans than that, only about five hundred, all of them girls."  
  
Dib narrowed his eyes. "Careful Zim. You're on thin ice. If you make me too angry, I may just decide to forget about making you about my replacement after all and kill you like I did your stupid junk robot." That did it. Gir may have been stupid and made of junk, but he was Zim's stupid junk robot, and he was the only one who had the right to call him that! Extending his spider legs, he aimed at Dib, preparing to annihilate his old enemy. Reaching into his utility pod, Dib quickly whipped out a Sproutella gun, aiming it at Zim's forehead. The Irken paused. "I'm sure you can vaporize me to atoms, but I doubt you can do it before I pull the trigger. So tell me, are you going to shoot me and die along with me, or are you going to be a good little boy and put those away?" Zim retracted the spider legs. Dib didn't put down the gun. "Thank you. Now please leave my office." He put away the gun and replaced the headphones, once more listening to the tune.  
  
Zim turned, shaken, and left the office. Rana didn't look up as he walked by. Zim knew if he wanted her to trust him, he'd have to get her a gun. Then maybe he could deal with Dib. He walked back to his "office" to think for a moment. The birdies were still chipping away at the coral. He decided he needed to get out of this stuffy factory interior and headed out to the elevator/airlock. He activated his air bubble and force field, then pressed the bottom button on the control panel. The elevator descended to the place where Zim had entered in the first place. Leaving the elevator, he debated whether to go towards the coral reef or take the other path. He chose the coral reefs. Walking down the well-lit path, he found himself in the midst of a lot of glowing coral, with maybe a dozen workers chipping away at the coral with either pickaxes or what looked like drills. Since many of them weren't designed for water, they wore scuba gear. Zim looked around sadly. Dib had deprived all of these poor souls of their rightful jobs. He swore he would put things right. It was then that he noticed a familiar face down in the crowd, working on a large chunk of coral. It was Chepito! He was holding one of the big drills, which seemed to be overpowering him. Zim ran over, pleased to see the grouper. As he approached, he could hear the fish's grumbling and cursing as he struggled to control his tool. Zim got his attention. "Hey, Chepito."  
  
"What? Oh, it's YOU!" said the grouper angrily, turning off his drill. "Look at my eyebrows!" he snarled.  
  
"Well, you really weren't standing in a safe place." Offered Zim weakly.  
  
"Neither are you." Said Chepito, raising his drill.  
  
"Say, nice drill." Said Zim quickly, not wanting to get on the business end of the tool.  
  
His diversion worked. Chepito laughed. "Drill? This here ain't no drill! It's a high-powered reciprocating chisel! A Bust-All! They don't usually give these to the new guys."  
  
"Then how'd you get it?"  
  
"I'm connected, plugged in to the community out here. Trade's the name of the game here on the big reef. I got this baby by trading away a bunch of booty."  
  
"What kind of booty?"  
  
"Gold, son! And jewels! Just lying around the bottom of the ocean, waiting for somebody to pick it up! And all you people on the surface never even looked for it."  
  
"Give me some booty and I'll buy our way out of here."  
  
"Sorry, I traded it all away for the chisel."  
  
"You gave away gold for a power tool?" Zim asked incredulous.  
  
"It's a Bust-All!" He said defensively.  
  
"It looks to me like it's a little too powerful for you."  
  
"Is not!"  
  
"If you say so. Hey, do you think you could set me up with this trading network of yours?"  
  
"Depends on what you want and what I've got. So, what do you want?"  
  
"A drink."  
  
"Heh, we're swimming in the biggest drink there is, boy! What do you need a drink for?"  
  
"I was talking about alcohol."  
  
"I know. Anything else?"  
  
"How about a hug?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Sorry, just kidding. How about a towel?"  
  
Chepito laughed. "You a funny Irken!"  
  
"Well, I am loved by over a billion. Seriously now, what about a boat?"  
  
"Sorry, don't have one."  
  
"How about a gun?"  
  
"No, but that kitty over there does." Chepito said, pointing to a cat that was also cursing and grumbling, except she had a pickaxe instead of a Bust- All. "If you give her something she wants, she might give you a gun. Now, is there anything else you might want?"  
  
Zim looked at the ground. "My buddy Gir to still be alive."  
  
"Why, what happened to him?"  
  
"He went over the edge."  
  
"Ooh, stay away from the edge! It's dangerous! I've seen whole ships go over in my day, their engines in full reverse, trying to drop anchor, but the current was too strong. All of them went over…" He paused thinking. "Well, except maybe that one ship."  
  
"What one ship?"  
  
"I hear tell around here about a ship that's only half over the falls, one that actually managed to drop anchor before it went over the edge. The anchor dug in, but the ship still went down, dangling down the cliff, its crew falling to their doom. The anchor is planted near this conveyor belt on the other side of the island. If you're looking for a boat, you might be able to use that…if'n you had a superb engineer and some way of dredging her up."  
  
Zim was interested. "Well, how would you go about doing it?"  
  
"Well, it's like this: we chip off the coral here with our tools, then take it around the island to this conveyor belt that goes both to the surface and to the edge. There's this huge crane that goes around a hemispherical track on the island proper that picks up the coral bits in the scoop as they go down the conveyor belt, then takes them to the other side of the island and dumps them into these big coral crushing wheels. If you could get to the crane, you might be able to grab the ship by the anchor and pull her up, Lord knows the crane is definitely strong enough for the job."  
  
"How would I get to the crane?"  
  
"There are two possible ways to get to the crane's track: either reverse the flow of the conveyor belt to take you up to the crane track, or somehow obtain a keycard that lets you access the beach where the coral crushers are. Since the crane is always docked by the crushers when it's not time to dump our workload, I would suggest your best bet is the beach. Of course, you'd still need a keycard, and a certified mechanic."  
  
"I think I can get the keycard. As for the engineer…we'll see. Chepito, would you happen to know what button on the elevator will take me to the beach?"  
  
"I believe it's the fourth button from the bottom."  
  
"Thanks. Hey, how do you know all this stuff anyway?"  
  
"As I said, I'm connected, plugged in. A few of these workers have been here longer than others, and they're the ones that take the crushed coral up to the machines that hammer em' into light bulb sized pieces. They're the ones that told me. But don't bother asking for one of their cards, they'll never give it to you."  
  
"You've learned all of this stuff in only, what, an hour or two?"  
  
"As I said, I'm…"  
  
"Connected, plugged in, I know. I still need a gun, though." He looked at the cat, thinking. "She seems dissatisfied with her current tool. Hey Chepito, can I have your Bust-All so I can trade it to her for a gun?"  
  
Chepito held the chisel very close to him. "No way! I spent too much money on this thing! If you want it, you've gotta give me something better."  
  
Zim took out the little hammer Pugsy had thrown at him. "Hey Chepito, have you ever seen an authentic Little Chipper?"  
  
"No, I haven't."  
  
"Give me the Bust-All and I'll give you the Little Chipper. I think it's more to your pace than the chisel."  
  
Chepito handed over the chisel and took the hammer. He tested it out on the coral. "Hey, I think you're right! This thing is more suited for me. Little Chipper, I think we're gonna work together just fine." He eagerly started slowly chipping away at the coral.  
  
"Thanks for the chisel."  
  
"No thanks are necessary, boy, just give me a berth on that boat if'n you manage to drag her up."  
  
"I will, I will." Zim walked over to the cat. "Excuse me, miss…"  
  
The feline turned around, her fangs showing through her air helmet. "Look, I'm working as fast as I can, and I am not happy with the tool I have been provided. Either get me a new tool, better suited for my reflexes, or get lost."  
  
"Would a Bust-All work?" he asked, holding out the chisel.  
  
"Hey, thanks-" she said, reaching for the power tool.  
  
Zim pulled it away. "How about a trade? You give me your Sproutella gun, I give you your power tool."  
  
The feline thought a moment. "Well, I guess that seems fair. Here you go." She said, handing Zim a gun.  
  
He gave her the power tool. "Thanks. Hey, is it loaded?"  
  
"No." she said. Zim frowned at her. "Hey, bullets are impossible to get out here! If we had bullets, don't you think we would have led a successful uprising by now?"  
  
"Good point. Have fun with the Bust-All."  
  
"Oh, I plan to." She said, drilling into the rock with her chisel.  
  
Putting the gun into his pod, Zim headed for the elevator.  
  
Zim handed the gun to Rana. "Here-what good's a relationship without trust?"  
  
She took it. "True, a relationship without trust is about as empty…" She pulled a Sproutella bullet from behind the collar of her uniform, loaded it into the gun, stood up, and pointed the gun at Zim's head. "…As a gun without bullets! Guess you didn't know that a smart girl always keeps an extra round in her uniform for mad days. Come on, let's go." She said, pointing to the door to Dib's office.  
  
"Rana, you don't know what you're-"  
  
"I know exactly what I'm doing! Now move!" Leading him at gunpoint, they entered Dib's office.  
  
Dib turned around, taking off his headphones as they entered. He noticed Rana with the gun. Zim was protesting, saying, "Look, will you just listen to my escape plan first?"  
  
Dib got out of his seat as they approached the desk. "Trouble in paradise, kids?"  
  
Rana waved the gun, still aiming at Zim. "You're letting us go right now or your boy Friday here gets it!"  
  
Dib sighed and got out of his desk, approaching them. "Well I hate to lose you Zim, but uh…the lady seems to have made up her mind."  
  
Rana was a little puzzled. "I'm serious, I'll shoot him."  
  
Dib shrugged. "Fine! He doesn't really work for me, anyway."  
  
Rana blinked, confused, yet suddenly realizing she had been lied to. "But I thought he-I'll shoot you then!" She said, pointing the gun at the human's chest.  
  
A spider leg snaked out from Dib's pod, knocking the gun from Rana's hands and into Dib's. As he stuffed it into the pod, Dib immediately grabbed her and turned her around, holding her in place. "No, you won't. You're too good, remember?" He started leading her from the room, into her office. Zim tried to follow, but Dib kicked shut the door to his office, slamming it in Zim's face. Although he could not follow, he could hear Rana protesting.  
  
"I'm not! I'm not good anymore! You've taken that out of me, keeping me a prisoner here! I'm gonna crack you open like a fake Ming vase! I'm gonna-" There was a loud clang, and she was silenced.  
  
A moment later, Dib came back in the room and sat at his desk, acting like nothing had happened. "Ahh…kid's alright. Hahahaha. She's a firecracker…but a night in the cooler usually dampens her fuse."  
  
Zim however, was not happy with this. He walked over to the desk and pounded on it until Dib took off his headphones again. Before Dib could get a word out, Zim asked, "What did you do with her? What is this cooler?"  
  
"Well, remember the vault down the hall I told you about?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Whenever she gets ornery, I just lock her in the vault for a night. It's good for behavior modification."  
  
Zim gaped. "Is there air in the vault?"  
  
"Well, there is a small vent, but the oxygen is too thin for her to stay conscious long. Don't worry, I'll revive her in the morning. Of course, I will have to punish her for pulling a gun on me. Perhaps a little water torture will do the trick…yes, that'll do it."  
  
"No! I absolutely forbid you to do this! I order you to release her right now!"  
  
Dib chuckled. "Zim, I'm the one in charge around here, and I'm telling you to go to your office now."  
  
Zim didn't budge. "NO! I have had it up to here with you, you slarking son of a bitch! You have done a huge number of unforgivable things. You are accomplicing a villain, stealing tickets from their rightful owners, enslaving innocent toons and killing them when you don't want to keep them around any more, putting children in a cage, killed my best friend, and now you're throwing the woman I love into a vault with no air and are planning to torture her later! I will not take anymore of this, BIG HEAD!"  
  
That did it. Dib snapped. He pulled out the gun, trembling, and pressed it right to Zim's head. "Go ahead Zim. Do it. Give me a reason to blow your head off, a reason to turn you even greener than you are now. Go on, say how big my head is! DO IT!"  
  
Zim didn't know what came over him at that moment. All he knew was his hand suddenly shot up, dashing the gun from Dib's hand. As Dib stared in shock, Zim activated all of his spider legs, holding them only inches from Dib's enormous cranium. "Okay Dib, now it's my turn. Give me the combination to the vault and a keycard that will grant full access to the elevator. Now."  
  
Dib gulped and handed Zim a keycard. "T-the combination is 4, 9, 2. J-just g-go away."  
  
Zim grabbed the keycard and started backing away, still aiming at Dib's head. He reached the door and went through, slamming it behind him. A second later, he welded it shut with his spider legs to keep Dib from escaping. He ran out of the secretary office and into the corridor, where he could barely hear Rana screaming for help. The odd-looking panel he had noticed earlier had slid aside, revealing a big, thick-looking metal door with a combination wheel and handle. Zim spun the wheel, entering the combination, then opened the door. Rana was on the other side of the door, and surprised to see Zim. She immediately ran out and gave Zim a hug, surprising him. "Zim, thank you! I knew you would save me!"  
  
Zim couldn't help blushing a little. "Come on, let's get the kids and get off this hellhole."  
  
"What about the suitcases?"  
  
"What suitcases?" Rana moved away, allowing Zim to see inside the vault. There were a few file cabinets of coral harvest reports, a huge suit of armor, a huge battleaxe, and four or five small suitcases lying on the floor. "Oh. What's in them?"  
  
"Look for yourself." Zim entered the vault and opened the top suitcase. A golden flow filtered out. Just like the one in Speedo Bottom, this suitcase was filled with Mega Rail tickets! "It's all the Mega Rail tickets Bog and Dib have stolen over the years. Each one stolen from a good toon and now they just…sit there."  
  
Zim frowned a moment, closing the suitcase, puzzling over something. "That's it!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"They just sit there! That's what's been bothering me! In the days when I was a hot salesman, I used to see Mega Rail tickets all the time…and they move!"  
  
"What do you mean, they move?" she asked, confused.  
  
"They become agitated around cartoon souls, and the ticket that belongs to you will actually fly into your hand. But these tickets, and the tickets in that suitcase of Charlie's, it's like they're…dead. Why would Bog and Dib be hoarding cases of counterfeit Mega Rail tickets?"  
  
"We can figure that out later. Come on, we have to get out of here."  
  
After taking the birdies from their cage and reaching the beach using Zim's new keycard, Zim told Rana to stay behind and watch the kids. "Rana, I'm sorry I wasn't able to get your pod back from Dib. That means you can't go down and tell the miners to come up here. I'm going to go get us a ship, so I need you to stay here and take care of the kids."  
  
"Can't you just give me your pod?" she asked.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I need it where I'm going. Please stay here, I couldn't bear it if you got in trouble again."  
  
She sighed. "Okay Zim. I'll stay here. It's just…"  
  
"Just what?"  
  
"I don't like feeling helpless. It's so…so un-Invaderish!"  
  
"I'll try to get you a pod once we're far away from this place. But don't feel helpless. You're helping out right now by staying right where you are. I just need you to trust me while I go out and leave you here."  
  
"I trust you Zim. You've already proven that to me."  
  
Those few words meant the world to Zim. "Thanks." With that, he headed down the beach, looking for the crane Chepito had told him about. Surprisingly, he now felt a lot more cheerful. He realized he had finally admitted the truth to himself, how he loved Rana. He only hoped she felt the same way. He decided to tell her once they had made it away from here, vows of love should not be made on a godforsaken island at the edge of a giant abyss. After a bit of walking, he found what he was looking for. It was huge. Really huge. Really, really huge. There was a raised platform that could be reached by two concrete ramps. In between the ramps was a chute with a pair of big spinning spiked rollers at the top, the coral crushers. At the top of the platform was the crane. It was incredibly big, larger than Zim's last ship! A stepladder lead to a door on the massive structure. Only half of the crane's structure was visible, the wheels and stuff were hidden on the other side of the platform. A long boom arm and scoop stuck out of the top of the crane. It was apparent that the boom allowed the scoop to lower away from the crane, but also limited the amount of chain that could be used. Awed, Zim walked up the concrete slope and up the stepladder, entering the crane. Taking the controls, he drove the crane across its track, going to the other side of the island. Once the crane was docked, so to speak, Zim lowered the scoop, hoping it would grab onto the anchor Chepito had mentioned. He pulled up the scoop and got…nothing. He realized the anchor was probably just out of the crane's range, but he thought he should check it out just in case. Climbing out of the crane, Zim saw the conveyor belt he had been told about extending out of the water and stopping at the edge of the platform. The conveyor was currently moving up, but there was a metal rail in the middle Zim could walk down. Activating his force field and air bubble, Zim walked into the water. Going down the conveyor belt, he quickly reached the bottom of the sea. Unfortunately, the conveyor belt leveled out and was now starting to push him back up. Struggling against the motion, Zim suddenly noticed a lever sticking out of a base just outside the conveyor belt, probably for the miners to reverse the current of the belt. Extending a spider leg, Zim flipped the lever. The belt started moving forward, taking Zim with it. That's when he suddenly got to the edge, the current trying to pull him off the belt. In fact the belt actually went straight to the edge, so even if he managed to stay on, Zim would fall into the abyss. He quickly grabbed onto the stable metal rails on the side of the conveyor belt, stopping him. He was still affected by the current, but he could now move back up the conveyor belt or go down it. Looking behind him, he saw the large anchor partially imbedded in the soil just off the belt, its chain going over the edge. Carefully moving down the rail, Zim jumped to the anchor, catching onto it and allowing him to shimmy down the chain. He reached the edge and kept going down the chain, climbing downwards. As he was halfway down the chain, he looked down and saw two things. First off, he saw the pitch-black depths of the abyss. Second was the end of the chain and what was hanging from it, a big cruise ship. Just what he was looking for. Now that he had confirmed the ship's existence, he had to figure out some way of fixing the crane so it would reach the anchor. From what he deduced, the crane's long arm was what kept the scoop from reaching the anchor. If Zim could lower the scoop and sever it from the chain, the backlash would probably break off the boom and allow him to use the chain's full length. Of course, he would still have to figure out how to get the chain around the anchor without a scoop, but he figured he would be able to get around that. There was also the problem of how he would fix the ship up without a mechanic, since Gir was gone…he got off that thought and decided to cross that bridge when he got to it. Even though he knew he should climb back up and figure out how to get the crane to work for his intentions, he wanted to check out the ship itself. He continued to climb down the chain, making it onto the aft of the ship. He noticed that a panel had been pulled off of the hull, revealing a portion of the machinery within. He also heard weird noises coming from that hole. He ran over when he started to hear whatever was in the hole mutter "cupcake." He got to the edge of the hole and saw…"Gir!"  
  
Gir, who was in the machinery, looked up from what he was doing. "Hi Master!"  
  
Zim leapt into the small hole and hugged Gir. "Gir! I thought you were dead when you fell over the edge!"  
  
"Naw, I just hit this aft panel while I was following, breaking my fall and opening up the engines. Look at what I've done already!" Gir pulled on a cable, and one of the ship's propellers started turning. Gir let go of the cable. "Is there no engine that can resist the love that's in these hands?"  
  
"Apparently not. Gir, this ship could be our ticket off this island!"  
  
"Hey, good point! I was just wrenching her for fun, but your idea's good too."  
  
"I'll go back up to the surface and figure out a way to pull this thing up. You keep working on the engines while I'm gone, okay?"  
  
Gir's eyes turned red as he saluted. "Yes Master, I obey!" Turning blue again, he started humming the Doom Song while working on the engines. Zim turned around and started climbing back up the ladder.  
  
A few minutes later, he had driven the crane back around the island and lowered the scoop onto the beach. Walking out of the crane and down the slope, Zim went up to the scoop and extended his spider legs, their tips crackling with energy. Zim applied the tips to the base of the scoop, breaking the chain off. The chain lashed into the air, causing a small explosion on the crane. The boom arm fell off, landing in the water and going over the edge. Zim ran back up to the crane and drove the thing to the other side of the island where he lowered the chain. He climbed out of the crane and was disappointed to find that the chain was bunched up at the top of the conveyor, not going anywhere because he had switched the belt to go back up when he had left Gir. Zim knew he had to go back in the water. Activating his protection, he walked down the conveyor. He jumped off the side of the belt near the lever, walking over and flipping it. The belt started moving downwards, allowing the chain to flow down the belt and go just a little over the end of the belt. However, it left the anchor untouched. Zim thought for a moment then flipped the switch again. The chain retracted a little down the belt, bunching it up again. Flipping the switch once more, Zim caused the bunched up chain to go down the belt, part of the loops caused by the mass to go around the hook end of the anchor, securing it. Zim jumped back onto the conveyor and climbed the chain back up to the crane. Hopping into the control room, he pulled up the chain. Since the chain was firmly wrapped around the anchor, pulling up the chain pulled up the anchor as well, dragging the ship back onto the surface. Gir was hanging onto the chain, yelling, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO! Taco!"  
  
Zim used the crane to drag the boat all the way back to the beach. After he had dropped it onto the shore, he got out of the crane to see a little reunion. Gir was hugging Rana, babbling excitedly, and she wasn't sure what to make of him. Pugsy and Bibi were having fun, playing Aerial Tag. "Well, how'd I do?" Zim asked.  
  
Rana smiled. "I'm impressed. I didn't doubt you, but I didn't think you would just drag a ship from out of nowhere like that. Are we ready to go?"  
  
"Ask Gir, he's the mechanic."  
  
"Okay. Gir, are we ready to go?"  
  
Gir jumped off of Rana. "I'm afraid not. Although the ship is in excellent condition and I have repaired the engines, we'll need something to punch our way through the big coral reef, some kind of grinder or pulverizer or…"  
  
"A crusher?" asked Zim.  
  
"Yeah, that could work. Why, do you know where to find one?"  
  
"Actually, I do. Be right back." Zim ran over to the crane and got in it. He lowered the chain, dropping it straight into the crushers, causing the big wheels to stop moving. Zim pulled the chain back up, wrenching the crushers from their sockets and causing them to roll onto the beach.  
  
Gir ran over and examined them. "Oh yeah, these should do the trick. I've just gotta do some figuring…"  
  
It took a few hours and a lot of help from the miners, but the crushers were mounted on the prow and the boat was ready to launch. The old ship, now named the Liberation, sailed away from the island, the big wheels of the crushers smashing through all the coral in their way. Zim and Rana looked down on the crushers from the prow end of the deck. "Works like crazy! Full speed ahead!" Zim yelled back to Gir.  
  
"Aye aye captain!" Gir eagerly ran down tot he engine room and started messing with all the thingamabobs and gadgets, causing the ship to speed up, finally breaking free of the coral reef and sailing for the port town of Zapato.  
  
While the rest of the crew (the miners) rushed around, getting things running, and the children were still playing Air Tag, Zim and Rana enjoyed a private moment by the railing on the side of the deck. "So, are you really going to bring me back and try to get your old job again?" asked Rana.  
  
Zim shook his head fervently. "There's no job for me now, except to bring you and everyone else here to the end of the road."  
  
Rana seemed surprised. "But if you aren't going to use me to get your job back, why did you spend all this time trying to find me?"  
  
Zim hesitated. "Rana, I…I needed to find you. I…" Before he could finish his all-important sentence, something rammed the ship, causing the entire structure to shake. "What the?"  
  
Rana looked over the railing. "Oh no!"  
  
Zim followed suit and saw why she had said that. The octopus submarine surfaced, running alongside the ship. A hatch opened on the deck near the front fin of the submarine. Dib climbed out, looking very angry and slightly crazy. Zim cursed himself, realizing he should have tried to take away Dib's pod before he had trapped him in his office. He had obviously escaped with the use of the pod, just as any Irken would. Dib shook his fist at Zim. "I gave you ONE job, Zim! And look at you, you've screwed it up completely, like you screw up everything! Come on down here and we can settle our rivalry for good!"  
  
"And if I don't?"  
  
"Then I'll rip a hole through this ship!"  
  
Narrowing his eyes, Zim started to climb over the railing. "Zim-" started Rana.  
  
"Don't try to stop me Rana. I've got to stop him once and for all, or he'll dog us forever. Besides, he has your pod."  
  
"I wasn't going to try to stop you, I was just going to wish you good luck."  
  
Zim looked in her eyes for a moment, then nodded. "Thanks."  
  
He jumped over the railing, landing with a thud onto the submarine. As the vehicle pulled away, going several hundred meters ahead of the ship, Rana called up to Pugsy and Bibi, who had stopped their game of tag to watch. "Pugsy! Bibi! Go help Zim!"  
  
Dib activated his spider legs. Zim followed suit, also activating his waterproof force field to protect him from the ocean spray as the submarine cut through the water. However, he knew the shield would not protect him from the sharp points of Dib's spider legs. "You do realize, this is going on your permanent record…" Dib said.  
  
"Get it through your head, Dib, I'm not going to work for you."  
  
"Oh that's okay, you're fired! Just consider this your severance package." He swiped at Zim with a leg, nearly decapitating him. Zim shot forward, thrusting at Dib with one leg at a time to retain balance. Dib quickly jumped out of the way and slashed at Zim with a leg before he could turn around. Zim yelped as the metal limb cut into his skin, drawing purple blood. He jumped forward, surprising Dib and allowing Zim to deliver a blow of his own. But before the leg could connect with Dib's chest, the submarine swerved, and the leg merely cut through part of Dib's trench coat. Zim turned towards the front and saw the octopus was watching the fight intently. Since the mollusk was the pilot, it was probably swerving whenever it looked like Zim was going to deliver a hit, causing him to miss. He quickly jumped out of the way as Dib tried to cut him again, barely missing a blow. This wasn't fair, Dib had chosen the battleground, and was cheating. Zim needed an advantage of his own. As the two circled, Zim suddenly saw Pugsy and Bibi flying after them. The twins separated, Pugsy flying to the front of the submarine while Bibi hovered behind Dib's head, unnoticed. Out of the corner of his eye, Zim could see Pugsy flying around the octopus' eyes, distracting it. Zim grinned. He now had his advantage. Yelling, he leapt backwards. As Dib stood there, startled by the unexpected move, Bibi pulled off Dib's pod, causing the spider legs to retract and leaving him helpless, or so it seemed as he fell to the deck. "Hey, give that back you stupid bird!" he yelled at Bibi as she flew back to the ship to return the pod to Rana. Zim knew his next step would be to stop the submarine. As they were ahead of the ship, Zim had already formed a plan that would probably get Dib out of this world once and for all. He ran towards the front of the submarine, causing Pugsy to fly out of the way. As the octopus had its view suddenly clear, it saw the angry Irken running towards it and almost panicked. Extending a spider leg, Zim thrusted at one of the octopus' two viewports, shattering it and piercing the big gastropod's eye. Screeching, the octopus stopped the sub and swam out through a hatch on the bottom, blood streaming from one eye. The submarine spun a little and came to a complete stop, dead in the water. As Zim cheered himself on, Dib snuck up from behind him. Pugsy tried to warn Zim, but when the Irken turned around to find the big headed human standing in front of him. Pulling a switchblade from a pocket in his trench coat, Dib slashed at Zim's chest, making a cut and knocking him to the deck. Dib stood on Zim's chest, the blade pointed to his throat. "Well, it looks like after all these years I've finally gotten you under the knife."  
  
"Hey human, could you mind getting out of the way? Your giant head is blocking out the sun!" Zim shot back.  
  
Angrily, Dib got off of Zim, pulling back the switchblade. That last retort about his head had clearly been too much, as was evident by Dib's twitching eyebrow. "I don't believe you, Zim! You're losing a fight so you pick on one of my pets and insult me??? Why can't you be more like me, Zim? I've been trying to show you, but you don't listen. If you'd just adopt the proper attitude, just look what could happen to you!" Dib had completely forgotten about the Liberty, not realizing that even thought the submarine had stopped, the ship was still coming. So it was no surprise when the ship, which had covered the distance while Dib was talking, started chewing through the hull of the submarine. The crushers pulled in a screaming Dib and ground him to pieces, popping his huge head like a zit and spraying blood over the hull of the ship. As the crushers started coming dangerously close to Zim, the Irken backed up as far as he could, trying to buy more time. At the last possible second, Pugsy grabbed him by the back of his collar and hoisted him into the air, pulling him away from the churning wheels and dropping him onto the deck.  
  
Rana ran over to him, her utility pod reattached to her back. "Zim, are you all right?"  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, but Dib isn't. Well, I did promise him I'd grind him into powder."  
  
"You're wounded! Does it hurt much?"  
  
"It'll heal. Rana, there's something I wanted to tell you before the fight, something I've wanted to say for a long time."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I love you. I've loved you ever since I first ripped open your protoform. What I want to know is-"  
  
"Do I love you back? Well…yes, yes I do. I think I've loved you ever since I first saw you, which I guess was also the first moment of my life." She smiled. "In a way, you could say I've loved you all my life." They looked into each other's eyes for a moment. And then, with no warning, the two aliens suddenly found themselves sharing their first kiss. The birds watched, disgusted. After all, they're only children. He Liberation sailed into the sunset, the remains of the submarine sinking behind them, including the shattered fragments of a pair of bloodstained glasses.  
  
1 FOUR MONTHS LATER  
  
A weary group of travelers walked across the frozen wasteland. The group included a robot, two birds, a crusty old grouper, and an assortment of other toons. Led by two Irkens wrapped in parkas and force fields, they finally reached their destination. A great ledge overlooked a massive fissure, not as big as the abyss, but still pretty big. A huge structure was sprawled across the ledge, built out of solid stone and looking every bit like an ancient Mayan temple, complete with ziggurat, all erected at least twice the normal proportions for a Mayan temple and pyramid. A monorail track was supported on high struts, going straight into the huge door at the top of the Ziggurat. It was the Mega Rail track, and the fact that it went straight into the ziggurat indicated they had reached their destination, the employment office. It also helped that there was a huge orange neon sign perched on top of the pyramid saying, "Nickelodeon Employment Office." Walking past two huge stone slabs set in the ground at the base of the temple and walking up a long set of stairs, the travelers reached the top of the pyramid a landing. Next to the huge entrance used for the Mega Rail were two smaller doors for people who walked all the way here. One of them, the closest to the monorail's entrance, had a small balcony overlooking it, with a strange-looking toon sitting in it. The toon was very small, a white lab mouse of some kind, with pink eyes and a big head. No, it wasn't as large as Dib's head, not even proportionately when compared tot he mouse's tiny body. It was merely wider than the average mouse's head. The mouse was dressed in colorful Mayan-style robes and had a really weird hat on that looked ungainly but probably kept him warm. The mouse looked down upon the group. He pointed to the grouper. "Name, please."  
  
"Chepito."  
  
"Waiting Area One. That's the door I'm sitting over. Congratulations, you've become an extra. The people inside will warm you up and give you the contract."  
  
"Woohoo! I finally made it!" shouted Chepito, running…well, walking quickly through the door.  
  
"Next!" said the mouse.  
  
Pugsy walked into the mouse's view. "Pugsy, sir."  
  
"Waiting room number two. That's the other door. Next!"  
  
As Pugsy started towards the door and the next person stood up, Gir moaned and clutched his chest. Staggering backwards, he suddenly stepped off the landing, falling away. "Gir? Gir, no!" yelled Zim, running down the stairs, leaving the others to be sorted.  
  
Uh oh! What's wrong with Gir? Will everybody get the roles they deserve, finally receiving their reward? What about Rana? Will she stay with Zim? How will Bog deal with all this? Find out next time! 


	8. Part Four: The Gatekeeper, Speedo Bottom...

1 PART FOUR  
  
Zim ran down the steps, but there were so many that it took him some time before he got to the landing where he expected Gir to be. There was nothing there. His friend was nowhere in sight. Zim thought he might have fallen down the stairs they walked up on as well, so he headed down an even longer set to check. He reached the bottom, the snowy road they came in on. Gir wasn't here either. There were two Nickelodeon delivery trucks, though, each filled with cryogenic freezing pods. Curious, Zim examined the pods in the truck and saw that their frozen interiors mostly held supplies. That's when he noticed one pod with a familiar figure inside, his face frozen in anger, holding a coffee mug. Zim opened the pod. Bronu the Irken climbed out, angrier than before. After shaking the cobwebs out of his forehead, he noticed who had set him free. "YOU! You're the one that locked me in that pod in the first place!" He threw the coffee mug at Zim's head, hitting it. "I was trapped in that pod for a whole year with nothing but a coffee mug to read! You could have at least given me a magazine! And if you were headed out here in the first place, why didn't you give me a lift? Ah, phooey! I'm getting out of here!" He stomped past Zim, heading up the steps of the pyramid.  
  
After rubbing his head from where the mug had hit it, he picked up the mug, noting that it was full of the freezing material. Putting it in his pod, he started back up the steps, hoping he could find a sign, any sign, of Gir. When he reached the first landing, he found Rana! "Rana, what are you doing down here? You should be getting your job!"  
  
She shook her head, worried. "Zim, something's wrong."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Go up to the Gate Keeper and see! I'll keep looking for Gir." She paused, then gave him a hug. "Don't worry. I'm sure Gir is fine. Now go."  
  
Nodding, Zim ran up the stairs. At the top, he was surprised to see the platform was empty. "Hey, where is everybody?"  
  
"Waiting area two." Said the mouse.  
  
"How long do they have to wait in there?"  
  
"Until they have tickets. They were issued tickets on the Mega Rail and they do not have them now. The punishment for selling tickets is VERY severe."  
  
"They didn't sell their tickets, they were stolen!"  
  
"By who?"  
  
"Emperor Bog stole them to sell to rich people who don't deserve them."  
  
The "slow" sign next to the track started swinging back in forth, the bell ringing. The train was coming. "That might be them now. Let's see just what they deserve."  
  
Out of the mist enshrouding the cold area, a light appeared at the end of the visible track. The light brightened as its source came out of the fog. The light was mounted to the front of the Mega Rail, a powerful yet beautiful magenta and purple machine, riding the rail towards the temple top, a line of cars behind it. It got closer, starting to slow down. Even though it was far away, Zim could swear that he had seen Mick Virago through one of the windows, sipping from a martini glass. The "Slow" sign kept swinging back and forth, but that's when something really strange happened. The sign started spinning as it swung back and forth, the ringing of the bell sounding odd and echoing. Suddenly, the front of the sign changed from a standard yellow with the word Slow on it, it turned red with the face of a grinning demon. A segmented barbed tail extended from the top of the sign, swinging around, and a red pointy arrow emerged from the bottom. The sign took one last swing, then bent way over, the tail straightening out and the arrow pointing straight down. On the huge stone slabs at the base of the temple, red glowing runes started to carve themselves into the slabs at an astonishing rate. With each rune completed, the train began glowing brighter and brighter. As the final rune was etched in place, the edges and crack between the two slabs burned a bright red glow. The slabs swung open like a pair of doors, revealing a swirling vortex of strange, negative colors. The glow around the train pulled off, forming a swirling ring of energy a little further down the track. As the monorail passed through the ring, it shuddered. Panels ripped off the front car, the engine, burning into nothingness as they fell away. The thing that was now where the engine car had been creaked and sprung up, the front of a horrendous metal dragon. The dragon roared and shook itself, causing the cars behind it to shatter as well, turning into cattle cars full of surprised and terrified people. The end of the monorail sprouted a barbed tail that flicked and swished in the air. The dragon picked up speed, hurtling down the track. As Zim was starting to fear it would crash into the station, the dragon leaped off the racks, plummeting into the vortex and taking all the passengers with it. The slabs rumbled and slowly fell, sealing the vortex beneath them. The mouse shook his head in disgust. Zim looked up at him, confused and frightened. "What happened to that train???"  
  
"Your destiny may not be purchased."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"You claim the tickets were stolen and being sold, correct?" Zim nodded. "If the tickets the people on that train had were real tickets, even if they were stolen ones, the Mega Rail would not have undergone the transformation you saw. The tickets those people had were counterfeit."  
  
"Counterfeit tickets…of course!" Now Zim understood why the tickets in Dib's vault had been fakes. Bog was hoarding the real tickets for himself, not letting Dib have access to them and letting him think he had real ones. But why did Bog want the real tickets anyway? What purpose did that serve? "What happened to the people on the train?"  
  
"The vortex you saw leads to the chaotic interiors of the worst possible place a toon can go."  
  
"Hell?"  
  
"No, no, that's only for the dead. Perhaps I should have said second worst. Those toons have gone to the minds of their own creators. Those that had been wicked throughout their existence will be reverted to protoforms. Those who were good, but duped into wasting their money on the fake tickets will merely be transported to the station in Nick City, where they began this ride."  
  
"What about the ones that had real tickets?"  
  
"None of them had real tickets. If at least one person had a real ticket, the train would have come into station. Those who had fakes would then be forced to ride the train back to the city and live without ever getting a job with the company."  
  
"Why is everyone being detained?"  
  
"After receiving a ticket, a toon may not sell it."  
  
"They didn't sell the tickets, somebody else is."  
  
"Bring the tickets. That is all."  
  
"The tickets are in Nick City. How can I get there quickly?"  
  
The mouse looked over at the monorail track. "These rails are already there."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The rails go all the way to Nick City. If you can find a means of riding the rail, you can get there relatively quickly."  
  
"Ah. My friend is missing. Can you help?"  
  
"A thousand sidekicks have died delivering the toons they were created to serve."  
  
"What?"  
  
"No, I can't help you find him."  
  
"Who are you, anyway?"  
  
"I am the Keeper of the Gate."  
  
"What gate? I don't see any gate."  
  
"What about the vortex the train leapt into?"  
  
"Oh, so you control that gate?"  
  
"I didn't say that."  
  
Zim was getting confused and sick of this runaround. "Okay, what gate do you control?"  
  
"The gate between this world and the real one. I stand vigil at this employment office, controlling the forces that allow gateways to open in this world, such as the ones leading to the Interdimensional Highway."  
  
"Ohhhhhhhhhh…" He scratched his head. "Well, thanks for the help, I guess."  
  
"The gate opens…the gate closes…it does not help."  
  
"Uhhh, right." Zim started to walk to the stairs, but he paused and looked at the slow sign, which had reverted to normal after the train had leapt. "Are you the one that made that switch point straight down?"  
  
The Gatekeeper shook his head. "The living train does what it does." Living train? Zim thought. The Mega Rail was alive? Weird. Then again, he did have a living car, so he really wasn't one to talk. He started walking to the stairs. Just as he was about to take the first step, the Gatekeeper called to him. "Recently I was visited by a bird with an Irken head. Do you know such a bird…Invader Zim?"  
  
Zim walked back over tot he Gatekeeper surprised. "No. How do you know my-"  
  
"He knew you…and for you, he left this note." Pulling a piece of paper bigger than himself (after all, he is just a tiny mouse) from somewhere on his ledge, the Gatekeeper dropped the paper into Zim's hands.  
  
Frowning, Zim read it aloud. "I know what you're up to. Stay there, I'm coming to sprout you myself! Yours truly, Emperor Bog." Zim folded up the letter and put it in his pod. So Bog was out to get him for sure now. This gave him all the more reason to leave. He walked down the stairs. This time, the Gatekeeper did not stop him. When Zim reached the landing Rana had met him at, he suddenly noticed a path leading around the front of the pyramid he had not noticed before. Walking down it, he found a small square building jutting from the structure. A cable came out from the top of the doorway, going down the mountainside across a series of poles. It looked like a gondola station of some sort. Wait a minute. Gondolas? They had walked all the way up here when they could have taken a gondola ride? He knew he should have checked the other side of the mountain before they had started climbing up. He walked inside the station and found a fairly large room. He was standing on a platform that took up most of the room, with stairs down the side that lead to what looked like a work area. The gondola that this station was made for was hanging from its cable, a few mechanics mechanic working on it. It had a cool decal job, with flames and skulls. What drew Zim's attention, however, were two things. One, all the mechanics in the room were Sirs that looked a lot like Gir. Second, Gir himself was lying on the floor, groaning and surrounded by a couple of the Sirs. Rana stood by, looking sad. Gir moaned. "Gir? Gir! What's going on?"  
  
"Hear the name of the great one!" said one Sir.  
  
"Gir!" the two said in unison."  
  
"I'll repeat: what's going on?" said Zim.  
  
"Zim, Gir's sick." Said Rana.  
  
"Sick? But he's a robot! He can't get sick!"  
  
"How long?" asked one Sir.  
  
"What?"  
  
"How long has this great being been away from engines, from heat?"  
  
"Well, we've been hiking for two months-"  
  
"Months?" asked both Sirs. "Oh, then the great one will surely die."  
  
"But-but why?"  
  
"This great machine is an older model SIR. He does not have the same kind of internal heating unit as we, so he is freezing on the inside. He only needs a change of warmth to stop being cold, and we have plenty of heat in here."  
  
Zim sighed in relief. "Well, that's good! I was getting worried for a second, with your talk of him dying and all he needs is a little warmth."  
  
"Zim, that isn't Gir's only problem." Said Rana.  
  
"What? There's more?"  
  
"Do you not know the one skill, the one desire, the one purpose of any mechanic?" asked a Sir.  
  
"Yeah, to fix things like engines."  
  
"Yes, but it is more than that. The spirit of a mechanic requires speed to sustain itself, speed from a vehicle of some sort. The great one's noble spirit has obviously fallen low from his lack of speed in the last two months, and he will surely die if he is not placed in something fast."  
  
"Do you have any vehicles that can make him better?"  
  
"Aside from the gondola?"  
  
"The only other vehicles that come here are the trucks that deliver the supplies and toons."  
  
"But they are slow."  
  
"So slow!" they chorused.  
  
"Who are you guys? How do you know this stuff?" asked Zim.  
  
"We are mechanics!" they chorused.  
  
"Just like him!" said one Sir, pointing to the moaning Gir.  
  
"But never before have we seen one of our kind so…so…"  
  
"So experienced!" the two chorused.  
  
"Experienced?" asked Zim.  
  
"He has been in many places and has done many things to engines. He is clearly a superior mechanic, and thus deserves our devotion and worship."  
  
"Uh, if you say so." Said Zim. He walked past the two Sirs, kneeling down to examine Gir. He looked at him sadly. This was his fault. He had pushed everyone on, trying to get them to the final destination. How could he have not noticed his friend's growing sickness? He was the one who had gotten Gir fired, just because he wanted to beat Dib…"Gir, I'm so sorry…"  
  
Gir struggled, recognizing him. "Maaaaaaster…is that you?"  
  
"I'm here, Gir. Why didn't you tell me you were sick?"  
  
"Couldn't…stop…have to…save everyone…"  
  
"Are you in much pain?"  
  
"Only because I let yo down, Master…"  
  
"Gir, you didn't let me down. If anything, I let you down."  
  
"Don't…say that…" Gir's little body was wracked with coughs. One of the Sirs put a blanket over him, trying to warm him up a little for fear that Gir would fall apart if they moved him. He was a bit damaged from falling from such heights as the top of the pyramid, after all.  
  
"What can I get you? Will anything help?"  
  
"I need to race, to fly, like…like the old days, Master, in the Doom Wagon…" His face seemed to light up, remembering the car he loved so much.  
  
"But the Doom Wagon isn't here, Gir." Said Zim sadly.  
  
"Maybe I'll see her…on the other side…"  
  
"Can't we just build a new hot rod?"  
  
Gir groaned, trying to sit up. "No more hot rods, Master. There's no time, and I'm too sick to build it…" He stopped, noticing the gondola for the first time. "Hey, what's that red thing?"  
  
Zim looked. "What, the gondola?"  
  
"Sweet…decal job…" He wobbled, then stood up. "Listen, fellas…somebody, somebody get me a pen…"  
  
Half an hour later…Gir let go of the pen, letting it fall to the floor. He looked up at the masterpiece he had just finished drawing on the wall. It was a detailed blueprint that showed how the gondola could be attached to the side of the monorail and be carried down the track by a powerful rocket sled that would ride atop the rail, with Gir sitting in it. What looked like rocket engines protruded from the back of the sliding engine. "There. What could be my final work. It'll save me, if you can find the right…" He convulsed, then fell to the ground.  
  
Zim, Rana and the two Sirs ran over. "The right what? The right what?" asked Zim.  
  
Gir wheezed. "The right…fuel…" He hacked.  
  
"Gir, what kind of fuel?" asked Rana.  
  
"Rocket…fuel…" Gir's head fell back, hitting the floor with a clunk, his eyes near dead. That last exertion had clearly taken a lot out of him.  
  
A few of the Sirs draped several blankets on Gir, trying to keep him a little warm. The others immediately started work on the modifications to the gondola and began building the rocket engine. However, they didn't have the right fuel. That was the one problem. Rana picked up a hammer and walked over to the gondola. "Rana, what are you doing?" Zim asked.  
  
"Zim, if we're going to save Gir, these mechanics need all the help they can get. I actually understand a bit of what those blueprints are saying, so I'm the only one of us qualified to help."  
  
"But then what do I do? Gir's my servant, I have to take responsibility for him."  
  
"Find the right fuel."  
  
"Where am I going to find rocket fuel?"  
  
"I don't know, just look around!"  
  
"Okay, I'm going." His derfug-polhu grumbled. "Right after I have a snack, that is. Hey, would you guys happen to have a kitchen around here?"  
  
"Down the stairs and to your right." Said one of the mechanics.  
  
"Thanks." Zim walked down the stairs. Even though his derfug-polhu told him to go through the door that led to the kitchen, Zim wanted to take a quick looksee at the rest of this place. The Sirs down here were hard at work creating the engine, so Zim decided to leave them alone. On the wall near the kitchen were a couple of locked tool cabinets and a pair of oil drums with little faucets so you could put some on rags for lubrication or something. Zim obeyed his stomach equivalent and walked into the kitchen. A  
  
After opening the refrigerator and rapidly devouring some of the food inside, he took a look around. There wasn't much else in here, a sink (shudder) a toaster, a coffee mug rack, and an open drawer. Zim walked over to the open drawer and looked inside. It was full of rags. He picked one up, something in his intuition telling him he would need it. He was kind of cold, even with the parkas, so he did something you should never try at home. He stuck the rag in the toaster. Now this is very dangerous, so never ever do it. All the toaster did was make the rug nice and warm, but that was good enough for Zim. He walked back into the main room and a weird thought came into his head. He went over to one of the oil drums and soaked his rag in it, making it all…well, oily. Then, following another impulse, he went back in the kitchen and put the oily rag in the toaster. This is even more dangerous kids, so I reiterate: don't try this at home! The toaster caused the oily rag to ignite, setting the toaster top on fire. Immediately, one of the Sirs ran in with a fire extinguisher and put the flame out. "Not again! Will they never learn?"  
  
"It was the little guy, I saw him." Said Zim.  
  
"Argh, he denied it the last time too!" The Sir started to leave the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, would that fire extinguisher happen to be magnesium-based?"  
  
The mechanic checked the warning label on the extinguisher. "Why yes, yes it is. Why?"  
  
"Just asking." The mechanic nodded and left. Zim thought a moment. Magnesium based fire extinguisher…magnesium based fire extinguisher…how did that help him? His mind flashed back to one year ago, back to the server room at the Nickelodeon building. The janitor had said that magnesium and the cryogenic packing material did not mix well. And he just happened to have a coffee mug of the material with him. Zim smiled. He had just discovered his rocket fuel.  
  
He placed the crusty mug on the coffee rack, took out another rag, oiled it up, and stuck it back in the toaster, causing it to ignite. The same Sir from before ran in and put out the flame, a little of the spray hitting the chemical in the coffee mug. The mug started to flash and shake. Hearing the noise, another mechanic came in just in time to see the mug erupt off the rack, ricocheting off the walls, and sailing through the door. "What was that?!?"  
  
"Standard Nickelodeon cryogenic material."  
  
"Something that powerful could fuel…" The fire extinguisher-toting Sir's eyes lit up. "A rocket!" the two chorused.  
  
"If only we had more!" wailed the other Sir.  
  
"Well, I could score you a couple of truckloads if you're interested." Said Zim.  
  
Finally, the mechanics completed the structure, looking like a giant car engine, fan and everything, and placed the whole thing on the monorail track. Several chromed nozzles stuck out from the back. Hanging over the edge of the track, attached to the engine by a metal arm, was the gondola, with Zim and Rana inside. Gir was strapped to the middle of the engine, placed on a cushioned bed, so to speak. The mechanics watched from the platform eagerly as one of them approached carrying a torch that would ignite the rocket fuel. One of the Sirs stepped forward to say a few words to the slumbering Gir. "We shoot you now like an arrow into the wind. May you pierce the heart of the wind itself and drink the blood of flight."  
  
"Speed is the food of the Great Gir!" yelled one Sir.  
  
"Speed bring you life!" yelled another.  
  
"Come back to us someday!" yelled another. The torchbearer lit the engines, igniting them with a blue-white flame. As the slow sign waved back and forth, the rocket sled shot down the track, heading for Nick City.  
  
A few hours later…night had fallen, and the rocket sled was still going strong, the gondola shaking violently beneath it over the ocean. Yes, the ocean. The elevated rail traveled over the ocean itself to reach the employment office. Gir slumbered, warmed up, the two lovers tried to keep their balance. "Are you sure this thing will hold together?" yelled Zim over the roar of the rocket engines.  
  
"Uh, at least part of the way. Hey, look! We've already made it to Speedo Bottom!"  
  
Up on the sled, Gir finally chose to wake up, revived by the speeding vehicle. "Ohhhh…Master? MASTER?" He opened his eye cams, looking around him. "Master, where are you?" Gir started panicking. "MASTER?!? I'M FRIGHTENED!" Gir started struggling with the straps, shifting the engine's weight. He violently fought with the straps, damaging the sled and causing it to start malfunctioning. The sled wobbled and fell off the track, diving into the water beneath it, taking the gondola and the two Irkens with it. It was a very, very lucky thing that the gondola was airtight. Gir managed to detach the gondola from the rest of the sled, using his surprising strength to push the metal box all the way to Speedo Bottom, shoving it to land on the strip near Toto's place, just off the dock where the Big had once been. Before an angry Zima and Rana could reprimand Gir, the android said, "Ah, Speedo Bottom! What a town! Remember the glory days, Master?"  
  
"Yes Gir, but the glory days are over and there's nothing here for us, and the same will happen to you if you don't apologize for-"  
  
"Nothing here except maybe my beloved. I'll go check!" Before Zim could say anything else, Gir ran up the dock, rushing for where the Doom Wagon had been stored.  
  
"His beloved? He has a girlfriend here?" asked Rana.  
  
"Yes…and no." Suddenly, they heard Gir screaming. "Uh oh. We'd better go see what the problem is."  
  
They ran up the dock and made it to the shed where the Doom Wagon was stored. Gir had opened one of the big doors and was dancing around, upset. "Gir, what's wrong?" asked Rana.  
  
"Doomy! She's been…she's been…" Gir stammered, unable to say it.  
  
Zim walked a little into the shed and stopped, astonished. The Doom Wagon was sitting in the middle of the room, shut off. Starting a few inches from Zim's feet was the beginning of a long, very complicated trail of dominoes, put together to form a picture of a certain bigheaded boy. The trail ended right behind the Doom Wagon, where the dominoes went up a tiny staircase, each domino getting bigger, before finally ending with a huge domino. This domino was poised at the top of the stairs right above of a generic cartoon plunger detonator, the fuse leading right to a huge cache of dynamite stuffed into the main thruster. "Booby trapped!"  
  
"But by who?" asked Gir. Zim stared at him, finding it hard to believe Gir didn't see the obvious pattern the dominos made. "WHO?!?" Zim shook his head.  
  
He couldn't get near the detonator, because the slightest vibration would make the dominos tumble down, triggering the detonator and destroying the Doom Wagon along with most of the pier. "Okay Gir, don't panic…"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"I said, DON'T panic."  
  
"Oh, okay." Despite what he said, Gir looked very queasy at the thought of his beloved Doom Wagon in any danger, much the same way Zim would feel about Rana in a situation like this.  
  
Zim walked out of the shed and to Rana. "Dib's booby trapped the Doom Wagon."  
  
"But how? I saw him ripped to shreds!"  
  
"He must have done it on his last trip through town." He looked back at the trail of dominoes. "You might want to step back, in case it blows."  
  
She shook her head. "I'm with you to the end, you know that!"  
  
Zim sighed. "I know, I just don't want you to get hurt again because of me."  
  
"Zim, it's all right. I'll stay here and keep Gir from trying to get to the Doom Wagon, while you go into town and try to get help."  
  
"I don't see what kind of help could save the Wagon, but okay." Zim thought he should start his search at the pig track. He walked to the edge of the pier and saw that the extendable bridge was retracted. He pulled the lever, trying to make the thing work. He bridge shook and whined, but did not move. It was apparent that maintenance had gotten lax in the last eight months. He headed over to the bridge that would take him to the intersection. Once there, he checked his options. He could either go to the shipyards, the Blue Pod, or Velasco's home dock. From what he could see, the shipyard was totally empty, so he headed to Velasco's dock. He found nobody was there either. Velasco's house was locked up tight, the lights off. The shack where he used to sit on a stool whenever Zim visited him had nothing but the old stool and an empty bottle on a counter. Looking closer, Zim saw it wasn't empty at all. It contained a scale replica of the Massive. It was completed, but apparently abandoned. Zim picked it up and put it in his pod, thinking it might come in handy.  
  
He headed over to the Blue Pod to see if he could get any help there, maybe ride the elevator up to see what had happened to the Café Irkana. He was surprised to find that a gate had been placed over the elevator entrance, and the elevator itself was at the top of the shaft. A sign on the gate said, "Due to the new curfew, elevator operation ceases at sundown." Curfew? Who was running the town now? He went to the front of the Blue Pod and was surprised to find the doors were open. He walked inside. The nightclub was surprisingly empty. Nobody was there, but everything was all set up as if guests were expected. Zim started to walk to the kitchen, to Olivia's office, hoping he could find something useful. As he passed the door to Olivia's office, it burst open. Olivia was in the doorframe. "Zim!"  
  
"Olivia!"  
  
She shook her furry head, smiling sardonically. "Invader Zim. My, my, it's been a long time since we last saw each other, isn't it?"  
  
Zim slowly backed up. "Hey, if you're coming onto me, I should warn you that I already have a girlfriend."  
  
She shrugged. "Whatever. I heard you went POW in Zapato, baby!"  
  
"Yeah, well Emperor Bog tried and missed to sprout me. Now it's my turn. I'm going to Nick City."  
  
Olivia seemed surprised. "Zim, that city has changed a lot! I'd better come with you. Just let me get a few things." She walked back into the office, slamming the door behind her.  
  
"Okay, but if you hear any loud explosions anytime soon, the deal's off!" He got no response. Zim walked into the kitchen. He found something new, a big cask of something standing by the sink. It wasn't nearly as big as the wine casks from the High Roller's Lounge, but it was still bigger than he was. There was a label on it. "Gelatin. 3 step instructions. 1. Pour. 2. Chill. 3. Serve." Zim looked at the cask of gelatin for a few minutes, thinking carefully. He suddenly got a brilliant, though kind of strange, idea that would allow him to walk right on top of the dominos without setting them off. Taking the bottled ship, he attached the bottle to the tap and filled it with the gelatin. He then stowed it away and headed back to the pier. Nobody had really done anything since he had left. Good. He offered the bottle to Gir. "Here, try this, it might calm you down."  
  
Curious, Gir took the bottle, not seeing the ship inside because of the gelatin. "What's it called?"  
  
"Uh…Massive Mango."  
  
Gir doused the bottle in a few sips, haphazardly throwing it over his shoulder as he finished. "Hmmm…that was not bad. Not bad at all." He stood there for a moment, then grabbed Zim by the collar and pulled him down to his level. "YOU TELL ME WHERE YOU GOT THAT RIGHT NOW!"  
  
"Olivia's kitchen!"  
  
Gir released Zim and raced off to the Blue Pod, yelling "MASSIVE MANGO!"  
  
Rana stared after him. "I thought we were in a hurry."  
  
"Don't worry, this won't take long."  
  
Sure enough, Gir quickly returned, looking even queasier than before after drinking an entire cask of gelatin. "Ooohhh…my stomach doesn't stretch the way it used to…"  
  
Now for the next phase of the plan. "Hey Gir, what is that stuff they pack canned hams with anyway?"  
  
Holding his mouth, Gir rushed to the door of the shed and started spitting up the gelatin. Don't worry, this isn't the same as vomiting. Since he's a robot, he can't vomit anything solid because an internal furnace immediately destroys any food he eats. However, the liquids were kept in a tank until they were needed, or until something made a robot so sick that they were ejected from the body. And no, don't ask me why the spat up gelatin didn't knock over the dominos. Finally, Gir finished ejecting the entire contents of the cask from his body. He stood away from the door, looking a little better. "Ahhh…that's better."  
  
Zim walked into the door and found the results of his experiment had not quite worked. The gelatin now covered the floor of the shed, but it was liquefied, meaning the dominos couldn't fall over. It wasn't gelling. "Come on, gel! Zim commands you!" he yelled at the liquid.  
  
"Oh, it can't gel now." Said Gir. "It got all nice and warm in my belly." Zim remembered the instructions on the cask had said to chill the gelatin. Maybe if he could somehow cool down the liquid, it would gel? Of course, he would need something really cold to…that was it! He ran out of the shed, past Gir and Rana, heading down the pier and over to Toto's place. He remembered that Toto didn't just tattoo things, he scrimshawed bones and stuff. To make it easier to carve, Toto used liquid nitrogen on the bone to freeze it and make it more rigid. He always kept around a spare bottle or two. Climbing up then down into Toto's house, Zim saw it hadn't changed a bit. Toto was fast asleep in the cot at the back of the room, so Zim knew he had to be quiet. He carefully walked over to the cupboard, raised himself on spider legs, opened the cupboard, and pulled out a small bottle of liquid nitrogen. Prize in hand, Zim headed back to the shed. He walked inside and sprayed a little nitrogen onto the liquid. The liquid quivered and stood still, frozen as a block of gelatin. "Hey, good idea! I bet I can keep it down now that it's cold!" said Gir.  
  
"Just wait until I get out of the way, okay?" Zim walked across the gelatin, over the dominos. Walking around the Doom Wagon, he found that the dominos on the stairs were still free. If Zim wasn't careful, they could fall and still trigger the bomb. Carefully, Zim walked over to the dynamite- clogged thruster. Zim grabbed onto the main fuse that connected all the dynamite sticks together. He knew there was a chance the bomb would go off if he pulled the fuse out, but he had to try. Steeling himself, he ripped the fuse out of the dynamite. After a few tentative seconds, it was clear that he had defused the bomb. Allowing himself a grin, he called, "Rana, Gir, come back here and help me clear all this junk out of the primary thruster!"  
  
After cleaning out the Doom Wagon, Gir reactivated Doomy, who was every happy to have her lover back. Soon after, Olivia showed up and they drove off, Zim insisting on the top seat. After two days of driving at warp speed, they made it to the edge of the Petrified Forest. Zim was astonished at how much the city had changed. Even at night and at a distance, it was easy to distinguish. The whole place was lit up brighter than Las Vegas. "Ooh, pretty lights…" said Gir, drooling.  
  
"Love, please stop drooling on my dashboard, you'll ruin the finish." Said Doomy.  
  
"Bog must have taken over the whole town! See, there are big neon faces of him everywhere!" said Zim.  
  
"He hasn't had much resistance." Purred Olivia. There's only one small group that resists him, and they live out on the fringes of the city."  
  
As if on cue, maybe a dozen cartoons dressed in olive green berets and uniforms jumped out of hiding places, all pointing their guns at our heroes. As they rose their hands in the air, Rana said, "Places like this, you mean?"  
  
The revolutionaries led the group through a secret tunnel wide enough to accommodate the Doom Wagon, entering the city sewers. After a seemingly long trek, they reached a large chamber where they left Gir and Doomy and were escorted into what looked like a small control room. A familiar squirrel manned the computers as a guard watched over the three. There was a series of birdhouses around the room where a few pigeons were nested. One wall had a series of photographs of agents taped to it. "I hope they're not hurting Gir or Doomy…" said Rana.  
  
Olivia snorted. "Ha! Shows what you know about this group's leader. We have nothing to fear from these people."  
  
After a few minutes, a familiar figure walked through the door into the command center. Zim grinned in recognition. "Well, well, well. Patrick Star. Long time no see."  
  
The big pink starfish nodded. "Zim. We meet again. I see you have found what you were looking for." he said, looking at Rana for a moment. "How fortunate for you to arrive just as we, too, are about to achieve success. Our army has grown, and right now our top agents are in Bog's weapons lab, about to close in on the enemy in his own den. In mere moments, we will have secured the Sproutella manufacturing facility and will be able to gain suitable arms to finish off Bog. The war will be over, and we will have won. I couldn't have done it without you, Zim."  
  
Suddenly, a beetle stumbled through the door, flowers blooming all over him. "Trap!" He gasped. "It was a trap!" He fell to the floor, the flowers blossoming up his body.  
  
"Stand back! There is only one thing to do!" said Patrick. Running over to a fire axe, he grabbed it and ran back to the beetle, chopping into his carapace with the blade.  
  
As the others looked in shock and disgust, they were surprised when the upper part of the beetle's body, along with two arms and his head, hopped up. "Thank you, sir! You have saved me, but more than that, you have enabled me to continue to serve the movement!"  
  
"What was that you said about a trap?" asked Patrick.  
  
"Bog uncovered our agent in his weapons lab."  
  
Patrick's eyes widened. "No!" He ran over to a monitor on the wall, watching it. Zim ran after him, climbing up to get a good view.  
  
The picture wobbled slightly, indicating the camera was a small one worn by a person. It showed part of a room, with a window. Emperor Bog, a squat Martian with a few warts on his large skull and wearing some kind of lightweight armor with a belt that had a lot of gadgets on it, was angrily shaking a terrified purple hummingbird. "Lola, you idiot!" shouted Bog. "Your new lab assistant is a spy! Haven't you ever heard of a BACKGROUND CHECK?" Dropping the hummingbird, Bog pulled out a gun and shot the agent wearing the wire. The view shook and fell over as the agent collapsed onto a table, the view partially blocked by flowers.  
  
Zim and Patrick were taken aback. "What?" asked Zim.  
  
Patrick leapt into action. "There is little time and no time to explain it in. Now I have no choice but to take matters into my own hands, er, appendages..." As he turned to head for the door, Olivia blocked him.  
  
"Take me with you. I've longed to be of service to your cause for months." She begged.  
  
Patrick paused for a moment, then nodded. He turned to Zim. "My friend, I am sorry about this, but I must request your service once again. Bog's tower is right above these headquarters. If you can, find a way to stop the weapons production and defeat Bog. I know it's a lot to ask of you, but I am confident enough in your skills and bravery. I know that you can do it. Good luck, and Viva la Revolucion!" He walked over to the wall of photographs, ripped one down, and threw it in the wastebasket. Followed by Olivia, he left the room.  
  
Can Zim do it? Can he help bring down Bog? Find out next time… 


	9. The Insanity of Lola, The Return of Chow...

Here we are. The final chapter. The epic conclusion. I hope you all liked this fic.  
  
Zim and Rana were not completely sure what to do to help. Zim got an idea and turned to her. "Rana, I need to get up to Bog. I'll need a disguise so I can get close to him, and a gun so we'll have something to talk about when we get there."  
  
"If you figure out the gun part, I'll get you a disguise. Of course, it would be good if I knew where Bog's hideout is."  
  
"His casino tower is directly above these headquarters. There's a secret passage outside that'll take you there." Said Sandy.  
  
"Right, I'll meet you there." Rana said, walking out the door.  
  
"Hmm…volunteers quickly for dangerous service, intelligent, a good spirit…she could be of great aid to the cause." Said Sandy.  
  
"To me, she is the cause. Who was the guy whose photograph was just thrown away?"  
  
"That was our agent in Bog's lab, the guy you saw get sprouted on camera."  
  
Zim looked at all the pigeons and a thought occurred to him. "Hey, how were all the messengers you guys sent me able to find me no matter where I was?"  
  
"It's a cool ability we found out they had soon after hatching. All we have to do is give a pigeon a letter and show it a photograph of the guy we want to send it to and off it goes."  
  
"That is cool. Hey, whatever happened to Little Zim and Little Rana? Are they in here?"  
  
"No, they're on delivery right now. You know, it's kind of funny, but soon after hatching, they started mating with one another."  
  
"Heh, just like their namesakes."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Uh, nothing. Mind if I take a look at the cameras again?"  
  
"Knock yourself out."  
  
Zim looked through the same camera as before. The purple hummingbird Bog had berated before was now nervously tending some flowers. "Who's the bird?"  
  
"Remember Lola from Catdog?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You're looking at her."  
  
"What's she doing working for Bog?"  
  
"She's his Sproutella manufacturer. Of course, this is kind of a problem for her."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"She's a hummingbird. Hummingbirds fly around fields, pollinating flowers. They love flowers. Lola even got a side job as a florist before the takeover. But now her creations are being used to kill people. As a result, she is fairly…conflicted."  
  
"Why doesn't she make guns for our side?'  
  
"We've been trying to get to her for months, but her lab is in the tower above us. And you've already seen the result of our latest attempt to reach her."  
  
Zim suddenly got an idea of how to get Lola out of the tower. He took out the scary letter Bog has sent him and gave it to a random pigeon. He then went to the trashcan and fished out the photograph of the dead toon, and showed it to the pigeon. After memorizing the guy's face, the pigeon flapped its wings and took off, heading for the exit. "Go, fly, fly like the wind!" He went back to the monitor to watch what would happen next.  
  
The pigeon landed in the window behind Lola, looking around confusedly, trying to find its target. Lola did not see the bird and kept tending the flowers. A shadow appeared behind the pigeon, who did not notice. The shadow was that of a demon raven with an Irken head, which landed on the window ledge right behind the poor pigeon and immediately ate it, eagerly devouring the pigeon's flesh, and ended up with the note hanging from its bottom teeth. Hearing the noise of the pigeon's bones being cracked, Lola spun around. She got even more nervous. "One of Bog's messengers…with a m-m-message for me?" Flying over to the window, she pulled the note from the raven's mouth and read it. "'I know what you're up to. Stay there, I'm coming to sprout you myself! Yours truly, Emperor Bog.'" Lola gasped. "I knew it! I knew he was out to get me the whole time." Flying back to her worktable, Lola grabbed a gun and several canisters of Sproutella, shoving them all into a sack. She flew over to a poster on the wall. "You'll never find my secret hideout, Bog. You're going to have to find yourself another florist!" She flew through the poster, sliding down a tube and falling through a hatch and ending up in a chamber relatively close to the LTA headquarters. She flew down a passageway, not noticing that one of her cans had sprung a leak and was dripping a dilute trail of Sproutella behind her.  
  
Zim stepped away from the monitor. "Wow, that worked better than I had hoped!"  
  
"What did?"  
  
"I just scared Lola out of her wits and caused her to jump to somewhere down in the catacombs."  
  
Sandy stared at Zim in shock. "I don't believe it! You accomplish in only a few minutes what it's taken us months to try and fail at?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Patrick was right. You are worthy of the title of special agent." She went back to work.  
  
Zim thought he might need something to help him follow the trail of Sproutella. He noticed that the sprouted beetle corpse on the floor wasn't completely sprouted, one arm was still flower-free. Thinking it might come in handy, Zim pulled the arm from the body and stuffed it in his utility pod. Zim left the headquarters, ready to go looking for Lola. After climbing down a small ladder, he found himself in the eerie depths of the catacombs. He immediately ran into Gir and Doomy, who were parked right outside the headquarters entrance, and they were doing something weird. Gir seemed to be plugged into Doomy for some reason and was making strange sounds. "Gir, what are you doing?"  
  
"Ack!" said Doomy and Gir. They quickly retracted their cables. "Uh, nothing Master." Said Gir quickly.  
  
"Yeah, nothing." Said Doomy.  
  
Zim frowned. "Whatever. Just don't do whatever it is you're doing while I'm around, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Zim walked away from the car, finding himself in the large chamber Lola had dropped into. There was a small puddle of Sproutella on the floor, and a few drops scattered here and there leading into a side passage. Zim followed the drops and found himself at an intersection of many passages. The trail had vanished, so Zim wasn't sure which way to go. He sighed and turned around, hoping he would find a way to rediscover the trail later. He could try brushing the beetle arm against the floor, but then he would lose his only tool to finding the trail. Walking back into the main chamber, he saw a ladder leading to a passage high up the wall. Zim climbed up the ladder and found himself in a corridor. Halfway down the corridor was a set of stairs leading to a door marked, "Casino." Since Zim didn't have even part of a disguise yet, he knew he would have to wait to go in there. There was another ladder at the end of the corridor. He walked down and climbed up. He was surprised to find himself on the backstage of a theater. There were props lying around haphazardly, a hot plate with a pot of coffee, a small set of stairs leading to the dressing rooms, a ladder against the wall that led up to a snow making machine, and two figures leaning against the wall near the ladder, chatting. They were both lizards, and wearing ridiculous makeup and costumes. He walked over to the lizards. "Hi, what's going on here?"  
  
"Oh, we're the latest members of the Johnny Thunder Review." Said one of the lizards.  
  
"Where can I get makeup like that?"  
  
"Well, you would have to be a Thunderboy like us, wouldn't you?" said the other lizard.  
  
"Of course, it's too late for you to try out for a part, we just got the last two roles." Said the first lizard.  
  
"Better luck next season." Said the other. As Zim turned away, he heard the stupid lizards snickering at him. Zim knew he needed a disguise to get into Bog's hideout, and he thought makeup would be the first step. He needed a way to get rid of those two clowns. Fortunately, he had a plan.  
  
He grabbed the pot of coffee and climbed up to the catwalk with the snow maker. He poured the coffee through the slots in the catwalk, right above one of the lizards, melting his makeup. The lizard gasped. "You-you poured coffee on me!"  
  
"What? No I didn't!"  
  
"Don't deny it! You were trying to ruin my makeup, envious of my skill! And now you have! I'm ruined! How could you, after I took you under my wing?" The lizard ran off sobbing.  
  
The other followed him, yelling, "Wait, that's not it at all!"  
  
Chuckling, Zim went into the dressing room and immediately got his face covered in ugly makeup. Fortunately, it was easy to wipe off if he ever needed to. He would now be able to walk around without being recognized, but he wasn't ready to go to the casino. He still didn't have a gun. He was about to leave when he took another look at the big snow machine. Wanting to take a closer look, he climbed up the ladder. He saw that the machine was really more of a chute than an actual maker. The grinder that turned the chunks of Styrofoam into smaller bits looked handheld. Zim grabbed the handle of the grinder and picked it up. It was handheld. Zim suddenly realized he had his means to follow the trail of Sproutella using the beetle arm without wasting it. He stuck the arm into the grinder. Now, whenever he turned the thing on, it would grind up part of the arm and spit it out, causing the little flakes to land wherever he aimed them, hopefully revealing the trail of Sproutella. He put the object in his pod and climbed back down the ladder, then returned to the catacombs. He climbed all the way back down to the main chamber and walked down the passage, ending up at the intersection. Taking out the grinder, Zim ground up a little arm, spraying the chips in front of him. Nothing. He walked up to the entrance to each passage and tried again. Nothing happened, until he reached the last passage. The arm chips hit the ground and immediately turned green, little blossoms sprouting. This was the way to go! Unfortunately, the passage was too dark to venture down by himself. He would need some strong lights. And he knew just where to find them.  
  
After convincing Doomy and Gir to help him navigate the dark catacombs, they ventured down the tunnel, using the grinder and the Doom Wagon's headlights to follow the passage. Winding their way through the maze of passages and tunnels, following a trail of sproutella until they reached one long, large passage that led straight to what looked like a flower shop. It was out of place, but obviously Lola's hideout. "Hey Master, what's that?" asked Gir, pointing in the direction of the flower shop.  
  
"That must be the florist's hideout!"  
  
"No, I think my lover meant the thing coming right toward us." Said Doomy.  
  
"What thing coming right for us?" A giant albino crocodile loomed into view, roaring loud enough to shake the entire tunnel. "Oh, THAT thing. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zim ran behind the vehicle and climbed into the top chair where he would be safe. Gir quickly lowered a force field over the driver's seat, protecting him from the monster. The crocodile roared and charged, slamming into the Doom Wagon, trying to get to Zim, the only meat it could smell. "Doomy, quick, give me gun control!" the targeting display and triggers popped up in front of Zim.  
  
Aiming at the mouth of the crocodile, Zim fired the laser cannons at point blank, causing them to be propelled several feet backwards as the crocodile exploded, showering the Doom Wagon with green blood and chunks of skin. The force fields kept Zim and Gir from getting dirty, but the same cannot be said for Doomy. "Oh no! I'm indecent! Don't look at me!" she wailed.  
  
Gir got out of his seat. "Don't worry, I'll clean you!"  
  
"I'll just leave you two alone, okay? I've got stuff to do." Zim jumped down from the throne as Gir pulled cleaning supplies from a hatch in the side of the Doom Wagon. Gingerly stepping around the puddle of stuff that was all that remained of the crocodile, Zim walked up to the flower shop, noting that the flower baskets in the front windows were sprouted toons. Shuddering, he walked into the store. It looked just like a normal flower shop, except that all the displays had sprouted toons in them. It was eerie. What looked like a ball of tape was screwed to the wall in the doorjamb. There was a large stack of crates filled with Sproutella in the back of the room. Lola was hiding underneath the counter, quivering, her eyes darting over the place, keeping a tight grip on her gun. She started babbling something, hearing him come in. Zim kept quiet, wanting to hear what she said, hoping for any clues.  
  
"Bog? Bog, is that you? You'd better back off, man! I mean it, I'm not feeling too rosy! I'm having…I feel…I'm thinking I'd better…things are gonna change around here! Yeah, man…who, who, who do you think you're fooling? I love plants, is that so wrong? Plants are beautiful! You people, you think plants are death! Plants are life! You all, you're all death! You're all the same! If people were plants, the world would be a better place! I could make everybody into plants! I've got enough juice right here to turn the world GREEN! I've got half a mind to…I got half a mind…what? I didn't say anything of the kind? Where do you get off? What can I do to get you to take me seriously? I look at you and I see a garden waiting to happen! What you haven't seen, you haven't seen the MEADOW. You want to take a walk in the MEADOW, punk? And then he says to me, you'll get BENEFITS! I need to…that's not helping! Plants don't kill! You want life within death, Bog? Is that what you want? Everybody lies, even the bell! Ding ding! Can I help you, can I help you? CAN I HELP YOU! CAN I FRIGGIN' HELP YOU DING, DING, DING?! Would you like some baby's breath with that? The little bell told me, I'm a florist. I AM NOT A FLORIST! I AM A MANUFACTURER OF WEAPONS! It's like people, there are good plants and there are bad plants…DING! DING! You're going to drive me crazy! Tape your mouth shut, you're not gonna tell no more lies! I'll fertilize your short carcass! I'll take-what did you say?"  
  
Okay, Lola had obviously gone nuts. Carefully, Zim walked into sight of Lola. She looked very nervous, a wreck. He spoke calmly and quietly, as if to an animal. "It isn't Bog, it's me, Zim. Remember me? We both used to work for Nick? We had that cool party to celebrate my reinstatement after the first cancellation and you gave me that nice ficus?"  
  
Lola twitched, then mimicked a distorted version of what he had just said. "It isn't Bog, it's Zim come to sprout ya!"  
  
"Listen Lola, I'm not here to hurt you."  
  
"Listen Lola, I'm here to hurt you."  
  
"Look, I just need a gun so I can put Bog out of business."  
  
"Look, I need a gun…I need Bog…we're in business!"  
  
"Listen, I really need that gun…" Lola wasn't listening anymore. Had she ever been listening in the first place? He walked over to the crates of Sproutella and examined them. "Lots of Sproutella you got here."  
  
"Yeah, the good stuff too, not like that slow-acting fern food I left Bog." Seeing how unstable Lola seemed, Zim decided it would be a good idea to just take some Sproutella and leave. As he was about to open a crate, Lola flew out from the counter. "What are you doing?! Are you crazy?!? Get back!" She started pointing the gun at Zim. Frightened, he backed off. Lola flew back under the counter and wailed "Put your hands in the air, put your hands on your head, put your head in your lap!" Yes, Lola was definitely crazy. Zim looked at the ball of tape for a moment. Lola had said something about the bell telling her she was a florist, and she had taped its mouth shut. What if the ball of tape concealed the bell? If it rung, it might revert her to normal, or maybe semi-normal. Walking over to the door, he ripped off the ball of tape with a spider leg. The bell shook a little. Lola reacted. "Hey! You know what you just did? You just opened Pandora's Box, man! You get out right now or I'll let you have it, I'll…" Zim ran out of the store. He saw Gir had finished cleaning Doomy and they were doing the same thing they had before. Zim had a suspicion on what it was, and decided not to disturb them. He turned and reentered the store. The door swung, causing the bell to ring. "Oh! A customer!" Said Lola. She flew to the top of the counter, dropping her gun. "What can I get for you, stranger?"  
  
"Uh…I'm looking for something in a nine-millimeter."  
  
"Okay, here you go." Lola threw down a gun. "Would you like some baby's breath with that?"  
  
"No thanks."  
  
"Okay then, come again. And have a nice day, you hear me?" With a big, fake grin, Zim walked out the door, now with a gun.  
  
One trek back through the sewer later…The Doom Wagon parked where it had before. Zim got off. He had disposed of the grinder, having no more need of it and not wanting to desecrate the agent's arm any further. He headed to the ladder and the corridor, and from there went up the stairs to the casino. It was everything a casino should be: big, bright, loud, and with lots of stupid people wasting their money on rigged games and slot machines. To Zim's right was a bathroom, and further down the wall was a gold elevator door guarded by none other than Duwop the Martian. Zim walked past the gamblers and slot machines, heading for the elevator. He cleared his throat, getting the Martian's attention. "Excuse me, I need to pass through."  
  
Duwop shook his head. "Uh-uh. This elevator goes straight to Emperor Bog's penthouse office. Nobody goes in without an appointment."  
  
"I have an appointment."  
  
"Only important people have appointments with the Emperor."  
  
"I'm an important person!"  
  
"Then why are you wearing a parka?"  
  
"Uh…"  
  
"Come back when you get better clothes, Eskimo!"  
  
Grumbling, Zim walked away. He needed a disguise more than ever now, a nice suit of some sort. He looked out among the crowd of people, trying to spot someone he could beat up and steal their clothes from. And that's when he saw a familiar mackerel pulling away at a nearby slot machine. Chowchilla Charlie. What was he doing here? He noticed Charlie was wearing a nice suit, though it was a bit small. Seriously, Charlie was actually a little shorter than Zim. Zim could easily beat up Charlie and take the suit, but the problem would be pulling him away from the slot machine, he looked really determined. Zim then noticed somebody standing behind Charlie, holding a bed sheet and looking a bit frustrated. She kept tugging on Charlie's shoulder, but he kept ignoring her. It was Rana! She had ditched the parka and was in her old uniform, which made her look even sexier to his eyes. He ran over to her. "Rana, what are you doing here?"  
  
Rana blinked at him a second, not recognizing him because of the makeup. But she looked in his eyes for a moment, and recognition sparked. "Zim, that's some makeup!"  
  
"Thanks. What are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm trying to get you your disguise. I've convinced Charlie to accompany me to a toga party at the Romano Casino, but he refuses to leave until he wins on one of the slot machines."  
  
"Well, what are the odds of him winning?"  
  
"I've analyzed these slot machines. The odds of any of them paying off are 1,000,000:22."  
  
He whistled. "That's ridiculous. Bog is one evil sonofabitch."  
  
"Got that right. I know how to make Charlie win, but I can't do it while he's sitting here. But now that you've arrived, I can put my plan into action." She handed Zim the bed sheet. "Here, throw this on Charlie and hold him tight while I fix the machine."  
  
"Why couldn't you do this before I showed up?"  
  
"Because somebody needs to hold him while he's blinded. I can't do that and fix the machine at the same time, now can I?"  
  
"Good point."  
  
Zim threw the bed sheet over Charlie. "Huh? What's going on? Is that you, young lady?" he asked. As he struggled to get out of the sheet, Zim grabbed onto him, pulling the mackerel off the stool in front of the machine. Rana crawled beneath the seat and pushed open the payoff door, inserting her spider legs into the machine. As she fiddled with the mechanisms, the slot wheels started turning until all three of them had faces of Bog on them, indicating a big win. The payoff bin filled with coins. Rana retracted the spider legs and got out of the way. Zim freed Charlie and got out of view. Charlie shook his head and chuckled at Rana, who had positioned herself behind him again. "Young lady, I told you I would come with you when I win, you don't have to trap me." He got on the stool and saw the slots lined up. "Yes! Yes! I did it! I told you my system would pay off!" He picked up the cash. "Shall we go, then?" he asked to Rana, who put on a fake smile. She couldn't stand to even be near this sleaze bag.  
  
She led him to the bathroom and gave him the bed sheet to change into. Zim met her outside the bathroom door. "He should leave the suit in one of the stalls, all you have to do is get it, go upstairs, and confront Bog."  
  
"Right, I'll meet you at the monorail station with the tickets. There won't be one for me since I'm a star, not a new person like you, so you'll have to go by yourself."  
  
"Don't worry, I'll tell that Gatekeeper everything. I'll make him help us!"  
  
Zim paused. "You're not falling for Charlie, are you?"  
  
She scowled. "What? What makes you think that?"  
  
"Nothing, I just-"  
  
"You're not jealous of him, are you?"  
  
"What? Of course not!"  
  
"Then why do you think I might be falling for him?"  
  
"Well, because you're basically convincing him to strip to a bare sheet and take you to a party."  
  
"The instant we're away from the casino, I intend to beat him up and leave him in a Dumpster. Satisfied?"  
  
"Well, I would prefer you filet him, but a Dumpster's fine."  
  
She smiled and leaned close. "You didn't really think I would go for another toon, did you? After all, you are the only one for me, Zim…"There was a moment of hesitation, and the two Irkens were kissing. At that moment, they could hear Charlie's flippers slapping the tiled floor of the bathroom. "Uh oh! Quick, hide!"  
  
Charlie walked out of the bathroom, wearing only a toga that looked ridiculous on him. "Shall, we, my sweet?" he asked, offering a fin. Hiding a look of revulsion, Rana took it. "The Romano awaits. And when we get there, I have another infallible system I'd like to show you." They walked off, hand in hand, er, fin.  
  
Zim walked into the bathroom. A few minutes later, he came out wearing Charlie's pinstripe suit over his uniform. That made for an even tighter fit, unfortunately. Stiffly, he walked over to Duwop. "Excuse me, I'm a very important person who has an appointment with Emperor Bog."  
  
Even though he was supposed to let him through, Duwop didn't want to lose this conflict so easily. "If you have an appointment, then you must know a few personal things about my boss."  
  
"What kind of logic is that?"  
  
"My logic! Answer this question correctly, and you may pass. What are the odds in a million of any of these slot machines paying off?"  
  
Zim grinned. This was an easy question. "22."  
  
Duwop was taken aback. "Well, okay, but that's just ONE question…here's another-"  
  
"Uh-uh, you said I could pass if I got the question right."  
  
"Yes, but it was an easy one-"  
  
"Hey, don't mess with me man, I know Emperor Bog." Reluctantly, Duwop let him through. Zim went up the elevator and found himself in a small waiting room with a monogrammed floor depicting Bog's ugly face. A well-dressed couple of dogs were sitting in some chairs, arguing. Ignoring them, Zim walked over to the golden doors of Bog's office and knocked on them.  
  
One of the doors creaked open and Bog, who was only a little taller than Zim, peeked out. "Ah Mr. Lemans, I knew you would…what? Who are you?"  
  
Reaching into the pod for his gun, Zim said, "I'm Inv-" Bog growled and slammed the door shut. "Well, that could have gone better."  
  
"I'm sorry if the Emperor is in a grumpy mood, but he's angry at us because we can't make up our minds over the tickets." Said the well-dressed toon.  
  
Zim looked at the couple, who were obviously rich and intending to buy Mega Rail tickets. Zim didn't know if they were good or not, but he saw he could use them to get to Bog. If he managed to convince them to buy the tickets, Bog might trust him long enough for Zim to sprout him. He walked over. "Hi, I'm Bog's agent. He sent me out here to answer your questions."  
  
The wife started to ask something, but the man silenced her. "Hush, my dear. I'll handle this. Now, what can you tell me about these Mega Rail tickets?"  
  
Zim thought he should try honesty, just in case. "It's a scam. The tickets are counterfeit. Take your money and run."  
  
"Hohoho! Your reverse psychology can't work on me, my friend!"  
  
With that out of the way, Zim tried more persuasive sales techniques. "The tickets are worth a mint because they save you a mint."  
  
"Well I don't have a mint, so what's the difference?"  
  
"Don't you think you're worth these tickets?"  
  
"I know we're worth it, but are the tickets worth it?"  
  
Zim tried several other sales pitches, all of them flopping. Desperate, he tried one last ploy. "Enough about you guys, let me tell you about my problems."  
  
They got edgy. "Well, actually, we still have a lot of talking to do so-"  
  
"This makeup feels horrible to my pores."  
  
"Yes, but it brings out your string chin."  
  
"I don't have a chin."  
  
"Oh, never mind then."  
  
"I can't lift my arms in this suit."  
  
"Then you'd better hope nobody pulls a gun on you tonight, eh?" The dog joked.  
  
Zim sighed. He had one last ploy. "I just got back from the worst vacation I've ever had."  
  
"Actually, we just got back from quite a trip ourselves."  
  
"Sure, you've seen flying spiders and flaming beavers, but trust me, it gets much worse!"  
  
"It does?" asked the man, surprised.  
  
"You'd better believe it! I've been to the edge of the world and back…"  
  
Some time later, Zim had finished telling them a paraphrased version of his journeys through Nickworld, of falling into the water from a high cliff, of nearly getting shot to death by gangsters, of nearly being blown up in a boat, of nearly being eaten by sea monsters, of nearly falling into a near- bottomless abyss, of nearly getting ripped to shreds, and of almost freezing to death and being eaten by Yetis. When he was finished, the dogs were quite amazed. "I had no idea the Land of the Nicktoons was so fraught with peril!" said the male, impressed.  
  
"Now, how much would you pay to skip the whole thing altogether?"  
  
The man nodded. He looked to his wife. "Come darling, let us go blow our nest egg together." They got out of their seats and knocked on Bog's door. A moment later he peeked out. "Mr. Bog, we have decided to take you up on your generous offer."  
  
Bog looked very pleased. "Ah, I knew you would come around! The little lady changed your mind, eh?" asked Bog as he opened the door wider so the dogs could step into his office.  
  
"Actually, it was your agent out there." Said the female dog, pointing to Zim.  
  
Bog started, surprised. "Wha-er-um-uh-oh yes, he's, uh, one of my best." Bog shut the door.  
  
Zim patted himself on the back. "Yup, I've still got it."  
  
A few moments later, Bog peeked out of the office door again. "Listen, I don't know who you are or what spell you've cast over the Lemans couple, but stick around. There's something across town I'd like to show you later that may be worth your while."  
  
Later, across town… Bog had taken Zim to none other than the Nickelodeon building. The place was closed for the night, but Bog was able to get himself and Zim inside. As Bog led Zim through the corridors of the first floor, he was constantly talking, trying to convince Zim of something. "Am I talking about just a job here? Or am I talking about opportunity, in the general sense. We've had a lot of openings in this office over the last couple of months, and frankly we've had trouble filling them. I could really use a closer like you on the team." Bog approached an office near the end of the hall and opened it, beckoning Zim inside. After a moment, he realized that he had been taken to his old office. "This could be your office." He headed over to a combination-locked cabinet that Zim did not remember ever having. As Bog started punching in the combination, Zim began to wipe off the makeup and take off the suit, leaving him in only his old uniform for the first time in a while. "You could star on your own show, or costar on one of the others. And as an added bonus…" Opening the cabinet, Bog took out the only content and turned around to show it to Zim. It was a very familiar-looking briefcase. Bog opened the suitcase, revealing the slightly vibrating golden Mega Rail tickets. "Two percent of these, Mr. Uh…what was your name again?"  
  
Zim pulled out his gun and pointed it at Bog's head, surprising the villain. "My name's Zim, and I want a bigger cut."  
  
While closing the suitcase in front of him, Bog secretly pushed a button on his belt, activating a beacon. He chuckled, knowing he had to distract Zim for a few minutes. "Oh, but Zim…I'm going to be needing most of these to get myself out of this world."  
  
Zim knew he should just shoot Bog and get it over with, but his curiosity got the better of him. "What do you mean?"  
  
"This world is fine for now, but I intend to move onto bigger things, bigger places. The real world in particular."  
  
"How are the tickets supposed to help you get to the real world?"  
  
"I plan to use them to blackmail the Gatekeeper. He is the one who opens the portals from this one to others, and is the only toon that can get me to the real world."  
  
"How can the tickets be used as blackmail?"  
  
"I've stolen from a lot of innocent toons over the years, Zim, forcing them to either walk all the way to the employment office or give up entirely. Now, wouldn't it be a crying shame if some nasty person burned all the tickets to ashes?"  
  
Zim's purple blood chilled. "But what about those who do walk all the way? Won't they still get the jobs?"  
  
"The Gatekeeper is bound by the rules set in place by the company, as am I in a sense, even though I now control Nickelodeon. He can only let a toon get employed if he or she gets there in the way they were meant to. If a toon was destined for a ride on the Mega Rail but never receives their ticket, then when he or she gets there the Gatekeeper denies them employment. If I destroy the tickets, they'll never get their rightful jobs."  
  
Zim tightened his grip on the gun, finding himself more furious at this Martian than he had felt with Dib. This despicable being had twisted the lives of hundreds, no, thousands of people to get what he wanted. Many had died because of this one being. So many had had their destinies stolen by this one toon of unspeakable evil. "I'm going to deliver those tickets to their rightful owners…and I'm going to deliver you to the compost pile." He started to pull the trigger…when suddenly, a demon raven smashed through one of the windows, screeching. Panicking, Zim fired at the monster bird, sprouting it. When he turned around, he saw Bog had leapt out the other window and was running along the decorative ledge around the side of the building, still carrying the suitcase. Zim jumped out the window and ran after him. Bog turned a corner, almost falling off. He stopped, then pulled out a strange device from his belt. Aiming at a lower skyscraper, he squeezed the device, firing a cable at the building. The end of the cable was very sticky, and latched onto the rooftop of the building. As Zim got closer, Bog anchored the device to the ledge and leapt onto the cable, grinding down its length. (For those of you who don't know what grinding is, it's the art of riding down a rail or cable on a skateboard or with certain shoes. It's very dangerous to do if you're not a skilled professional. And unfortunately, it seems Bog is one.) Zim reached the cable in time to see Bog slide down it. Zim had normal boots, which would certainly not help him here. He extended two spider legs, forming a sort of loop over his head, and jumped off the ledge. His robotic limbs wrapped around the cable, allowing him to slide precariously down it. As he picked up speed, approaching Bog, the Martian reached the end of the cable, jumping onto the rooftop and running across it. This building happened to have one of those big motorized kicking ladies on it, and had a skyscraper of equal height right next to it, but not close enough to jump to. The lady's kicking leg was pretty close to the other skyscraper. Running across the roof, Bog jumped to the leg when it was as its lowest point, trying to rid it close to the other side. As the leg started reaching the top of its swing, the motor started to spark. The leg wasn't supposed to support any weight on it, and that included heavy-set Martians with suitcases. Bog threw the suitcase to the other roof, landing it safely. Just as he prepared to jump, the motor gave out and the leg came crashing back down to its lowest point. Bog lost his grip and fell to the street below. Zim ran over to the kicking lady. He saw a ladder leading up one of the metal supports behind the lady itself. With that, he could climb up and see if he could still get to the other side. At the top, he concluded that he couldn't. The leg was too low. If he could somehow get the lady to lose her support somewhat, the entire structure might tilt, allowing Zim to slide across to the tickets. He climbed back down and looked for anything that could help him. He saw that a gargoyle sticking out of the edge of the roof was supporting one of the lady's arms. Zim ran over to it and saw that the gargoyle already had a large crack in it from the weight of the arm. Getting his idea, Zim wedged his spider legs into the crack and started wiggling, widening the crack. The gargoyle and the lady started to lean a little. With one last shove, Zim managed to break the gargoyle's head off. With nothing to support her arm, the neon lady fell over, her leg now in the perfect position to get to the tickets. Climbing up the ladder, Zim slid down the showgirl's leg, making a leap and safe landing to the next rooftop, where the suitcase was lying, just begging to be collected.  
  
Later…Zim opened the suitcase. The tickets shook as one of them, placed deeper into the suitcase, leapt out and flew into Rana's hand. "That one must be yours." Said Zim, stating the obvious. Zim, Gir and Rana were standing sat the bottom of the steps leading into the monorail station. Zim closed up the suitcase and handed it to Rana. "I'll wait here for you. By the time you get back, Bog will be gone for good, I'll get my show back, and we can truly stay together, with you on the show."  
  
"You don't think the fall killed him?"  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"No, not really." She thought for a moment. "Zim, before I leave, I want to thank you for everything you've done for me, for everyone. You are truly a great person."  
  
"No I'm not."  
  
"Yes you are!" chirped Gir.  
  
"Anyway, let me give you a sample of what you're gonna get when I return…"  
  
As Gir shielded his eyes, Zim and Rana had a passionate farewell kiss. Once it was over, Rana walked away, a little sad. As she went up the escalator, Gir called after her. "Don't forget to send for help! And tell those other Sirs I said hi! And bring me back a present!"  
  
Rana got off the escalator and walked over to the ticket booth. She could see the figure of the ticket master in the booth. As she approached, she suddenly noticed that the window of the booth was broken. This was the last thought to register as the figure in the booth, one of Bog's ravens, leapt out and attacked. Surprised, she screamed for help. Gir quickly ran up the escalator, Zim after him. As Rana swatted at the demon bird with the suitcase, it flew out of her hands and sailed into Zim, knocking him off the escalator and onto the sidewalk. As Gir assaulted the raven, trying to get it with his laser vision, Zim picked up the tickets and started for the stairs when a car drove up to the curb. The front window rolled down, revealing Olivia. "Get in, quick!"  
  
Not sure what was going on, Zim opened the back door and jumped into the car, which started driving away. "We were supposed to have coverage back there! Where are all of Patrick's men?"  
  
"I don't know. He hasn't told me yet." Said Olivia, throwing an object back into the seat next to Zim's.  
  
Zim looked at the object and felt sick. It was Patrick's head. He felt even sicker when the head said, "Hello, Zim."  
  
Zim gaped. "Patrick…what…how…you're a head…alive?"  
  
Patrick coughed, which was surprising since he no longer had lungs. "If a starfish loses a limb, the limb stays alive for a while."  
  
"But this is your head."  
  
"Yeah, but it's really just the fifth arm of the starfish that my creator drew a face onto. The principle is still the same."  
  
"How did this happen?"  
  
"We were ambushed by Bog's men. Olivia betrayed us."  
  
"What?!?"  
  
"It's true, hon." Said Olivia.  
  
"But-but why?"  
  
"After I dumped Max a few months back, I signed up with Bog. Since I'm supposed to be a beatnik and revolutionary supporter, nobody suspected me."  
  
"Where are you taking me?"  
  
She cocked a sprouting gun. "You'll see. But on the way there, no talking or I shoot you, despite Bog's orders to bring you to him alive." Zim gulped.  
  
After a fairly short drive from the city along a country road, the car pulled into a stop on a dirt road in the middle of a huge meadow taking up about an acre of land, full of flowers. The road turned into a path that led up a big hill to what looked like a greenhouse. A large pipe led from the greenhouse to a big rusty tank of water, supplying the plants in the greenhouse with life. Olivia got out of the car. "Come out, and leave your pod and the tickets behind." Since she kept the gun pointed at him, Zim didn't have much choice. Leaving the suitcase in the car and taking off his utility pod, he got out of the car. He looked around at the meadow, surprised by how many flowers there were and how there seemed to be no grass. Then he realized what this place really was.  
  
"All these flowers…people Bog has sprouted?!?" Zim asked in shock. The entire acre was covered with flowers, and there were plenty of hills so that increased the total surface area by a huge amount. If the entire area was covered with people that Bog had killed personally…Zim felt sick again.  
  
"Hey, when you're on top like my boyfriend Bog is, you get a lot of enemies." She motioned her gun at the greenhouse. "Get moving. He's waiting in there."  
  
Zim frowned, not budging. "You know, you really have bad taste in men."  
  
"No, I have a taste for really bad men. There's a difference. Now move it or you'll be joining the rest of the people here. Of course, you'll be doing that anyway."  
  
Zim walked away from the car, heading up the long dirt path. He took note of the water tank feeding the greenhouse as he walked up. He finally reached the doors. Apprehensive, he opened the doors. The greenhouse had lots of tables with more growing flowers on them, each of them a sprouted individual. The sprinklers were on full blast, enriching the plants and making a sort of mist in the room. Since he could not generate a force field, Zim stayed in the entrance, where it was safe. Bog was only a few feet in front of him, pulling petals off a daisy. "She loves me…she loves me not…"  
  
"Well, you're half right." Said Zim.  
  
Looking up, Bog threw the daisy to the floor, squashing it with his boot. He shook his head, chuckling. "Oh Zim…so cynical…what happened to you, Zim, that caused you to lose your sense of hope, your love of life?"  
  
"Well, let's see. I was fired, given the shaft for years, forced to go through a dangerous forest, nearly fall to my death, ventured into the ocean several times, got my jaw nearly broken by Dib, almost lost the woman I love, was forced to trek through an arctic wasteland fraught with Yetis, nearly got ripped to pieces by coral crushers, and you tried to sprout me a lot. Oh, did I forget to mention almost getting eaten by an albino crocodile?"  
  
"I see, hm-hmm, I guess Dib was right, you don't have a shred of optimism."  
  
Zim couldn't help making a joke. "Well, when it comes to shreds, Dib is the expert."  
  
"And by that same logic, Zim, you're about to become an expert in botany." He turned his back to the Irken.  
  
"Is this where you explain your motives and secret plan to me like any generic villain would? How you stole Mega Rail tickets from innocent souls, pretended to sell them but really hoarded them all for yourself in an attempt to get out of Nickworld, and more importantly, why you want to get out of Nickworld?"  
  
"No." said Bog, whipping around with a gun and shooting Zim with a single bullet, right in the chest. Zim gasped and ripped the bullet out, but it was too late. The bullet had already injected the lethal chemical into his body. "This is where you writhe in excruciating pain for about an hour because that bimbo Lola ran off with all the fast-acting Sproutella. This slow stuff WILL sprout you, but it's going to take a long time, I'm afraid to say, and hurt a million times worse than it would with a normal dose of Sproutella." Zim staggered, the pain already wracking his body. Half- stumbling, half-running, Zim made it out the door, going down the hillside. Bog looked out after him. "Zim? Where are you going? You've got some time, you know, before you have to…leave. Hahaha! Get it? Leave! Hahaha!"  
  
Too busy hurting to pay attention to Bog's bad jokes, Zim staggered forward a few steps, trying to reach the car, until it became too much. A single bluebell grew from the spot where the bullet had hit him. And then the pain really began. Unable to even scream, Zim stumbled, falling on his back amidst the flowers, atop the dead, soon to join them, another member of Bog's collection. Zim lay on the ground gasping, finding it hard to breathe. He tried to move, and found he could not. I cannot even begin to describe the pain he was experiencing, only that it was so bad he wished he could die just to stop the pain. If only he had his pod! He still had the bottle of liquid nitrogen from Toto's, one spray and the flower and the roots digging through his flesh and bones would be gone. But it was in his pod, and he would never reach it now. As Zim lay there, his mind reeling and threatening to shut down utterly from the pain, Zim seemed to be teetering on a line between life and death. He was ever so slowly leaning towards death. As he was about to fall, a voice rang out in his head, startling him and regaining his balance. The voice was his own, that of his conscience. Hey! What do you think you're doing?  
  
I'm dying, what does it look like I'm doing?  
  
You can't just up and die! What would everyone think? What would Vasquez think?  
  
Who cares? Just make it stop…  
  
You are the only one who can stop the pain. Take control, rip the flower and the roots from your body before they spread to far!  
  
I can't. I'm so weak.  
  
That's the Sproutella talking! Pull out the flower!  
  
I can't…  
  
DO IT!  
  
I already told you, I can't!  
  
What kind of talk is that for a soldier, for an Invader?  
  
I'm not an Invader, I just play one.  
  
Bullshit! Could any regular Irken have done what you have accomplished? Look at everything you've done! You allowed Gir to find somebody he loves. You got to Rana before Dib did, putting off her capture and setting the scene for her rescue. You helped the LTA take root, giving them the power they needed to stand up to Bog. You became owner of a nightclub, captain of a ship. You allowed the Seabees to get better rights and a more fair union. You avenged Laura's death, sort of. You survived the depths of the ocean, the most hazardous environment to our kind, at least half a dozen times! You regained Rana's trust and freed all the poor people Dib and Bog had imprisoned on that desolate atoll. You killed Dib, saving all of those people again. You took them all the way to the employment office, where they are now, still waiting for their tickets. You saved Gir's life. You freed Lola from Bog's clutches. You recovered the tickets from Bog and almost defeated him. You earned the love of the woman you were destined for. No ordinary cartoon could have done all this. Do you think Tak, Tenn, Skoodge, Laars, Spleem, or even Red and Purple could have done this well? You have truly earned the title of Invader, Zim. You are Vasquez's ultimate creation, and you're just going to let some lousy CGI Martian from a crappy show kill you? You have too much to live for! What about all the fans, who are constantly mourning your second cancellation and the news that you will never be aired again, not even in reruns? What about Gir, who will never see his Master again if you just give up? What about Patrick, who put so much faith and trust in you? What about Laura, watching from the heavens? How do you think she would feel about you quitting when you wouldn't stop for her? What about the cast from the show, who looked up to you because they thought you were so cool? What about Dib, laughing away at this down in Hell? Do you want him to get any pleasure from your pain? What about the people you freed, the ones waiting at the employment office? Do you want them to lose hope and eventually fade away, never receiving their tickets and depriving the viewers of good shows? What about Rana, who loves you more than life itself and is worrying over you right now? Do you want to break her heart?  
  
No…no, no!  
  
Then do it! Pull out the slarking flower! Fight the poison, get up, and take down Bog! Avenge all the people who you are lying on top of right now! Avenge Patrick! Avenge Laura! Avenge everyone who has died because of Bog! Do it for her!!!!!!  
  
Zim lifted an arm, clutching the flower, shaking from the pain. He gripped the flower with his claw and started pulling. The pain got a thousand times worse. Biting his serpentine tongue, Zim pulled, trying to ignore the warning signals from his brain. With a battle cry, he ripped the flower, roots and all, from his chest. The scream echoed throughout the meadow, causing the villains to chuckle, thinking they had finally won. Panting and taking deep, ragged breaths, Zim threw the flower away. He grasped his chest, which was bleeding from the hole caused by pulling out the flower. Trying to staunch the purple flow, he got to his feet. The wound hurt, but it felt like a mere cut compared to the flower that had been growing in him. Feeling better, he walked towards the car, not sure why, but knowing he had to get there. He got to the car and saw Olivia was behind the trunk, sorting through the case of tickets. "Come on, I know one of you must be mine. Shake it, baby!" Zim shook his head in disgust at the feline. Moving quietly, he looked into the open door of the backseat, hoping his pod was in there. It wasn't. Patrick's head was, though, still alive for the time being.  
  
"Patrick?" he whispered quietly.  
  
Patrick groaned and opened his eyes. "Zim…I heard the scream…I thought you were dead…"  
  
"No, but Bog came pretty close."  
  
"I see you are hurt. Zim, listen carefully. There are medical supplies and a gun in the trunk. The keys are in the ignition. Use them to fix yourself up and take down Bog once and for all. And please…tell Sandy that she will make a good leader for the LTA and that I am sorry we could not be together in this lifetime."  
  
"Right!"  
  
"I am also sorry to say that this is the last time we shall speak, Zim. For when I bite this explosive tooth filled with Sproutella, the resulting spray will sprout me and hopefully my enemy."  
  
"Your enemy? What do you-"  
  
"Hey, what's going on there?" asked Olivia, getting up.  
  
"Farewell, my friend!" Patrick said.  
  
Olivia walked over, gun pointed at Zim, motioning him away from the car. "What were you talking about with the 'head' of the LTA here?" Still pointing the gun at Zim, she pulled Patrick's head from the car and leered over it. "What's wrong, Pat? Got something you want to say to the rest of the class?"  
  
"Only one thing…Viva la Revolucion!" Patrick bit down on the tooth, spraying Olivia and himself with Sproutella.  
  
Olivia screamed and dropped Patrick and the gun as the begonias started blooming from her face. Screeching, she ran into the meadow, clawing at her face until the flowers overtook her and she fell, dead. Patrick was already just another patch of flowers by the time he had hit the ground. Zim clenched his fists, shedding a tear. He went to the front seat, sliding in and reaching for the ignition. He paused for a second, thinking. He could leave right now. The tickets were just behind the car, all he had to do was pick them up, get in the car, and drive back to the city, leaving this place of death behind. They would board the Mega Rail, give the tickets to the Gatekeeper, and get help. He could do it right now. He could just turn the keys and not look back. He grabbed the keys and pulled them from the ignition. He was not going to run away. As his conscience had said, he was an Invader, for real or not. And a soldier never left a mission uncompleted. Bog was going to get it. He was going to pay for everything he had done. He unlocked the trunk. Inside was a first aid kit, a gun, and a lot of ammo. After using the first aid kit to patch himself up, Zim loaded the gun. He only needed one more thing before he confronted his foe. He walked over to the suitcase and closed it, grabbing his utility pod, which Olivia had taken out of the car with the case. He put the pod in place, feeling slightly reassured, as it was one with him once again. He looked at the gun in his hand. He was NOT going back into the greenhouse. But he was a little too scared to shoot through the glass with either the gun or with his spider legs, for fear of missing and getting shot at with another dose of Sproutella. His eyes fell on the tank of water. And he saw Bog's downfall right before him. He walked over to the tank and fired five bullets into it, sending the Sproutella through the pipe and into the sprinklers, hopefully showering Bog with the deadly substance. A moment later, he could hear screams from the greenhouse, getting louder and louder for several seconds before finally stopping altogether. Knowing he had to check to make sure he was really dead, Zim walked up the path to the greenhouse. As he prepared to open the doors, he readied his gun, just in case. He reached for the knob…suddenly, there was some kind of explosion from inside, showering the glass doors with red, green and yellow liquid, along with a bunch of leaves. Backing away from the doors, Zim saw a mass of plants ease a little way through the doors, stopping. The mass was wearing a high-tech belt. Zim through down the gun and walked away. The Emperor was dead. Long live the Emperor.  
  
The next day…The Mega Rail rocketed down the track, approaching the employment office. As the slow sign started swinging back and forth, the Gatekeeper woke up from his nap, seeing the approaching train. He sighed, expecting another round of bad people. So it was a great surprise to him when the monorail pulled into the station, otherwise known as waiting area one. Within moments, Gir, Rana, and Zim were standing before the Gatekeeper with the suitcase. Zim opened it, letting the golden glow shine out. "Here they are, the missing tickets." Said Zim.  
  
"You can count them if you want, they're all there." Added Rana.  
  
"They glow like a moose!" yelled Gir. Everyone stared at him. "Uh, I'll go play with the mechanics, 'kay?" He ran down the stairs.  
  
The Gatekeeper accepted the suitcase. "Excellent. I will make sure the ones belonging to those scattered about the land receive their tickets. Rana, you and the others from waiting area two may get your jobs now." Smiling, Rana walked into the station again. The former miners and the children would pass through a separate door. The Gatekeeper looked down at Zim. "Zim, I perceive that you have changed since last you were here. You seem stronger, surer of yourself. Tell me, how are things now that Bog is dead?"  
  
"How do you know this…never mind. Things have gone extraordinarily well. The company has been restored to its former glory under the leadership of a new owner/president/CEO. All the cancelled shows (except for stupid ones like Ren and Stimpy) have been restored and will get new episodes, the bad shows like As Told By Ginger and Rocket Power have been cancelled, along with Butt Ugly Martians. My show is back in production, and a new episode will be airing this Friday. The fans will be thrilled. Bog's weapons manufacturer is in serious therapy, but she'll be fine. The Lost Toon's Alliance has become the subject of a new show, but I can't tell you about it or I'll spoil it for you. A memorial is being put up for Patrick and all the others who have died because of Bog. Gir is getting married."  
  
"Oh really, to who?" the mouse asked interested.  
  
"His car."  
  
"His car?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, what about yourself? Where is your relationship with Rana going?"  
  
"Well, I'm not sure how it will be for the shows, but off the set…well, let's just say we'll be mimicking Gir soon enough."  
  
"Will I get invited to the wedding?"  
  
"When I get around to planning it. Oh, by the way, I have an order for you. When somebody asks you an important question, don't give a strange, confusing answer."  
  
The Gatekeeper chuckled. "Well, I would except you're not my boss and can't give me orders."  
  
Zim grinned. "Who says I'm not?"  
  
The Gatekeeper stopped laughing. "Come again?"  
  
"When I said the company was under the leadership of a new person, I didn't say who the person was."  
  
The Gatekeeper paled, which was quite a sight to see considering he was already white of fur. "You-you don't mean…" Zim smiled and nodded. "YOU?!?"  
  
A klaxon sounded. The monorail was ready to leave. Zim quickly got Gir and boarded the train with Rana and the others, leaving the stunned Gatekeeper behind. As the three sat in a private compartment, a cheerful mood filled the air. Gir was happy because he always found trouble being sad thanks to his defective programming, he was on a vehicle with a really cool engine, and he was getting married to Doomy.  
  
Rana was happy because she had finally found peace after about a year of turmoil, and she had received one of the best jobs a toon can get, a costar, meaning she got her own office and everything. There was also the little fact that she was sitting right next to the love of her life, and would be staying with him forever.  
  
Zim was happy because after seemingly losing everything he could possibly lose, he bounced back up. He had survived everything the Land of the Nicktoons could throw at him, even getting sprouted. His show was back, his fans were happy, he had become a true hero, and also gotten the best job he could possibly get in the entire line of television broadcast. He had won the girl of his dreams, and would get married to her forthwith. Once he would have thought being this happy was bad, because something would always ruin it, but he had rejected that kind of thinking a while ago. He was on top of the world. There was nothing, absolutely nothing that could spoil his life now. He looked out the window for a moment. The clouds outside seemed to swirl, forming the sneering faces of Bog and Dib, hatred visible in their eyes. He smiled and closed the window shade, blocking them out. On a whim, he sent Gir out of the room to eat at the buffet. Once the childish robot was gone, the lovers started to get into a certain action that required no clothing. They had a full four hours until they got to Nick City, and they intended to enjoy every one of them.  
  
THE END  
  
And so our tale ends. I hope you enjoyed the ride while it lasted. And I hope one of you has read the Ultimate Invader. If not, I suggest you do so. It is the only other Zim fic I've written, and I am as proud of it as I am proud of this. And I have one final teaser before I go. A new fic might be coming up soon. "Might" being the key word. But be warned…if I do write this next fic, it will be a dark one. It will have a happy ending of sorts, but the majority of the tale will be rife with angst and misery. So enjoy this happy ending as the Zim in this tale enters a new life of hope and love, while the Zim in my next fic will not…yet. Please read and review, and stand by for the next tale. Until then, I bid you farewell… 


	10. Epilogue

Even though the last chapter was technically the final one, I just wanted to tell this last little bit of epilogue.  
  
The two lizards that Zim had poured coffee onto eventually started their own journey to the employment office, ending up as extras on the newly restarted Rocko's Modern Life.  
  
The beetle that Patrick had half-saved from sprouting got a bit in Halloween toons, since a partially dismembered body is always kind of scary.  
  
Lola went through a good deal of psychotherapy before she was deemed normal again. She is now happily back to work on her flowers and career on Catdog, but whenever she sees something that looks even remotely like a gun, she panics.  
  
The Gatekeeper (AKA the Brain) stopped talking all weird just to sound mysterious. Pinky, who had not been around during Zim's adventures, was still a big idiot. He plays with the Yetis every chance he gets.  
  
Pugsy and Bibi got jobs on Angry Beavers as new birds. They are happy and stay away from enclosed places and ravens every chance they get.  
  
Chepito is an extra on Spongebob Squarepants (of course). He appears randomly and always yells about his eyebrows whenever he appears.  
  
Raoul the waiter guy had quit his job after the pantry incident and made a journey to the Employment Office, enjoying the sea air and wide open spaces. He realized he didn't care much about being a star, and ended up captaining a ship. He is very happy that he no longer has to go anywhere near a walk-in pantry.  
  
Toto hasn't changed a bit. He's still a grumpy tattoo and scrimshaw artist.  
  
Naranja was unhappy that he lost his job on the Macarena. Surprisingly, he ended up becoming Toto's assistant. Hey, he needed a job didn't he?  
  
Membrillo the coroner went insane from being surrounded by dead bodies and jumped off the big bridge in Speedo Bottom, dying in the waters below.  
  
Mick Virago had indeed been on the train Zim had seen going into the swirling portal. Mick was now some random protoform drifting in the mind of his creator.  
  
Maximino is dead. Olivia dumped him months ago, then killed him.  
  
Lope stopped her career in cloakrooms and took up a new hobby: swimming in water!  
  
Velasco is still the Dockmaster in Speedo Bottom. Nothing will ever make him leave the docks he loves so much.  
  
Bog and Dib are down in Hell, being tortured by the demons for their numerous horrible sins. Good for them.  
  
All of the Martians were fired from their jobs and forced out onto the streets, where they eventually starved to death. Yay! Oh, and the guy who made B.U.M. in the first place was fired from Nickelodeon and now wanders the alleyways, begging for computers.  
  
Chowchilla Charlie was finally arrested for his numerous scams. He's going to be in toon jail for a looooooooong time.  
  
Chief Bogen is no longer chief of police in Speedo Bottom. When it was taken over by Bog, he was killed.  
  
Terry Malloy didn't stop his work with fixing the Seabees condition. He became a cartoon Martin Luther King jr. of sorts, reforming the Maritime Union and other discriminatory establishments.  
  
Sandy mourned Patrick's death, but respected his last wishes and continued to run the LTA. Since their revolutionary work is done, the alliance is now the star of their very own show, in which they undermine evil organizations and stuff. It's quite popular.  
  
The Meadow was burned, destroying all the flowers and corpses. The greenhouse and remains of Bog were disintegrated. In their place now lies a great field of monuments, dedicated to all the toons and LTA agents that had fallen to the Sproutella bullet and Bog. There is a special monument set aside for Patrick Star, the greatest of revolutionaries, who had truly sacrificed the most for the cause. Zim placed the words on Patrick's monument himself. They read: "To Patrick Star, a great actor, a great soldier, a great starfish, and a great friend. May you enjoy the delights of the afterlife, for you surely deserved to go there."  
  
Gir and Doomy got married. It was a wonderful wedding, and many were touched by the love one robot can have for his car.  
  
Zim and Rana were married as well. Zim is still president/owner/CEO of Nickelodeon, and nobody could be happier. The fans of his show almost had a heart attack when they heard he was finally back on the air, after an entire year of absence. The Dib fans were angry the Dib Membrane Show had been cancelled, but they forgot their anger thanks to the Robo-Dib used to replace the original Dib. He acts exactly like the original Dib, but a tad more annoying and with a slightly bigger head. Thanks to the fixed shows and new episodes of old ones, the channel got more and more fans. None of the shows are as good as Zim's of course, but they were better than they used to be. With the introduction of Doomy and Rana to the cast, ratings are skyrocketing and the fans are constantly speculating on the implied romances in the show and writing about them, causing Fanfiction.net to become one of the most popular sites on the net. As leaders of Nick, Zim and Rana's might is unchallenged, and everyone likes it that way. And so all of the good characters and fans lived happily ever after, their financial and social futures completely secure. 


End file.
